Crossing the Rubicon
by TrekDr
Summary: Post a canon Voyager endgame and in my 'coming home with you' J/C-verse. Starts with debrief/counselling before the pace kicks in as the senior team get what should be a straightforwards diplomatic mission. Clearly it isn't! Action filled! J/C P/T all the regulars. Some TNG/DS9 characters play too P/C R/T. Predom VOY. [not my characters, not for profit] Enjoy, complete!
1. Chapter 1 - introspection: re-edited

My _J/C post return fanfic is nearly linear, starting where endgame finished, but a J/C quick reversal in my first fanfic- s/12310181/1/Coming-Home-with-You._

 _I think my following fanfics prob don't need a read through of the initial fanfic first, but since i loved that, I would recommend that you do. Its always nice to see the J/C coming together! My profile is going to try and keep the timeline showing, in case you would like a to go with it from the start!_

 _This is the new story arc, and is planned to be a multichapter multiperson view where we find out about a bit more about the admiralty plans, and what the future might hold. some new people are going to be picked up along the way, particularly TNG and DS9 though the voyager crew, and senior team in particular, will remain the prime focus._

 _We start with some personal thoughts to set the scene. But soon move into the action adventure._

 _Please comment! Constructive criticism always welcome_

 _-0-0-0-_

 _Reflections 1_

 _-0-0-0-_

 _Chakotay_

Indiana has been all that Kathryn promised. It is a home for me with her family. A verdant place of wide blue skies and rolling farmland. It has space for me to breathe again and re-align with nature. Whilst Kathryn spends time with her mother, I have a chance to collect my thoughts before speaking to my spirit guide and maybe my father. I had lost sight of this part of me in the last few years of our voyage. Perhaps their counsel would have kept me from nearly losing everything. I still find it hard to accept my yearning for stability and a child caused me to turn my back on my love for Kathryn.

2 weeks. it has been two weeks since we started debrief, nearly three since we returned from the delta quadrant. As is the way with time, the delta quadrant seems so far in the past, yet only just left. life has fallen into a secure pattern for all of us. After the delta quadrant i think we all needed a time of familiarity and pattern and we achieved that.

As the command crew, we have worked with the senior team to create the stability required, organising events specifically aimed for different crew members preferences so all are kept involved. For us as a senior team, the regular early evening activities, the dinner night, the not-quite-sandrines with pool tournament, all these have given us a chance to stay a close family while also slowly spreading our individual wings.

For us as a couple, and as a small family with Icheb, we have found a happy balance of some privacy as well as consolidating friendships. Unsurprisingly, we remain closest to the alpha bridge team and the senior staff.

Some of the crew that I worried about, well, Seven to be honest, have been swept into this, living with Sam and therefore a girls night guest, and automatically going where Sam goes on the week unless she chooses otherwise she is relaxing into this. I have noticed that she doesn't hold a grudge with Kathryn, even if she is more reserved around me.

Kathryn is still doing too much, she is at the centre of everything.

That is the woman I fell in love with.

As well, the first tranche of the junior crew have finished their mandatory debrief and counselling with further counselling is available to them. now, they are deciding their immediate future with a year of leave, should they want it, and a years accommodation. According to section head reports and their self evaluation, a range of options are being explored.

Kathryn has wangled Harren his research post at the institute of cosmology - our first mover on. Since that black sheep mission, as she calls it, she has been protective of Harren, our most prickly crew member and for his part she has earnt his complete loyalty. I am sure that this research post will consolidate that, though I glazed over when they were discussing his thesis plans.

Most of the senior crew and a fair number of the rest are waiting to see what happens to Voyager and what Kathryn and I are choosing.

Old loyalties come first.

More junior crew than I expected plan to ship out on short range domestic missions over the next month just to test the water. they say to earth is too crowded and noisy, and doesn't thrum beneath their feet; that they have become at home in space. They will keep their rooms here, and all will try and come in for the two big ceremonies planned, as well as socialisng on their leave. Kathryn has made sure that they are not alone, and usually go in groups of at least three on these missions so that if they have a voyager flashback, there is someone with them. I also think that she is carefully choosing the ships and captains too. Clearly she denies all of this, citing individuality and free will. She sees that some crew will move away from us in spirit, and some will always be voyagers first, but she will always be there for them all.

One of the big events planned by kathryn is next weekend - and she is keeping quiet about it generally, but i think it might be decommissioning of voyager, I hope not. She has something to finalise, and then will tell me all about it. She wants me to give a spiritual thankyou as part of the event.

the other is the formal return ball and promotions fest in 2 months. A time for us all to demonstrate our improved dancing, thankyou to the dance classes Kathryn is running. The ball may not include the ex-equinox crew despite Kathryn's best efforts. we all know some formal sanction will need to be applied, they were starfleet officers and they were way beyond any line. She has reassured them that whether their future is within or without starfleet, that she will always have their back, in fact they and I think she already has made some preliminary moves.

I have gradually felt more comfortable in my sense of self. More the real Chakotay, part starfleet, part maquis, part tribe: lover and family man, leader and tactition, all my disparate strands binding together. I would like to think it is mostly due to Kathryn, restoring my peace again. No longer the angry warrior, she calls me her proud and loving warrior, her brave and true warrior in the quiet times we share, in the laughter and the love, my spirits what crazy love!

it could also be due to the family life we have with Icheb, who i catch myself calling son as i teach him about the ways of my father, and as we gladly fix the indiana farmhouse for gretchen. Icheb who is happily part of our table in the evening, part of our storytelling, joining Naomi for some of the voyager evening classes and sometimes some of his academy class join us too. It makes me truly feel part of a family. there I was, worried that it would interfere with my courting of Kathryn, as if the 150 voyagers in this building don't already!

icheb and I have started to collect a medicine bundle for him, to help him reflect on who he is. I sense his uncertainty as like his mother he is a person of science. I have explained that however you vouch the terms, having a spiritual and moral guidance system will help to keep him true to himself.

kathryn has tentatively retried using her medicine bundle with varied success. She said her spirit guide was there, but was ignoring her and concentrating elsewhere. As she has no patience on the spiritual plane either, she quickly left. I hope over time that perhaps she can become more centred in the ways of my tribe. We have plenty of time.

Thinking of the kathryn, it is probably also the settling effect of the wider family, the babysitting Miral, the laughing dinners with the senior team, spirits but we have never done so much laughing. laughing and crying, for all of us our emotions are now on the surface. it is definitely due to the counselling that Kathryn was insistent on. Kathryn, who has refused medical input wherever possible, Kathryn who retreated in the void, Kathryn who is resolutely confronting her daemons too. Deanna is counselling us both separately, but tomorrow we start counselling together.

I think we are both nervous about this. Apart for a few minor conversations, we have steered away from contention since our abortive ready room fight.

It is also due to carrying on our command role, spending evenings wrapped around each other with PADDS, looking at potentials for the crew, making their readjustment to the alpha quadrant not just painless, but triumphant.

Voyager may well be a defining time for all of us, but life is not lived looking back into the past, we all need the fulfilment in our futures too. We cannot squander our present harking back to a past glory. Kathryn has ideas and plans that interweave many of us, yet setting us free as well. I see the admiralty beckoning.

-0-

I hear Kathryn singing loudly downstairs as she helps Gretchen cook. Drawing me back into the present. Spirits, I cannot help but smile, she has a god awful, terrible singing voice, though her spoken word has that sexy rasp, and she is a terrible cook, but somehow, it is a joy to hear her do both of these things.

Gretchen feels she would cook better the old way, rather than with replicators. Treat cooking as a mixture of science and love rather than technology. they are making a spicy bean hotpot, and i agree that the smell wafting up the stairs is good.

This less pressured weekend with Gretchen is good. last time we were here there were so many people, so many emotions. this time, well we are family.

I hear icheb clattering back down the stairs and a shriek of laughter from kathryn follows. We both got pretty messy from working on the door into the barn, making it open and close easily. I guess he has showered and changed. I grin, my imagination can picture their interaction, he is strong for his slight build, and will have picked her up, treating her like a little doll, which they both seem to enjoy. She is then clearly moving into Mom mode, as i can tell the tonal cadence that is discussing academy work. this life is good.

I have also cleaned up and sitting on our bed, i reach for my medicine bundle and prepare to visit my spirit guide. It has been good to reconnect again.

-0-0-

Akoocheemoya...

the chant flows effortlessly from me, and the birdsong of the Indiana dusk fades from me and I am again within my dreamscape. this time it comes to me as an orchard, a walled orchard. I am within, sitting under apple blossom. it is ordered, fruitful and beautiful. I am at peace here.

the walls are high, and i see nothing that is without. I am safe here. my wolf guide leads me to the heavy oaken door. we both sit on our haunches. I know what this is. it is the challenge, the challenge faced by kathryn and I to open fully to each other, and let whatever it is outside our dreamlike ordered state in. We are preparing to talk honestly to each other, and i know Kathryn will give me that choice to make. She is confident in her love for me, despite Seven.

I am afraid. Spirit sister studies me with those soulful eyes, and asks whether i fear that i do not love kathryn strongly enough. I have to consider this, I have no idea what truths Kathryn will tell me, but they are likely to be explosive, harmful to have been hidden deeply. No, there is nothing that I do not love her strongly enough that i wouldn't face up to. but there are some things that might change us irrevocably, and I am so damned happy in our love as it is.

She asks whether i could live with the door closed. This is simpler, i couldn't though as I want there to be truth and trust between us. Anything Kathryn feels that we need to share and understand, then I need to know. There are things I need to share and talk about. Riley, Kellin, Seven, all faces of the same coin. the maquis, my years delivering vengeance, not the hero that i think he makes me out to be. And things i need to understand better. Jaffen. she started to explain and split my world open. Tom Paris. the void. No, I need to open the door, let out the bitterness and hurt, and trust we can work through the tide of destruction it might unleash.

So, she asks again, do you trust Kathryn... I answer, unequivocally yes.

She smiles, a wolfish smile, and opens the door onto a landscape of hell. it is my homeworld post cardassian strike. all that i knew and loved burnt. I freeze at the sight, what have i opened up here.

I turn to re-enter the orchard, but it is no longer there. come, my guide growls angrily, baring her teeth at me. There is no way back once the door is opened, so i follow the path out of our village and walk through the catastophe of things that I have ever loved.

it isn't just my homeworld, starfleet head quarters are razed, new earth cabin is destroyed, borg walk across the scene arm in arm with cardassians, vidiians, hirogen. I am calling for Kathryn, but i don't find her.

As i walk, my guide asks me to name my worries, so I do, riley, kellin, seska, seven, maquis vengeance, tom paris, teero, the void, kashyk, jaffen and as i say them, they hurt less.

she asks me to name my certainties, and i name kathryn, my love, family both Gretchen and Icheb and also sekaya and Paka, friendship, B'Elanna, Mike, Harry and yes Tom, and i realise that there is growth in the devastation and that if i continue this path i come to open lands of green and beauty, part wild, part cultivated.

Be brave, my spirit guide instructs and runs ahead.

I look around, and the growth is everywhere, the desolation reborn, a vision ahead of me, Kathryn, clothed in stars, her hair foot length and flying free, smiling for me.

I feel her place hand on my shoulder and come slowly out of the trance to find her there in truth, a question in her eyes. we are both nervous about tomorrow, but i smile, and say 'be brave'. She drops a kiss on my head and we need no words. The spirit walk is for the walker to find their own truths.

Together we join the family downstairs for her bean hotpot. by the time I have got down the stairs we are laughing and teasing. It is surprisingly edible.

-0-0-0-

Seven

my debriefing is nearly over, but I have increased counselling and medicals to attend, and i don't believe starfleet are that convinced that i should be allowed to leave. The captain vouches for me, but I am still clearly part Borg.

The debrief has been have asked me many time regarding my borg systems failures. That a different interlocutor may obtain a different response. They review my inability to follow the chain of command, seeking to decide whether this makes me a risk. Despite counsel from the captain to suggest that with hindsight and increases exposure to starfleet I might now reconsider some of those decisions, she is incorrect. My logic is impeccable.

i have freedom within the starfleet compound, but may only leave with the captain's express permission and accompanied by a member of voyager senior crew until further notice. I am permitted unrestricted access, however to the Janeway, Paris and Hanson residences by direct transporter travel. This allowance is inconsistent.

i do not intend to visit the Hanson residence again. My aunt Irene may have had good intentions, but I felt more like a specimen than a member of their collective. I am not sure whether I will receive an invite to the Janeway residence. My ill advised foray into romantic alliance appears to have weakened my position in the collective.

sharing a residence with ensign wild man and Naomi is steadying. I am obligated to the captain for this arrangement. Tal celes is more disruptive, however perhaps obtaining an understanding of her will aid my development as an individual. She has offered friendship and few have so openly done so.

Quartering me with Sam, Naomi and Tal was a considered move on her part. They show me how to advance my humanity. I see the close mothering bond between Sam and Naomi, and realise that in part this was my relationship with the captain. That when I commenced a relationship with the commander, this prior commitment should have inhibited me. Sam to some extent mothers myself and Tal. Tal is demonstrating new love for me through her relationship with Billy Telfer. I understand how misadvised my foray into a relationship was, that I had not the emotional maturity for the relationship I attempted. In another timeline, though, I had the opportunity to learn and develop. In another timeline, at least for me, it was successful. I wish I could delete this knowledge.

I took the Captain with me on friday to discuss future options within starfleet this is currently waiting on my medical clear, as well as assurances of my safety.

It seems that the removal of my failsafe has been an error, as the device didn't entirely do as the doctor had predicted. My most common emotions are anger and annoyance followed by anxiety. These are a disturbance to my efficiency, and distressing. They also make me more of a liability in public. Hence further medicals and counselling, including a diverse array of techniques.

I believe that I should limit my social skills to known voyager crewmembers, with some exceptions, and advanced academics. However, I will work to regain social skills and composure.

Indeed, when the captain is with me, I have a reduction in the disturbing symptoms post failsafe removal. I have noticed a similar decrease in anxiety in all crew members after she speaks to them. In every week so far I believe that she has managed a personal word with everyone, and more time with those who require it. I do not keep track of her moves, however, I notice that there is more confidence facing the future once she has considered options.

Since I believe my value is recognised in the work I perform, the captain has suggested some projects to showcase this. Firstly, that we hand pick a team for me to work with on maximising civilian - she was very firm that it should be civilian- use of nanoprobe technology perhaps medical, with joint working with our doctor. This pleases both of us, as it gives us both a research element to the week, and we find each others company congenial.

Secondly, she recommends also that I should also spend some time attending starfleet senior staff briefings in Borg studies, so that we can be prepared for potential scenarios and in particular look for early detection. This, she announces, has a dual function, firstly it allows senior decision makers within starfleet to come to know me without concern, and will allow my greater freedoms in the future, and secondly, will allow starfleet to develop possible options for defensive preparation against a superior hostile force. Again, she cautions that I shouldn't at this stage seek to work on offensive strategies. I am not surprised, Voyager has always aimed to seek peaceful solutions and use defensive strategies if these fail.

Thirdly, I can use the data that Mr Paris acquired during his warp 10 flight, and my astrometric skills to make a functional database for the delta quadrant with a team of analysts. Pulling together with the information I might have from the Borg, that which we acquired whilst there, and then consider working further on suggestions for a return to the delta quadrant by the federation if that becomes viable. This would potentially to make an alliance with some of the species we encountered.

I would mostly be working in starfleet itself initially whilst the work is evaluated, reporting directly to Kathryn. However, there is a potential to take the work elsewhere in the future, such as Vulcan or Jupiter station, if human exuberance is too tiresome. This currently is the case. I find the crew patronising and tiresome in their attempt to provide unwanted comfort following the disruption of my dating progress with the commander.

The captain suggested that if there were a voyager relaunch, or a federation science vessel with a significant number of voyager personnel, she would make it her personal responsibility to enable me to reach the stars again, when my readaption is complete.

I am not starfleet trained, so an alternative suggestion would be to complete fast track science training in starfleet to be commissioned. I will not take this route, I do not believe that the training will enhance my knowledge.

Since i do not require the same amount of leisure time as the other crewmembers, I would initially work on all three initial options. We will start next week on assigning teams, with any voyager crew that wish to join the astrometrics project. I believe that this will initially be satisfying and useful.

The captain will debrief my work fortnightly, allowing me freedom of development in the interim. If she has made such detailed plans for all her crew, she must have been busy indeed. However, I wonder whether it is a sign of her continued patronage to my development.

On a personal level, I am grateful to the captain. my predicted awkwardness following her relationship with my beau has not materialised. I am not naive enough to consider her a non-combatant however, It is clear that without overtly interfering with the relationship I had with the commander, her commentary, declaration of love and body language all were tactics that led to his termination with me and a very swift acceleration of cordiality with the captain. Due to her importance in my collective, I have no option but to comply and allow this relationship without further interference. I remember, however.

I see the captain regularly socially, as she holds court at 'girls night' at our accommodation, where her sister joins us, and sometimes the delaney sisters. I may ask them to join me in the astrometrics project, despite their inefficiency. I find that I grow used to their communication, and notice the intelligence that their gossip hid from me. Also, I seek to keep some of the collective of Voyager with me. I also attend the thursday mess dinners, and the velocity games. I continue to play velocity with the captain, but have been unable to beat her as yet.

Other than that, I attend the lecture series for alpha quadrant adjustment, most commonly escorted by the doctor and Icheb. Icheb joins us weekly to regenerate, as i have a double alcove in the apartment, which necessitated a move to the ground floor.

I tend to avoid the commander. I cannot help but feel that our relationship was inappropriate for him to enter, considering the love he holds the captain. We never discuss that in the alternate timeline we turned this relationship into a marriage. Thinking about his motivation is not an efficient use of my time, and is irrelevant and distracting to my current position. I find that i have an antagonistic sensation when his name is mentioned.

This brief foray into the human interactions of intimacy has determined that I shall be slow to repeat the exercise. The captain tells me that it is early days, but i know that perhaps i was more involved than she would like to believe, that she is resolutely blinded to any ill effect for me.

So when the captain asks me after our friday meeting whether i think that i can be at peace in the alpha quadrant, and have my needs met. I answer in the affirmative. i have the prospect of gainful employment that meets my scientific curiosity, with a mentor that I respect. i have the option of colleagues that i will build an acquaintance with, that we should work collectively together. I have a family, both that of voyager, in particular with the captain, Sam, Naomi, Icheb and Tal, but also under the captains direct request, I am progressing with the Hansens. i believe that I also have the starts of friendships. Yes, I am content with life in the alpha quadrant.

However, i do not say that I would prefer still to be on voyager in the delta quadrant with chakotay as my pairbond.

-0-0-0-

Nechayev

We have kept the Voyager crew cushioned, for the most part, from the current turmoil within starfleet. We all need a reminder of who we used to be in the more innocent times before the cardassian/dominion war.

As a federation, we allowed our overwhelming desire for peace to turn Spock's credo into our mantra

'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few'

and placed our need for peace for all the other worlds to allow us to do nothing for those in the demilitarised zone until the outrage of the maquis moved some of us to work behind scenes.

After then end of the conflict, seeing the mistrust and disarray that cleaving to spock's words bought us, some of us determined that we should always balance with Kirk's

'the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many' .

That it is as important to balance individual needs when making grand policy. We need to find leaders that understand the fluidity of both these concepts, and can apply them wisely to situations they have not faced before.

We see that we have a leader, forged in the delta quadrant, one that can train others to think in that way too, as there are at least two firm candidates for advancement.

We are quite a quiet and disparate few admirals, mixture of ages, but all gradually linking together as we can see that starfleet is standing at a crossroads. not just starfleet, but the whole federation. The choice is increased militarisation, or return to the original principles of the federation, one government promoting universal liberty, rights, and equality, and sharing our knowledge and resources in peaceful cooperation, scientific development, space exploration and defensive purposes. Starfleet being something significant in the last three.

There has been exponential militarisation as we were so close to overwhelming defeat from the dominion, and knowing of the Borg also has the war-war crowd baying for the finances and the go ahead. But voyagers 1 ship against the Borg takes their wind away, and it says cleverness and defence are still our way.

So we look for some wise heads and bright heroes who can be the face for our future, can help safely navigate us through turbulent times where internal strife might rip us apart. There is a bigger picture, and many threads.

For now, I will invite anonymously Captain Janeway to join the exclusive 'Captains of the deep' club and see where the ripples of that little stone may take us.

-0-0-0-

 _This chapter had undergone a bit more of an edit as recommended_! Please comment.


	2. Chapter 2 - to batleth

Icheb

I will adjust. I am adjusting. There is much in the alpha quadrant to adjust to. Mom and my new family being one of them. The academy being the other. Mom has been, unsurprisingly, very understanding. She was the daughter of an admiral so also spent all her academy years in the spotlight and had to develop her own path and make all her mistakes with no hiding. She talks to me about that, and gets Paris to also talk. He is slightly reticent as he says he made a lot more of a hash of it. He suggests I follow the Captain's advice. Lt Crusher is also very helpful. Mom said that she had had a long talk with a number of her friends to see who could be a mentor for me, stating I needed someone more unusual, and that Lt Crusher was it. He started his academy life on the flagship enterprise, so also joined the academy proper later, and with a great deal of curiosity. Also, he has had an unusual trajectory since and only returned to starfleet a few years ago. I think Mom hopes that his unique views and history should help us build a friendship too, and I believe that she is accurate. However, amongst my fellow cadets I am gaining some gradual friendships that I believe are genuine, rather than just for the opportunity to meet my famous Mom.

The work is very straightforwards, and I find it hard that Lt Paris says he failed stellar cartography, as what we all did on voyager was far in advance. Most professors have set me additional work that runs alongside the forefront of their fields, as has Lt Crusher. Mom talks to me about gaining as much as I can, and that when I graduate there will be many options for me. I think that she might already know what I want to do as my main interest, she has seen me working on temporal theory, this may be one of the reasons she has Lt Crusher as my mentor. She does give me some other suggestions, practical problems such as the gravimetric sensors I had postulated and has arranged lab and holodeck time for this. She has also arranged opportunity for me to develop further Borg defenses and species 8472. Unusually, she has asked me to speak to absolutely no-one else about this apart from her, not even Chakotay, Seven or the doctor, and she will requisition any help or consumables as required. For this I report only to her, and this is a long term project. No-one at the academy seems bothered at all that I have been Borg, and a number of the female cadets seem quite attracted to the idea of the implants, and there is one cadet in particular that I hope to get to know a little bit better.

Family life is working out, Mom is if anything more relaxed, more available and more, well Mom-like than I expected. Living with her and Chakotay has been remarkably easy. I have no difficulties watching them curl around each other in the evening, reading PADDS, making plans and laughing. They are clearly in love, but have been so for many years, and continue with their working relationship. I had no idea how much time they must have spent outside of alpha shift ensuring smooth running of the ship and crew. There seems to be nothing they don't know about the crew now, and bounce ideas from each other on making everyone's life work more easily . I listen as various of the senior crew appear to randomly drop in, make suggestions that then become actions. I see the timetable of acquiring or sharing knowledge, exercise, socialising and then big events keeps the family together and grounded, making sure that everyone has support. Also adding in events with guests, such as picnics and beach days on the weekend gradually lets in more family and draws the alpha and delta families together. Really, living here with the CC has given me awareness of the huge commitment they give to their crew, and just how much they know.

I also see Mom also giving projects or ideas quietly to many of the crew, almost as an aside. These can be small pieces of a jigsaw, and only she has the awareness of how these things might link in together, if they do. It is casually suggested, but all are followed, even casual suggestions of the Captain's are eagerly taken as orders, all the crew so eager to show gratitude. The projects all fit with the individual's interests or talents, and seem just as something of interest whilst debrief occurs, just something to tie her crew in with the wider starfleet, enabling them to make connections rather than to an overarching plan. However, sometimes i think that I can almost see the linkages. I see now how Voyager was so successful. It worked like the Borg collective, but with individuals accomplishing their best work and it coming together under the team leader and Captains direction. Many ideas were planted, and when they came to fortuitous fruition and the individuals were celebrated, no-one would remember that the Captain had originally posed the initial question. She used our minds to our best advantage. I am learning a lot about successful command living with Mom. I am learning a lot about her. No wonder she interested Q.

I also find that feeding my academy gossip and things I pick up also causes the 'CC' as the voyagers are calling them, to reevaluate decisions and make changes. There is certainly a lot of back discussion about the war with the dominion and militarization, with the cadets worried that their options of exploration and science will be reduced. They seem to think there is a split in starfleet command and that even a federation military might split altogether from starfleet. Mom never comments, but has told me that my reports are as important to her as any of the senior crew. However, the cadet scuttlebutt says that some see Voyagers return as a chance to press a reset button to make starfleet what it always should be, and has taken some of the military impetus away.

I make sure that I give Mom and Chakotay some space as well to be more intimate, spending one evening with Sam, Naomi and Seven before I regenerate, and all my weekends in Indiana. I don't really need to regenerate any more, but the doctor suggested it was good practice to do so to keep my minimal Borg technology at peak function, after all, I no longer have a cortical node and can't do the full regeneration process. I think it helps Seven that I join her. I think that something isn't quite right with seven, and mentioned this to Mom. She says she is aware, and has Sam and the doctor on the case, but to let her know any specifics.

It is good to be part of the command team. What has been a surprise is how easy it has been to build a relationship with Chakotay. Mom had never discussed my adoption with him, and initially I was uncomfortable due to his relationship with Seven. However, living with them, it is clear that he adores her, and if their working evenings are pretty representative of the delta quadrant, he has been caring for he for years. We manage he between us. It is clear she wouldn't eat without our reminders, and clearly thinks some magic keeps our apartment tidy with fresh flowers. Chakotay laughed that for years he has been doing this without her noticing. We easily fell into a pattern and I model some of my behaviours on that of Chakotay. When we work together in Indiana, he tells me of his childhood and learning his practical skills. He has accepted me as a son, I think, and I am proud.

-0-0-0-

Jack Gardner - Captain of the USS Mariner

That was an ... interesting ... evening. We had a new member tonight. There had been some debate as to whether captaining voyager counted as a deep space mission. Seven years though, most without any contact with starfleet. Even though unplanned, we agreed, she was a Captain of the Deep. There are few people that can understand without doing it the special requirements of captaining a deep space vessel. The minimum duty is usually 3 years, and some are out there for five. Our difference is being able to return, and usually we have only shorter periods of black ops, and no starfleet support. Starfleet interference. Deep space is where the freethinking mavericks go. The true explorers.

She was never meant to be one of us. Fleeter kid, exceptional progress in career, with one episode out after personal tragedy. A three week mission turning to seven. The rumours overheard coming out of debriefing are unbelievable. The return was magnificent. The scripted fednews appearances can't hide her commanding persona. Her crew are tight knit, and despite being regulars in starfleet communal spaces, there is no gossip. They belong to her, not starfleet, though she runs them as starfleet.

So, how could we resist asking her. this diminutive woman who has returned from 70,000 light years away in seven years, captured maquis and made them starfleet, beaten the Borg and even has a Borg son. We couldn't. We meet every five years, so most of us are back, a coincidence? So we sent her a time and a code for her replicator. We have a deep space uniform for her, black with midnight blue shoulders and leg trim jumpsuit with belt.

When she arrived, she first struck me as tiny. I hadn't expected her to be so small. I then realised that I had never seen her without her first officer at her shoulder. Then, I realised that she had won me over. We ask all new members to stand in front of us all and tell their story. She just laughed in her raspy voice and asked what story, how long did we have. So she chose to tell us about when her ship split into two and she self destructed it, but not her, the other her. There have been many hers apparently. A story about command decisions, inventiveness under fire, putting the needs of others first, about loss and loneliness, and about vidiians. A crazy amazing story finishing with the punchline that 'we're starfleet officers, weird is part of the job' . She got a standing ovation. She can sure tell a story.

We found out other things, she can drink more whiskey than you would imagine. She has a beautiful laugh and smile. She can get you to tell her your story, your hopes and dreams. She gives you faith. No wonder they succeeded in returning. Hell, it would have been impossible not to. She touched even the most dour of us, though I doubt they will fall at her feet. We have one other female captain, who rarely comes but did. They gazed at each other and nodded. She understood, she is a captain of the deep, maybe even *The* captain.

Rumour suggests she is fast track to admiral. I pledged her my allegiance. We captains of the deep ride the interstellar waves, visiting far flung remote places. We hear the whispers of movements of empires and peoples. I will pass these to her, I believe she will need them. I am not the only one. We are disparate, scientists, explorers, mavericks, first-contacters. We have different ships, different capabilities, different crews. We go about in the far alpha quadrant and beta. We have gone missing in the gamma. None of us have been to the delta quadrant. We can fight, but we aren't militaristic, or political. She might just bind us into a group.

I am going to the beta quadrant next, skirting the romulan borders and going deep. I am looking for the Suliban. I have been transfixed by stories of them, and then their disappearance. Who are they, where are they? My ship is being upgraded - her ablative armour technology, her replicator and hydroponics modifications, her Borg knowledge, her astrometrics upgrades. All our deep space ships are getting the benefits of Voyager. We are told there is much, much more, that they didn't quite get to work and next time, perhaps, it will have benefited from more research. We hear of quantum drives, slipstream drives. It will be at least three months till any of us will go back out. Maybe some of Voyager crew will join us.

We will meet monthly, let her captivate us, enthrall us, and tell her all our secrets.

-0-0-0-

Torres

For political correctness, I changed our Batleth holoprogram, so that the foe we try and destroy are a mixture of delta quadrant 'friends' rather than Cardassians. We have been fighting hard. I have been serially murdering crell Moset, but I'm not sure who Kathryn is pulverising. When I ask, it is apparently 'blondes' . My debrief today was over my disagreements with Kathryn, Crell Moset and Sikarians mostly. [kazon down]The Sikarian thing I knew was wrong, and without Seska or Tuvok, probably would not have happened. Certainly by later in the journey would not have happened either. I had no problem admitting that the Captain had been right about this, my culpability, and that I had shown weak leadership skills. Weak leadership skills. I will give them weak leadership skills [another Kazon down] Then we got onto the doctor and the holographic crell moset [devore down- they all look like kashyk and too easy to kill, bet it was Kathryn that programmed that] 'Hey, What is it with Kashyk?' 'We'ed better change that before Chakotay sees'. Kathryn is struggling with a hirogen, I go and join her, it takes both of us to defeat him.[hirogen down]

'computer freeze programme' and Kathryn stops. 'Sorry Lanna, today has taken it out of me'

'you and me both, do you want to talk?'

'do you?'

'not really, crell moset and the sikarians. Laid both to bed years ago really. I'm not sure why I was so bothered, I guess because I worry that they are looking for disagreements between us'

'Lanna, we solved the major issues years ago. I like disagreements, keeps me on my toes! Mine was the counselling. Chakotay unburdened his guilt over the serial blondes. Riley, Kellin and Seven. The P'tak!'

''I thought you werent so bothered Kathryn? Riley and Kellin were years ago, and even he cant really remember Kellin!'

'i know, shouldn't be the jealous type! I came to a, well an agreement with myself, that none of them mattered, but these three still did. Riley, because he had only just promised me everything and he would wait, and I was just coming to terms with perhaps making the change. Then I couldn't, because what would i do if there were a Riley and we were together? Kellin, because again I was growing weak, and he actually loved her. It made me realise he could overcome his love for me. Seven, because after Quarra I needed him and he moved on. In the other timeline he would have married her. So these three matter. He did choose me now, but I have to feel certain about it. He doesn't yet truly make me feel certain about his choice, and I worry that it is because he isn't truly certain. And tomorrow, he wants me to start with the worst thing, or whatever I think will be the worst thing'

'Tom?' I ask

'Hmm, the whole cardassian/paris tangle, yes.' She is a bit cautious about how she phrases it, giving me a bit of evidence to back up my theory. 'I am not sure whether I should tell him everything, or censor it a bit. It is decades ago now. I would wonder whether to tell him anything except, well except it makes all the difference. I think he will be very angry about the cardassian business, for not knowing. I think he suspects the Tom in the past since the Voyager party. I should have been a bit more circumspect.'

'And?' I add. I know there is something in this tale that she never told us. I knew as soon as I saw her and Owen interact at the picnic. He owes her for something. Something she is never going to allude to, and never going to ask to collect. He is, never the less, going to keep trying to pay.

she eyes me seriously. She knows. I don't quite know, but enough. 'and nothing' she then snaps. Like the weather she changes again, 'come on 'Lanna, you hated today, I hated today, I am going to hate tomorrow worse. Shower and meet at Sam's?' I agree, but stop her at the last minute. I am concerned about Seven, about something she said. I don't think that she has taken the change in Chakotay's affections as well as people think. She is being, occasionally, erratic. I just have a feeling.

It pulls Kathryn up short. I can see the worry, and the thinking. 'Lanna, I have a few people I have asked to specifically keep sight of Seven. I want her to be well, and integrate. That damned failsafe. The doctor should never have interfered. Also, well, never mind' I can sense her thinking again. 'Lanna, we are never to talk about Seven this way outside of a safe place. I am concerned that people might listen, and I need to project always full support and confidence. However, if Seven is going to have a problem following the failsafe removal, I need to be the first to find out and put this together. I need to be able to save her.' I understand. She bites her lower lip 'Seven is very clever, fiendishly advanced in programming. If there is a change, we would perhaps see it first with the doctor, she would have to hide it. Maybe in her comms, and we need to look out for any potential interplexing beacon contact, or during regeneration - like the unimatrix zero program. Can I trust you with this, are you with me?'

Well, Kathryn surprised me there. 'You think she will defect to the borg?' I am horrified, all her knowledge, the secrets.

'no!' Kathryn is adamant in her refusal 'but we still don't fully know the interaction of all her systems, it might not be something she controls. She is an individual, she is one of us, and we need to be ready to help her in all eventualities. Find a way to monitor the doctors programme for changes, however subtle, her regeneration, and her communications/works. Without her knowing. I might be worrying for nothing, it may all be emotional from that damned failsafe, or my betrayal with Chakotay. Whatever, better to be prepared. Always.' as she says this, I think of the scorpion parable, and just hope. Like everyone else, I have grown fond of Seven, she drives me mental, but still. 'always Kathryn, you can trust me always. ok'

I am unsettled at the girls night, and Miral picks up on it. I blame the debrief, but it is clear that I am snappy. I ask Seven if i can check her regeneration suite. She is surprised as it is running at '100% efficiency' but I say that it is a favour, and a routine diagnostic might settle my nerves. Shrugging, she lets me and I give her Miral in return. Miral is quickly passed to Naomi, who takes Seven to play Kadis Kott. It doesn't take me long to see that the subroutine I had added for the unimatrix monitor, and also the one following the conspiracy nonsense are both still there, and i redirect data flow to my workstation in the engineering institute. Tomorrow, when I am there working on the integration of some of our Voyager additions into the non-neural starships, I will be able to design a filter programme. Since i have not changed anything in the regeneration unit, there should be no difference. I rejoin the group and throw down the hyperspanner. 'you were right, 100% optimum efficiency'

I plan to take Miral home, hoping for an early night, but Megan stops me as I overhear her worries about her relationship with Mike. After all, a good gossip may be helpful. Kathryn suggests some couples counselling as an option. I snort without thinking, knowing how much she is enjoying that experience, and earn the 'death glare' as a response, and then hilarity from the others.

Naomi asks the question the others daren't, and Kathryn admits she and Chakotay are jointly having counselling. she says it is because so many of the difficult decisions were made together, either in agreement or not that part of coming to terms with the delta quadrant experience inevitably involves each other. More so now because of the added romantic relationship. After being so honest, it propels Sam to ask about whether they could have couples counselling, as she is struggling more than she thought, or maybe family counselling, to help them all be a family again. Naomi smiles at this. It's a deal.

Finally I do take Miral home, and Tom is greeted by a happier wife than he expected. He laughs at the thought that we might have the most straightforwards relationship currently. A excon starfleet brat and a maquis half Klingon.

-0-0-0-

 _thankyou for reviews and constructive criticism. I have done a rewrite on chapter one, and had a revision to this before posting, so hopefully less errors! Thankyou for reading and reviewing._


	3. Chapter 3 - damn the blonde borgs

Janeway

Whose damned stupid idea was this couple counselling idea anyway. Even I am not going to admit that one to myself. Crap. Even batlething with 'Lanna hasn't improved my mood, and then spending an evening with Seven, amongst others, would have tested the patience of a saint. And I'm not, a saint that is. Hell, I am one jealous woman. One old, complicated jealous woman. I listened to Chakotay bare his soul about the blonde borgs, and I realised that when I thought I had settled this in my head, I had just buried it. Burying is absolutely fine in my opinion. I stamp about our apartment and have another coffee. Coffee that just makes me more crazy. I seem to be more sensitive to its effects now I am denied the release of a good red alert. I feel cooped up, I need to do something. Something captainish - have a stand off in the delta quadrant. I realise that I am being somewhat ridiculous, but jealousy is terrible. In fact, prolonged exposure to the alpha quadrant seems to be making me more emotional. I am half tempted to steal the delta flyer and just vanish for a bit. Ridiculous.

I had forgotten the pain. I had blocked how devastated I was that so soon after effectively confessing his undying love through that touching angry warrior tale, a story that I used to recite to myself at night, and promising to remain by my side lightening my burdens, he was having a senseless 'pick me up' with the first available woman. Listening to him, I could recall that feeling that I had lost my own warp core, that I was sat dead in space. I realised instantly with that sick hollow feeling of dread, completely how compromised my happiness was, tied up in the form of my first officer. It made it worse that I could see some of myself, a lot of myself in her. Another day, another situation and I might even have liked her - until she used us.

Hell, I am still angry. I couldn't blame him, in truth, as I had never offered anything in return. At the time, just as now, this didn't seem to help at all. How could have he have known I was reconsidering the whole parameters nonsense. Then, when I saw the betrayal in him, it hit me. I realised I had no place for romantic love, I couldn't risk the broken heart. The sensation was an echo of losing Justin, and I couldn't risk that huge los again. I couldn't risk love failing. I was too afraid to get so involved. Instead, I let the hurt flash of anger consume me, and by the time I had it under control we were fighting over the Borg. And so today, I listened to him pour out his heart, guilty, contrite, knowing that I counted it a failure even though I had no real right to, even though at the time I thought I had got over it really quickly. I listened and it all rose up again, the anger, the bitter loss, the devastation.

So, hoping only Deanna might be able to sense it, I lie, dissemble and tell him that it was understandable, that I hurt but understood, put it behind us, that now it is OK, and I do my usual damn stupid ignore my feelings disaster. I tell him I knew there was a price for cleaving to the ship and crew. I don't tell him that I hadn't planned to do this until then, and what a terrible price it turned out to be, and so damned unnecessary. This counselling is not going to go well unless I can pluck up the courage for honesty.

Waiting for him to return, idly looking at PADDS, I do wonder whether there was something through the Borg linkage that reduced his barriers. And his explanation did touch me. I do love him. It was a long time ago. Ok, He still is forgiven. Damn.

Kellin, well, to be honest, neither of us actually remember her as she was completely forgetable. However, we were both drawn to keep paper records. Is it still so hard that he truly loved her, was heartsick afterwards. No possible coercion, nothing other than true love and joy. Seeing him in love had been so hard, but this time I had already let him go. i had already realised i was never going to offer him what he needed. In my letter, I think that he looked so happy, reborn. I don't have to forgive this. I hurt that he fell in love, but I knew I could be happy for him. Odd really. I can't believe it was on our list really. I didn't even need to forget, all the emotions are seen through the paper they were written on. I do not feel them. We never saw her again, no reminders.

I shuffle the PADDS some more. I know that Nechayev has some plans that I am not yet aware of, and the Captains of the Deep must be entangled in this. I admit that I enjoyed meeting a group of mismatched maverick captains, some more congenial than others. At one time, I think I would have enjoyed a flirtation with Captain Jack. Instead, we realised we had many characteristics in common, and he hopes to host some of my crew on his ship when he goes out. It is a shame that it is too early to consider Seven with appropriate company. I wonder still about Axum wandering the beta quadrant and I have a need to give back something to Seven if I can, and well we will see. Captain Jack had me laughing for much of the night, but underneath the banter I could hear the subtext. The federation is at risk from itself, it stands at the crossroads between hyper-militarisation or a return to its principles. The balance is close. There are lots of flashpoints. I look at the variety of information and seeing patterns and strands in my head, I make a few suggestions. I have some plans as well.

So, since my thoughts have already drifted there, that leaves Seven. Seven. Young, beautiful, intelligent, naive, not jaded, athletic, blonde. Damn. I think back to the scene we had in the readyroom, when we had the hurt of our heartsick argument, and also the joy of our first kisses, where I believed i had lost my chance of happiness. I can't forget the words he confessed as to why he was choosing seven. It isn't that I haven't forgiven him. That was the easy part. He and I couldn't see the future, he wanted a home, a family, and even if I had given in to our relationship, there was no child possible for me in the delta quadrant. As captain, I couldn't bring that child into the world. Even if we both survived long enough through the pregnancy, I could never have been so brave and so risky with Voyager and the crew once I had a child. I have nothing to forgive him for in moving on, trying to snatch an opportunity for happiness.

Forgetting is harder. Forgetting my imagination when she said they had intimate relations, picturing chakotay loving her. Forgetting that the person he moved on with is the person I thought of nearly as my daughter. Forgetting that he didn't tell me, that the whole of my crew watched me take that hit. I think that there could have been no woman on the ship that I could have struggled with more, except 'Lanna. Seven, my protegee, I loved her, I risked the crew more than once for her. I recall all her insecurities, I know that she loves me too. Not romantic, but more than friendship. Hmm, I picture her in the shuttle, as i dated our relationship to her to show tht she could trust me, could always trust me. Clearly she could trust me in every other way but this. I know that like the admiral I would have borne their love and relationship in the delta quadrant. It would have been a hurt of unimaginable amplitude, but for my love for them I would have tried. I would have lost them both in my withdrawal. Their short lived relationship has challenged and has fragmented my peace, I feel insecure. I released him from his promise to be by my side, and I hadn't realised what reassurance those words have given me all these years. Now, despite him being indisputably by my side, I have no promise to support me, and I miss it. I am jealous and insecure. Neither of these words are those that I would choose for myself as epithets.

If these three are truly his worst, as I did demand that he 'do his worst' then am worried that the person that needs forgiveness is me. That when I have spoken to him in front of Deanna, the whole complexity of me will have him retreat again. Damn. I am not sure why I am having counselling. I am doing just as well sitting here on the couch.

Icheb comes in, late for him. He had an evening with a group of cadets, working on a problem together. I am glad that he is gradually integrating. I talk about his day, grinning as he makes a joke at a professors expense. He admits this was another cadet's first, but he is working on humour, and he does have quite a natural dry sense of humour. I drink a glass of wine whilst he has a soda and he adds some peace to my day by telling me gossip, rolling his eyes at some of the crazy questions he gets asked. Harren has been in contact as they have a side theorum they are working on together, it will help with temporal theory apparently. We discuss it for a bit, and although I am good, Icheb is better. I understand him, and what they are doing, but it takes a very special mind to take this further. I admit to being extremely impressed, which pleases him and he says will please Harren. He then looks around at the scattered PADDS and reminds me that I can relax now as well. I love that he kisses my forehead when he goes to bed, and tells me not to wait up too late.

He is right, I hope Chakotay is not too late. I hope that we have not waited until it is too late.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

So here we are, counselling again. Kathryn looks like the Captain. She has her mask completely attached. Hell, I know that this is going to be bad. I don't know why we are doing this. Spirits, yesterday was dreadful. She said all the right words, but I didn't feel them in my heart. I feel her slipping away from me and I don't know that I can bear it. When she left with B'E, she seemed on edge still. She was asleep when I got back. I got back way to late, coward! I just didn't think I could bear it if she turned away from me. Now I feel worse, as we just haven't spoken. Breakfast was coffee and run, with Icheb looking worried. Hell, but I need to do something about this.

'Kathryn' and I catch her arm as we walk out and get a weak smile from her. 'we don't need to do this'. She stops, surprised. 'Honestly, Kathryn, you hated yesterday, we don't have to press on with counselling, we could talk about something different with Deanna, i just' I pause here, what am I really worried about? 'I just don't want to push us to do this so quickly that we can't breathe in between.' she looks worried still. 'Take it slow instead, imagine our love is Voyager, and these revelations are battering at our shields. I don't want them to fail Kathryn'

'are you saying that counselling feels like a red alert?' I can see relief in her eyes that she is not alone.

I explain that I found it cathartic to have the opportunity to just let out my worst fears, my big mistakes, but afterwards I realised that she hadn't said anything personal back. I was worried. I am more worried now the command mask reappears. I tell her to talk to me, tell me everything. Tell me what she felt yesterday, or 'do her worst' today. I am prepared. I don't tell her that, that I have spent last night wondering whether Kashyk or jaffen is the worst, or whether B'E's half whispered babbling about Tom is real.

'chakotay, don't, please don't make this harder.' she whispers ' Just let me get this done. Sometimes ' and she tries for a small grin 'sometimes you just have to punch your way through. then we can work on fixing the shields' she pauses before she mutters under her breath 'we are going to be blown out of the water' and we walk into the quiet room Deanna has for us. At this moment I would welcome a red alert, or a return to secrets.

I sit there, dread building up, thinking that nothing can be as bad as my imagination and yet it is worse, far worse. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. Though in our case, something more of a chroniton missile exploding, as it remakes all our history as it is recounted. Time is re-presented, and all our moments change. she is right. I am not sure how to move past this, we are blown out of the water. I had read her fleeter records, but there had been no mention of her stay with the cardassians. She tells me all in a quiet and low voice. It isn't her she is talking about. It is some other cadet and captain. Spirits! Owen! She tells it in the third person, distancing herself from the events. It changes everything. I try very hard not to see the scene, not to see the younger, frailer and yet freer Kathryn, full of life, laughter and enthusiasm without the ablative armour added afterwards. I refuse to see her caught, I refuse to think of her naivety being ripped from her, imagine her face as the reality becomes clear. I fail to not imagine her trying to be the starfleet officer to the best of her ability against such personal assault. I see where the shadows come from, I see where the overwhelming care for her crew, particularly the young female crew came from. Kes, keeping her safe from the Kazon, encouraging her. B'E, giving her the strength to face her past and her heritage, her care of Sam and Naomi. Oh God, Seven. her compunction to rescue her over and over again. The knowledge shreds me.

The knowledge opens up her decisions, dissects them in new ways. Alters subtly but powerfully the perspective. It changes her fear of commitment into the fear of exposing her inner self, that opening fully to another person allowing them to see her fully. I finally understand. It changes her bloody parameters, he need to control and organise and compartmentalise until she could be encouraged to release when she felt safe. I never gave her that chance, I couldn't see. I see now. It changes her hesitance. It changes Quarra and jaffen. Oh Spirits, does it change Jaffen She did try to explain in the ready room, and I could hardly bear to listen. Now, Hell, I don't know what to say. It was, as she said, nearly the same. She did not consent, it wasn't her, and when she came back to herself it would have uncovered all her hidden fears and hurt. She needed a best friend and I turned away. Jaffen loved her, was kind and generous in his love, I could see this in their interactions. He thought she loved him, consented. She was never fully there.

I reframe everything and it I see everything afresh. The Borg, how she could so bravely face the Borg, accepting the possibility that they would take her individuality, the thing that got her through. Again, I see her interacting with and protecting Seven, and the love she so willingly gave comes spilling out of these memories. Giving Seven her individuality and protecting her, her making reparation to her younger self.

I can't catch her eyes, she is still reciting steadfastly as if the horror of the story means it just needs to keep falling out of her, spilling out of her mouth until it is all done. An automaton divesting itself of the programmed information. I am kneeling at her feet, holding her hand in mind, willing her to look at me. I love her, this doesn't change my love for her, and I am not sure why she thought it might. If anything it makes me proud of her, for not letting it dominate. I understand so much more. It changes what I feel about myself, and wish I had known this. I am proud of her recovery. She is the woman I love.

When she does finally look at me, it is with utter resignation. She has no relief from telling me the worst. She moves on with the story. She tells me of Justin, her rescuer, strong, handsome, principled, and willfully uncomprehending. She tells me of the despair that she would never be able to love him. I am encouraging, thinking we are moving to positives, she will tell me how he restored to her her spirit, or maybe Mark. I just don't see where this is leading. I just don't see that we have yet to get to the real concussion. It starts so gently, how can I tell it will break me.

She tells me of the young cadet, a cadet that she had seduced in her wilder days, a cadet of good heart and gentleness who without asking for anything in return helps her to recover from the physical restrictions. Nights of love and gentleness, healing given. Someone that she only realises offered her his heart many years later when she overheard a story. She looks at me as if I should judge her for this too, and I profess my gladness that she had someone gentle and kind. That none of this changes how much I love her. It does change our past, and I wish I had known, but not our future. She bites her lower lip, and I understand that I am missing a piece of the jigsaw, emphasised when she looks sideways at Deanna, who nods. She elaborates. I wish she would just say his name. Someone who had been brought up in similar circles to hers, yet whose life was already spiralling out of the starfleet path. Talented, empathetic, would eventually make a significant error of judgement and she would be glad to help in his... reclamation.

She pauses, but I am not admitting the information. That word. I know, but I refuse. Its fine, it really is... He must have been laughing at me for seven f-ing years. I have to get out. I see them writhing together, I see her whispering to him at the conn. I hardly notice as I drop her hand and stand, chairs careening out of my trajectory. I need space. I see her arms twist around him and hands bring his head to hers for a kiss, framed by stars. I have to leave. Now.

-0-0-0-

Deanna Troi

Counselling is careful thing, even when you are part betazoid. Knowing and understanding the emotions doesn't mean that you can predict where they will go, when they might break. The command team are a particular challenge. I have experience in challenging counselling. I have spent decades counselling people who are nearly pathological about avoiding tampering with their mind. For them, and the command crew, starting the dialogue is important. Talking and listening. They are clever, loving, intuitive people. They will hit the bottom and then, with encouragement, rebuild into a shared structure and be better for it.

It is clear that although their hearts trust each other, their minds don't always. They have held things back, he still needs to discuss his time as a maquis and personal hurt which is a far bigger issue to moving on than two of the three loves. I don't think he has fully grasped how this has also affected his personal decisions, made him ambivalent about loving fully again. It made him divert to lesser loves, distractions. I think that rather than command structure or respect is what stopped him from pushing Kathryn to re-evaluate. It is clear that at least twice, whether consciously or not he sabotaged the option of their relationship progressing.

She has identified her biggest issue to share. Kashyk and Jaffen will not be a problem, particularly jaffen, because she chose him. The problem is guilt not betrayal. Guilt from him for what he didn't understand and now does. Guilt from her for what she has hidden, even though this wasn't a sharing option. Since she bravely shared with B'Elanna, I can only presume she would have shared with Chakotay if the moment had seemed right. Seven, I am not sure how much of a problem that will be, as Kathryn has a complex relationship of over-identifying, maternal substitution and jealousy.

I hadn't expected him to have such a violent response to the admission of a very historical relationship with Tom Paris. I am aware that they had history of betrayal, but thought years on Voyager had changed this. Had I predicted he would storm out, I would have pulled kathryn back for them to adjust before moving on. When Kathryn followed him, I asked her to contact me when they were ready to talk, ideally today.

It is considerably later, when she asks if I am free to join them in their apartment for dinner. She has cooked, I learn later that this is something to celebrate, she now has a single dish - a bean stew and cornbread. This is what I smell as I walk in. Both are dressed informally, and conversation is stilted. I acclimatise by looking at the images on the wall, and asking Chakotay to talk about them as Kathryn finishes in the kitchen. Each image has them both, working together and with their crew. i have seen these images of the triumphant walk, well most of them.

From initially hardly bearing to look at the images as he tells me about them, and the scenes around them he starts to elaborate and become involved with the images, with the story. He clearly loves the image taken in sickbay with the parises, baby miral and Naomi. 'our daughters' he breathes. They truly made a family out there. A crew led by two people who should have been broken by circumstance but raised above it, and gave their crew confidence to become more too. He huffs a laugh at engineering, and Kathryn joins us for a second as he talks about the tickertape, and his suggesting he gives kathryn increased lift so she can be tallest. A look of love passes between them. She moves off as he talks about the armoury and security staff and then science. His voice peters away at the next image. I know why, gossip and other counselling has filled me in on the astrometrics debacle. Yet, as I murmur, sometimes the truth sets us free. I see Seven, confident, imperious and superior in this image, a contrast to the later one on the bridge, where there is determination and perhaps I am projecting the insecurity. I wish I was her counsellor, I imagine she swapped a fully functional mother figure for a romanticised lover ideal. I let Chakotay quickly move on past the astrometrics, past the mess hall and to the bridge. I let him smile again and breathe freely at the image we have all seen of the captain held on his and Tom's shoulders, arms up in celebration with the Earth behind. Their senior and bridge crew surrounding them, full of love and joyfulness.

Kathryn rejoins us, and places her hand unconsciously on chakotay's arm, and I feel them both relax and then draw together at the last image. One that I have not seen before, of them both gazing at each other on the bridge. Neither provide commentary, it is not necessary 'dinner' she says. We eat, and I feel the tension dissipating. When we finally move to the couches, my counselling skills are barely required. I nudge them for their resolutions, Kathryn begins with complex feelings over Seven - jealousy and guilt. Chakotay admits that part of Seven wasn't just because she asked, but because maybe he was trying to destroy all chance of their relationship, so that he just didn't need to deal with it any more. He convinces her that there is no need for jealousy. This leads to a discussion of Riley and joint discovery of true reasons and responses.

As we sit talking they gradually move closer and unconsciously are snuggling on the couch when they revisit Kathryn's incarceration and torture, and her reclamation by Tom. This time it is Chakotay acknowledging both guilt and jealousy. The anger that spilled out earlier in the day. he should have known, it would have made such a difference. That he did know that Tom was in the past, that she was professional at all times. He wishes he had known so that he could have seen how exceptional gaining her trust was, that her complexity was integral. He loves her for her complexity.

As I leave, we are not there, there are still consolidations to be made, and Chakotay to discuss his distant past, and Kathryn her more recent. but they both know, as do I, that they are going to make it. Work in progress, but they have the foundations. They ask if all the sessions can be here, in their home. It keeps them grounded. I agree, leaving them wrapped in each others arms.

Counselling is a careful thing. It can be very rewarding.


	4. Chapter 4 - Tom's tale

Admiral Paris

I wonder if he realises what a windbag he is. This meeting could have been finished in half the time. I surreptitiously look at my PADD. Tom has sent me some latest photos of Miral, and she is such a cutie. I miss them, since they are living with us only at the weekend. Katie was right though, B'Elanna is much more relaxed with us in small doses, and she has even commed Elizabeth and just taken Miral to meet up on the spur of the moment. Awww. Hayes is still droning on.

'Ah yes, I agree' I nearly missed my cue. We are talking about sending Katie out on a mission next week. It is a bit soon, only back a month, but this is a low key visit to planets affected by the cardassian and then dominion war to listen and offer help and promote the federation. there is some humming and hawing about crew and team. We have a few ships that could host her, or crew a smaller ship with ex voyager. She can choose a security team and aide and will be given a starfleet and a federation advisor.

'She can take Chakotay with her on the security team?'

Endless fuss by the old ones, stuffed shirts because they are not married, and it would count as fraternisation. The odd dig that maybe this was ongoing through the delta quadrant - despite all the evidence to the contrary. Hayes objects as we planned, and we have a bit of a disagreement. In the end, the air of the room is a current no. So I go for the back up.

'ok, but he can go and visit his sister then. will offer then a week of leave when the talks have finished too.'

We line up four worlds, 3-4 days each dependent on outcome. so three weeks total with travel.

The pro Katie admirals - and there are a lot of them - moan that this is too much, they are only just back. Surely she deserves some time to relax, the 1 years leave they are allocated. Paterson is there, championing her.

The anti maquis admirals complain that she has had a maquis crew, so shouldn't go out as biased, that debriefings haven't fully determined a few of the more quirky decision outcomes, and there is the equinox. Why she wrote such detailed logs is beyond me. Alynna works well with this group, a well respected leader.

After more debate, with some pushing as required, we have agreed that we need her to go out, to do some representation for us. Starfleet needs a hero. 2 planets, 3 days each plus a weeks leave, a fortnight more or less. Chakotay can travel with them, even stay but not part of visiting team. tactical/security of 3 from crew and 1 from ship, 1 aide from voyager, 1 from starfleet and a federation council civilian.

We have chosen Chin'toka and Dorvan. One on each side of a political chasm. I hope Kathryn will see what is at stake here, I am confident of her political nose. Overtly, we all just want to see what she will make of an ambassadorial role. It is contentious and unstated that we are immediately sending her to negotiate on behalf of her previous captors and the people that she officially and members of her crew unofficially fought against. If she is successful here, it will lay to rest many issues for all of them. Covertly we will seek to determine that she can be unbiased in her dealings, cardassian planet vs DMZ. No-one here is sure quite what to do with such a triumphant Captain Janeway, but the debrief is just the initial probe into her capabilities.

She isn't allied obviously to a faction, her father had friends that now cross our divisions and I have seen her talk, welcome and be delighted with them all. She might be able to do it. We all read how she began the idea of a federation whilst trapped in the delta quadrant. Can she be the glue now? A few of the dominion war heroes want to hold onto their glory for a while longer, and use any opportunity to let their jealousy affect their decision making. It marks them out to us.

This, anyway, is a start. It will settle concerns, ease the maquis promotions perhaps. Well, it will hopefully deal with the maquis question and that they deserve their place. I want her to be associated with peace, rebirth. Step one.

Step two might be to interfere and place her personal life on formal basis, civil partnership or marriage. Or nothing. I hope Deanna is successful. I might speak to Tom, though clearly he wasn't helpful in the delta quadrant at playing cupid.

-0-0-0-

Tom Paris

Party -5

Ha! I had never expected Katie/Captain to love the music I had prepared for her that last night on Voyager quite so much. Hell, I have to sort out what to call her. B'E is all for calling her Kathryn, but she and I know that she is Katie to me, and I need some heads up from her when she has had the talk with Chakotay. I don't know that he will take it as well as B'E did, after all, we did have one hell of a past. Anyway, she has argued that disco is 'her' sound. Certainly when she and Chakotay twirled back into the voyager holodeck end party handcuffed - handcuffed! where did she get handcuffs! - together whilst i was locked in that cage on the dance floor, dancing to that song I did wonder. After all, the song about love being like some old European battle hadn't been on her selection although quite a few other numbers by them were. Uplifting, twentieth century dancing stuff with a good dance beat. Actually, lots of their music struck me as being written for the captain and the boss, all that time ago. B'E says that a couple of the numbers the dance classes routines go with are by them as well. She said we should slip them in at the bash following the voyager thankfulness ceremony. It should get the girls all up and dancing , and by the look in her eye, that is something she thinks I might well like. 'Erm, will Chakotay kill me?' . She laughs, 'nope, I think he should love it too.' I'm gonna look out for that CC song [captain 'n Chakotay] and play it for them again. I'm in charge - as always - of the ents. Tom Paris EO [ents officer] that's me! So at the thankfulness shindig, we are going to crack out that warp drive disco holoprogram and run it down here in one of the large halls for our private party. I say private, but I think my dad plans to gatecrash 'to look after Miral' tho hopefully the captain will quash that one. Gonna dance that maquis special too, that's our voyager triumphant dance. We are going to have fun. Where is Harry so we can add in some surprises. I think a voyager flying across and shooting a borg cube would be good. 'come on Miral sweetie pie, we are going to find Uncle Harry' 'gurgle, coo'

Party -4

B'E is stamping about claiming that she is wondering what to wear for the party. Really she is just stamping about. The debriefings got a bit tricky, with discussion of Crell Moset and also the Sikarian mistake. Things that she had thought she had got over years ago, I'm not sure which has her most upset to be honest. Hormones don't help. Dammit, they are not helping me either. Since the doctor told us after the fact that conception might be possible immediately after birth, somewhat after we would have liked to known, we have been waiting to find out. Hell. I immediately had the booster, but B'E needed to wait until the doctor was sure. This is trickier in human klingon hybrids - and I hate that term - but should be clear by the date of the ceremony. I want a big family but not quite just yet! We have our chosen our outfits anyway, whatever B'E is stomping about. She and the Captain are wearing the matching very short cat dresses that that ancient band wear, apparently the captain fancied their tinfoil outfits, but chakotay put his foot down. Mind you, he says he isn't wearing the white dungaree flares either, so currently that is my outfit. Hell, but those men were wearing awful outfits. Next time we get to choose, though B'E says we should just concentrate on what they are wearing! She hasn't put it on for me yet, but it is not much longer than dress uniform, more like her batleth leather tunic.

Chakotay says we should also hope that they don't sing. I remember Katie's singing. he is right! I love that we have made a strong quartet of friendship, but hope Harry doesn't feel too bad about it, when he eventually surfaces from the charms of Jenny! I did ask her if she was practising mind control over him, but at his beautifully dark red flush, no-one was in any doubt at the actual control methods. I am glad that he has finally chosen the right twin for him. Shame that Mike and Megan aren't working out quite so straightforwardly. Hmm, i think I had better draw Harry in a bit more. Its time he got over the captain persona.

I have Miral whilst B'E does some Batleth training with the Captain. Hopefully it should take some of the temper out of her. A good bit of fighting together should even her out, and then she will pick up Miral and go to Sam's for girls night, whilst we lads enjoy a more relaxed evening of beer, pizza and pool. Bit of light hearted teasing. I can't believe how things have worked out so well. I just hope that we are not tempting the fates.

Party -3

Hmm, from the black eye I have just had cleaned up, by the doc - as an off the record walk into the door -I am imagining that Katie got to me in their counselling debrief sesh with Deanna. Hell. Guess we have been tempting the fates after all. Unfortunately I happened to be in the wrong corridor at the wrong time when he stormed out. Call it maquis justice. Commed B'E as not really sure what to do about it now. Katie ran out past me to find him and B'E organised Icheb to go to Sam's for the evening to give them some space to, well argue. We all know just how good they were at that. Shit, but this is not good.

When I got back to the apartment block, I timed it wrong, and arrived at our door as Katie arrived at hers. Shouldn't have been so bad, except that we both saw a shimmering blue catsuited ex Borg swish out saying 'any time' and swinging her hips as she went to the lift with a secretive smile. She didn't even nod to Katie or me. But Katie's face took on 'the look' and before her door had closed, I swear that I heard the slap and so I literally ran into our apartment. I don't even want to wonder what that was all about.

There is hell to pay next door for a bit. Luckily the soundproofing is good enough that I can't hear the actual words and then it goes quiet. I see on our scuttlebutt a fair few rumours flying about, one about Seven and Chakotay again, already! how does that happen, unless it is Seven commenting? I consider this and discuss with B'E. we both agree, that it could be Seven after all, making a further try at romance. B'E says she is going to investigate that a bit. We both like Seven, and like her too much to want her to meddle. She just doesn't have experience with relationships, and lets face it, from her perspective the captain snuck Chakotay out from her arms by devious means too. The fallout would be catastrophic. I hope that it was nothing when she was in the apartment, I am sure that it was actually. Chakotay isn't stupid, he is very loyal and he has loved Kathryn for far too long.

Party -2

Today it is my turn for hell and high water with the debriefings, both really as we discussed the Monean incident. Looking at my reasons for disobeying both my captain and the prime directive. very clever, as they picked on her instances of blowing the prime directive out of the water and wanted me to comment on similarities and differences. Are they aiming for the captain or just interested in what I learnt from the event? There always got to be a hidden aim with starfleet. I think I explain all as best as i can, and with utter honesty. the captain was very clear on that utter honesty about anything professional is more important than even the prime directive, and if you did something truly desperately awful, then attempt to show you learnt and grew from it. Fairly certain she has quite a few incidents that she is going to be spinning that way. I explain that sometimes you just have to do what you know is right, a decision that you can live with. This was humanitarian aid. When they ask if I would do this again, I say that I would try and have a much longer conversation with my captain about the options and outcomes to come to a middle path solution. They all nod wisely at this. I don't say the truth, which is an affirmative.

I get back, crack open a beer and B'E is pacing and Miral fussing. Thank god its tomorrow we find out from the doc if we have another on the way. I can't bear the ramping up of tension. For me, I believe it will be fine, whichever, but we are both hoping that we can just concentrate on miral for a bit. Putting out best faces on, we go out to the voyager dinner in the mess, after all it is Thursday. The command team are sitting together, with Icheb, so that seems a bit better than yesterday, though Katie has a bit of a captains mask on her. I look for Seven, and see that she is playing kadis kott again with Naomi, and ignoring the commander. Tal and Sam are doing a great job of being her friends, I see them talking as they pass by, smiling and showing that living together has been successful.

Chakotay has only eyes for Kathryn again, so whatever is making her have the mask on, I don't think it is yesterday's relationship explosion. I'm not sure whether I should show my face at their table yet, so B'E and I sit with Mike, who is Megan-less. In fact he is looking quite dejected, so B'E goes to join the command team and I ask Mike all about it. Poor p'tak [i have clearly been living with B'E for too long] . He is torn as he wants to spend lots of time with his kids, and yet Megan isn't happy with him spending lots of that same time with his ex wife. His ex wife seems to be enjoying his company, and he certainly enjoys hers too. He is wondering whether now he isn't in the delta quadrant, he may have made a too hasty decision. [that certainly seems a familiar story] and perhaps he should go slow with Megan and/or slow with his ex wife and give most of his time to his kids. I agree where necessary and sit and let him spill it all out. He certainly loves his kids, I think he love Megan, but it's new and passionate and not certain yet, and he clearly once loved his wife, though that was seven years ago. I do the only sensible friend thing, and tell him to talk through with the counselors and have family counselling with both of them, separately. if they love him, they will wait for him to decide, and that will give both of them also time. Concentrate on the kids.

I'm glad when B'E and I get to go back to our home. We have been the lucky ones.

Party -1

I am so glad that we are not pregnant. I nearly kissed the doctor, to his shock! Yep, and maybe slightly disappointed after all. B'E had the booster though to make sure that we can live and love worry free. I saw that Kathryn visited the doc after us, and I was surprised at that as we are all supposed to be using starfleet medical. Ok, we didn't, but we didn't want the PTB to know, and I guess for Kathryn it could be the same. She has been looking pretty well compared to the last few months on Voyager , in fact glowing. Guess that is love and a removal of command for you.

I nearly ask Chakotay about her visit when he come up to me at lunchtime to apologise. At the last minute, I decide i should just go with his conversation. I need to get back into that friendly relationship we have been developing and put the very much past behind us. He is brief and too the point, he doesn't ever want to actually talk about it with me - that's OK, honestly, it would be seriously weird to talk to him about my many many years ago secret liaison x 2 with Kathryn. I don't know what she has said, so I'll get B'E to ask her. I think that that is going to be it, then Chakotay thanks me, and has tears in his eyes as he gives me a big hug. I am going to think of it as a man-hug, but it was more than that, it was trust and agreement that we are a team, a family tied by fortune, fate and secrets shared. She must have said everything. I smile, and say that I did it for her, but now I belong to B'E, 99.9% and smirk, before calling him brother and changing the topic. The safest seems to be the execrable clothing we are going to wear for the women we love at that party tomorrow. Chakotay suggests we miss off the shirt components, that might work. So I'll just be in the dungarees, and him in the jumpsuit. We agree a few beers will help. As he leaves, I see him brush off Seven with gentleness, and breathe. OK, so the fates are still kind.

The afternoon debrief wasn't so bad at all, it was as the three musketeers discussing the delta flyer, and how we came up with the idea, and potential uses. We have been asked if we can have a bit of a look at the delta flyer and see if there are any upgrades so it can be used as an ultrasafe, ultrafast diplomatic vessel. B'E, Harry and I jumped at the chance, so we will be active at it on Monday. Already B'E and I are comming each other with ideas of upgrades, shielding, back up power systems etc. I could do that kind of debrief again. Unfortunately it kinda followed on from my warp 10 conversation. the lizard babies were a bit of a difficult thing to discuss, and I know Dad is going to have a bit of rip taken from him for this. For me, I am not sure how we left them behind. I feel uncertain about them. I might need to talk to Katie, or will it stir things best left behind? Hell, I think that I wish the Captain hadn't always been quite so... honest... in her logs always. It would have been better to have never raised the issue.

Thank God for pizza night. It was a bit off the cuff, and i could have brigged B'E for inviting the doc. He's family, I will always welcome him, he has saved me, B'E and delivered Miral but... I just find he makes me feel like the ensign I was at the beginning of the journey rather than now. I think he was shocked when i called him on it.

He must of listened though as he really made an effort. Katie was all over him, making him feel welcome. She was all excited about tomorrow. Chakotay left early to prepare for the ceremony part on Voyager. None of us know exactly what Katie has planned, though she says old uniforms. The doc is going to write up a paper on the DNA changes at warp 10 and submit it to the federation research journal of biosciences. He will need a name though. He has promised no names, and definitely no touching on the mating and lizard babies on threat of decompilation. B'E pointed out this threat is now worthless.

I am more excited bout the neural control mech. perhaps we can tie this into the new class of delta flyer plus we are developing eventually.

Thinking of the doc, I saw that he was being friendly with Harry too. I think I overheard them making plans to enjoy the cultural aspects of being home.

perhaps i really have done the doc a favour.

-0-0-0-


	5. Chapter 5 - a party

Naomi

'Icheb, Icheb, over here!' I shout at Icheb as soon as I see him coming into the mess hall, jumping and waving madly. Today is going to be just such fun. Aunty Kathryn has arranged for us to redecorate the mess hall, as that part of the refurb is done. I nearly cried when I saw that they had taken out Neelix's kitchen and put back the senior dining room. A whole bank of replicators will never be as much fun. I miss Neelix and the clattering and noise of his kitchen. I hate that voyager isn't ours any more. i bet that is why Aunty Kathryn made sure we could make our mark on her.

Icheb comes over, smiling and saying hello to everyone as he comes past. Since the Captain adopted him, he has become much more talkative with the rest of the crew. We are both going to be Captains one day. He says he will get there first, and have me on his ship as first officer. I don't think so Icheb! I am going to be the starship captain, you are going to do something entirely different and wonderful. I have sat with the Captain long enough and quietly enough that she doesn't always realise how much she is telling me. Or maybe, she does realise, and she is training me in her image. I see how she thinks for the long game.

We grin and laugh with each other and go and watch the fun start. My holoimages are on the wall, and it say taken by Captain's Assistant Naomi Wildman, first daughter of Voyager on the plaque about the Voyager wall. I am so happy. Icheb thinks my head won't fit through the doors any more. They aren't in order, as the bridge picture is central, and we are awaiting the Captain and Commander to add their hand prints underneath and sign them. Chell as placed a low table infront, and there are sponges with paint impregnated that we press our hands on and then put on the wall. then there is a cleaning cloth and bin. All very straightforwards. The captain is pouting though, as the colours are just blue red and gold, like the uniforms, and she isn't sure she wants red. I can see the commander rolling his eyes at her. Suddenly, her face is sparkling, and she puts all three colours on her hand in different places and puts it on the wall under the bridge picture, her right hand. It looks small and delicate, and I love that the three colours overlap slightly, so we have nearly a rainbow. She is much happier as she wipes her hand clean and then signs. We all applause, and do so again as the commander adds his hand next to hers, in red only whilst she teases him for following the rules.

Soon everyone is taking turns placing their hands on the wall, and Icheb and I get to place ours too, he does his multicoloured in astrometrics, and mine is multicoloured in sick bay. Everyone else is sticking to their uniform colours. I bet Neelix would have been multicoloured. Ooh, Miral is also multicoloured, though hers is a little bit smudgy as she didn't want to uncurl her fingers. I take Miral for cuddle whilst B'Elanna does hers. Suddenly there is lots of laughter and we are all looking at the command couple. I'm not sure what has happened, but the commander has given the captain a hug. Oh dear! That is the death glare! When he takes his hand off, we can see each hand is a different colour, and all the people behind the captain are laughing. It looks like she is going to bawl him out, so instead he kisses her, making sure his hands don't mess her again. They certainly do like kissing. Hmm! Icheb comes across and distracts me, so I miss the commander adding more handprints, but I do see the captain adding hers to chakotay. Awww, she has added one to his heart. He does that teddy bear look that he only does for her. I drag Icheb to get some of the handprinting action, and soon I am covered. everyone wants to put their handprints on me. i make sure I put my handprints on Icheb too.

Before we get scooted out, Icheb and I walk a bit around Voyager. I remember sneaking after Seven before we became friends down this corridor. I remember hiding from the Hirogen in this little cupboard. I remember walking proudly with the Captain along this corridor. Icheb smiles at my memories. He calls me first daughter of Voyager, which I love. We sit down in the bridge chairs, he lets me take Captain and he is first officer. He holds my hand and tells me that Voyager will now always carry us and our love with her, just as we have Voyager always with us. She brought us home safely. He tells us we can both be brave and adjust to life in the alpha quadrant because we started with such a gift. I nod. I miss Voyager, I miss running and seeing all my friends, but they are still there. Aunty Kathryn spends time with me still, I am still her assistant, and Seven is a big sister for me. He asks me about my father, and I admit to liking him after all. He smiles gently at me, and I know that I am his whole world, a miracle for him. I am glad to have met him, and he is coming to the party tonight.

We hear the turbolift in time to hide behind Harry's station. It is the Captain and chakotay, they sit where we were sat, and laugh. 'come on, Kathryn, time to look to the future' he pats the station between them, and stands, reaching out a hand for her. She stands and pauses, looking through the viewscreen at Earth. 'one last time Chakotay' and he holds her in his arms. She then looks straight at Harry's station and orders us to stand and leave with her! 'Icheb, Naomi, you too, time to roll out, on the double!' and we jump up and follow them into the turbolift. Although she has tried to pull a stern expression, it is hard to take it seriously when her uniform is covered in handprints. Also, Chakotay is pulling silly faces to try and make us laugh. 'i don't know why I put up with you' she huffs at him as they leave for the shamusay ceremony. Apparently it is thankyou in chakotay's tribal language. I am just looking forwards to the party! Icheb is being my escort, something I am excited about! I loved the twirling dancing we did at Voyager's party, so hope we get to do some more. I have just the right twirly dress.

-0-0-0-

Janeway

Honestly, we should have had a damned disco every month. They are just so much fun. I need a bit of a release, as Owen has unofficially told me what will be official on Monday. I have an optional [read that as you like] mission. Basically I need to prove my maquis are starfleet. So tonight we will dance and celebrate and be a family without care, and tomorrow we will have a council in my unofficial ready room. Damn. I knew it would come, but was hoping a little bit longer, and definitely not those two worlds. Sigh! I see Chakotay look at me. I know, no secrets anymore. I give him a wry grin and ask him to wait until tomorrow, let us enjoy this party tonight. He nods and goes to get changed. We have had a great goodbye to Voyager today, something to help the crew, and me, let go of her and start to move on. We laughed, placed our mark on her, thanked her and now we will drink her good health. I have said my goodbye now.

I put on my tunic, and place some matching opaque tights underneath, so I am not quite as exposed! Still have some thigh high boots. My outfit is turqoise and 'Lanna is pink. We are ready to dance. The rest of our dance group is also coming in '70's gear' . I think we have all fallen into Tom's twentieth century addiction. There are some good dance beats there! Chakotay strikes a dance pose for me and I cannot help but grin. Damn but he is sexy. I am tempted to pull him into bed. He can see me think that and moves towards me and wraps me in a passionate kiss. Gods, Chakotay, but you can kiss! each kiss is like that first one, and I am breathless and wanting more. He tries a leer, something that he is not particularly successful at, but it makes me laugh and push him away. The chime goes to tell us Tom and 'Lanna are here, so we are all good to go. let's do it!

Chakotay

I love the way she eyes me up when I return, dressed and ready to out. My confidence has increased just by now knowing that all those years I was surreptitiously watching her, she was returning the favour. Now that we can openly show our love it is like Spring sunshine after a hard Winter. The four of us stride down to the party together, ready to strike a pose when we enter. It will be a shame when we have to start becoming more formal as we restart our starfleet lives, as this opportunity to relax and have fun with out seven year family has certainly helped our readjustment. Seeing everyone appreciate the Kathryn I have always known was there is also good.

We have practiced a more sedate version of our 'Waterloo' dance, which Tom says will be our Voyager signature dance. Could be worse! The admirals would all keel over if they saw it, so something more publicly appropriate seems the way to go. I love dancing with Kathryn, and we laugh as we move through the steps. There is no doubt that we are a happy couple. She has promised me most of the dances, but says it is time to be a little bit less possessive, and she will be a little bit less provocative this time. This dance though, this is ours, laughing and smiling at each other, passing in and out of each others arms, a twist and twirl, passing close, evoking flesh memories of more intimate dancing, a wriggle, a pulse, but mostly laughter and the knowledge that our minds and bodies work well together. Always. We finish in each others arms, as we should always have done.

She places her hand on my heart as she kisses my cheek before moving to take the floor with her dance class. Oh, I am going to enjoy this. They all stand in pose, and Kathryn is looking directly at me. She nods, and they all dance a fairly provocative, but very energetic 'dancing queen' I am not the only person captivated by the sight of half the female crew moving together as choreographed by Kathryn, clearly in a wicked mood. I hope that we all get some more of that dancing. Cheers follow and then we all are informal, dancing, eating and talking. Kathryn is off dancing, I hope Baytart can handle her!

Janeway

I can feel my grin splitting my face. I love the energy of dance, the losing myself to the beat. Clearly, especially since Owen Paris sits there with Miral, as well as recognition that the freedom of Voyagers end party is going to be rarely seen, I am definitely behaving. My dance with Chakotay will have been observed for propriety, and although still on the risque side, will have passed muster. The all girls dance was slightly more showy, but a good mix of exercise as well as sex appeal. Certainly the gleam was inn Chakotay's eyes. The gleam is pretty almost always in Chakotay's eyes. Having randomly danced with a selection of the crew, as well as another dance class dance, I can start to relax. Owen is not scrutinizing us so carefully. I see Sam here with Grek, and looking very happy with each other. They have only had a few counselling sessions together, but I hear that they have been very helpful. Not so much in the case of Megan and Mike, they are both trying not to be drawn to each other, both clearly unhappy. I wonder if that's what we looked like towards the end of our journey. I raise my eyes at Chakotay, and I go to Megan and see him walk towards Mike. I coax her to where the food and drink is and get her to talk about it, the encouragement by the counsellor to spend some time apart, allowing Mike to see clearly. I point out that this is very sensible, but at this party, might not spending some time together also be good? What I can't tell Megan is that there will be some enforced time apart, as Mike will be joining me on my next mission. As if coincidentally, I wander towards Chakotay and he gravitates towards me until we are a slightly awkward foursome. A bit of silent communication allows us to push the two together, and whether this is long lasting or not, they are happier in each others company than apart.

Chakotay

So we dance together having solved Mike and Megan's immediate problem, and then Kathryn steers us to Owen, where we talk and she has him laughing over Miral and memories of the far past before taking the baby and dismissing him. He looks somewhat outraged, but she reminds him that the crew need at least the last short while of the party to truly let their hair down. He is an inhibitor to this. He bats back that she should be too, and she shrugs and agrees that this was initially the case, but at the informal dances, such as this, there are no formalities and a modicum of decorum maintained. Other events she might well leave earlier. There is a relaxation as he bids farewell to Tom and B'E and leaves. Kathryn and I curl around each other and the baby. We both have hopes that maybe this will be in our future, one day, when the future is more clear. We haven't really discussed the future. We live in the present, and with Deanna, are gradually sorting out the past so that the future can be ours. We have some time on our side, though the delta quadrant has taught me not to take anything for granted. We both just relax into enjoying the sight of our happy crew, and just being together. Words are not always necessary, nor showy actions. Sitting here, close to the woman I love and surrounded by friends so close they are family, I am at peace with the world. So comfortable am I, that I almost don't notice the clarion call of what has become the Voyager Triumphant dance, ex maquis celebration. The doctor plucks Miral from my arms as Kathryn drags me up to join in the exhilarating beat of this dance, pulsing and punching together, until I lift her up and we finish the dance as before, all rushing together, hugging and clapping and cheering. It is an excellent point for us to beat a retreat and leave the kids unsupervised for the last short while.

Soon we are back dancing to a different beat, with more passion and less control in our home, full of love and hope. Tomorrow we will start facing the future, but we have tonight to live without care in our own private world. As I grin down at her, seeing her hair spread across the pillow, arms raised up to bring my face down, and my lips to hers I thank the spirits, as always, for letting me find my place.


	6. Chapter 6 - a plan and a team

Harry Kim

Damn, and he still blushes. He has fallen into swearing, but it isn't really his thing. He still, however, would have preferred not to wake up quite so early. He qualifies this, he still would have preferred not to have been woken up quite so early by an insistant alarm coming from the accommodation computer. Other reasons to wake up early would have been much preferable, Jenny's arms are around him where she has snuggled on falling asleep. 'Cease alarm' he mumbles and turns over to face her, and consider some of those other morning in bed options.

'incorrect code given. correct code required by Commander Chakotay for override' the bland female voice responds.

'Damn' this time he actually says it out loud, and with feeling. Jenny lazily, and clearly reluctantly awake, raises her head and opens her eyes as he sits up and swings his legs out of the bed. 'for gods sake Har, switch the damn thing off and come back to bed' she pouts and then smiles enticingly at him, a morning of lovemaking on her mind too. She is utterly adorable, and he feels both the clutch of love and lust as he looks at her. Now, where did he put a damn PADD. 'Damn' none visible, so he will have to put a robe on and get up.

As he stumbles out of the bedroom in his quest for whatever message is behind the damn noise, he meets Mike doing the same thing, though he is loudly and quickly running through an almighty list of expletives of both terran and bajoran origin quite proficiently. They look at each other and roll eyes, knowing without speaking the likely origin of this disturbance. There is a message flashing on the Comm, and it is a number. 'Cease alarm, chakotay 127 delta' and to their huge relief the damn noise stops immediately. There is a message as well with the code.

' FAO HK, MA: Breakfast 10:00 sharp at CC' . central command, otherwise known as the command teams apartment.'

'Damn'/'Fk' he and Mike shout together. They have fifteen minutes to shower and dress and make themselves presentable. Both have a deep thirst, a marginal headache and a woman they love in a bed waiting for them. They had both anticipated a lazy morning before meandering to the family picnic. Mike makes it to the sonic first, so he replicates coffee and water and an aspirin, drinking them down as quickly as possible. He tells Jenny their lazy morning is off whilst she groans and rolls back to sleep more. Finally he gets in the bathroom to have his sonic and then dresses. Mike and he meet at the doorway and are ready to go, no time to spare, shouting their goodbyes without response. Luckily the CC is next door.

The door opens and their arrival, pre-programmed for their biosig, and they are greeted by the Captain at the dining table, with a stack of PADDs, but also a huge jug of fresh coffee and a plate of pain-aux-chocolat and croissants. Help yourself, she murmurs, as they fall in around the table as if they are in the ready room. They look around wondering who else is coming, but the Captain is beginning, handing each of them a PADD with the next mission on it. He studies it with care, and hears the whistle that escapes from Mike as it sinks in.

'Is this what I think it is?' he asks 'a test?'

Chakotay joins from the kitchen, eating a bowl of muesli, yoghurt and fruit.

The Captain, as she is in full captain mode despite her casual clothing, nods. 'yes, whether a test of you, me, the crew, who knows, we just have to take this, play to our strengths and ace it' . He is unsurprised when she barrels right on with her plan.

'Mike, I would like you to be tactical lead, choose 2 more voyager crew that we can absolutely rely on. We need a mix of the ex maquis and starfleet elements for this mission, you are in the key ex maquis role, I need to know now, can you do it , Mike, can you meeti them with dignity, if necessary fight to defend them, not rise to provocation?' Mike has an odd expression on his face when he tells the Captain that he has learnt from the best, before smiling at her and agreeing. Mike names Rollins and Murphy, both originally starfleet as his first choices to take. they are unflappable, been in a number of hand to hand as well as weapon combat scenarios together with him. They are also command savvy from covering tactical also on the bridge, and understand well the Captain, and her subtle movement clues.

He thinks about this, a good choice, and he can tell from the look that passes between Chakotay and the Captain, that this probably mirrors a private discussion of choice. What he can't understand is why Chakotay isn't part of the detail.

The Captain nods at Mike, 'if you accept, sign the PADD and make the recommendations. I need you to look over all the Chin'toka records, see if you can speak to Professor O'Brien, I believe he is back now from a visit to DS9, I will make the introductions. Also patterns of behaviour, I hope that our starfleet named person has some specific expertise for us and you can use the travel time to fully integrate. This is supposed to be peaceful and low risk, but I need you to work with Chakotay before we leave to determine most likely risks and scenarios, both from disaffected Cardassians, Bajorans, Dorvans and potentially other ex maquis. You will spend at least two hours every evening before we leave reviewing together.'

The Captain turns to him 'Harry, you are going to be my aide for this, we will also have a federation officer and another starfleet officer as the negotiation team, as soon as we know who they are, I need you to obtain all the pertinent information about them. I also need you to look through negotiations to date with all the border worlds, what triggers, key areas of negotiations, what can we expect. We will meet at the same time as Chakotay and Mike do and then we can spend a short while at the end with a key areas update.' He agrees, information sifting is something he is expert in.

Chakotay speaks, 'I am not part of this team. I will travel as far as DS9 where I will be meeting with Kira and will only join Kathryn when the mission is complete, as we will spend a further week with my sister on Trebus, I am available more easily by subspace, but am specifically excluded from this mission.' He listens and gets the subtext, Chakotay might be excluded, but he is going to be close enough should there be an issue. however, there is a question 'but why not on the ship?'

The Captain answers this one. 'the commander is not a dependent of mine, but an independent starfleet officer. He will be either on my team or not there at all, and earning his stripes elsewhere' he can tell she is obdurate, but also angry that her first officer has been excluded, presumably due to their personal relationship and the non-fraternisation rules.

The door opens and Tom, B'E and Miral burst in. Tom shrugs his apology and they make their way to the table. Tom sits next to him, like old times really. He smiles at them both and wonders why they have joined in, apart from their status as senior team. He doesn't wait long to find out, as B'E gets started.

'An upgraded delta flyer in the first iteration can be ready if we have the workforce by wednesday, we have the upgrades for speeds and manoeuverability, energy efficiency upgrades from Marla Gilmore, ablative armour from the admiral and multiadaptive shielding from the hansons. With more time, we will look at the drive itself. weapons additions apart from standard include a tetryon canon prototype, based on the shield reducing tech from the hirogen that they temporarily fitted on voyager before their departure. we have extrapolated the matrix and tested in holodeck, but didn't have the equipment or materials to trial. Similarly the isokinetic cannon. Both of these can be fitted, but considered experimental. It would be useful to have a testing option. We have upgraded the transporter to increase distance, and possible micro shield penetration - which needs further testing.' B'E stops talking to catch her breath. 'We have focused on speed, power and defense predominantly for the delta flyer mark 3. It will comfortably hold 9, but is equipped for life support and ancilliary services for 12' He notes that there will be 10 on this mission. Not quite so comfortable then, but a definite size increase on the original delta flyer.

My god, but he is impressed, although some of these things he has been working on - increased computational power, scanning and comms clarity, increased analysis algorhythms that may pick up cloaked ships more easily using warp residue and harmonics, as well as redesigning a lower energy draw for the multiadaptive shielding, he hadn't been aware of the scale of work. After all they were only given this brief on Friday. When he mentions this, both B'E and the Captain look at him, and he realises that the brief may have only been given on Friday, but B'E has been working on this with Marla since disembarquement.

A classic case of the Captain pre-planning. Just as he was working on real time cloaked ship and anomalous readings detection with Jenny utilising some of the knowledge from the Devore Imperium, as well as increasing targetted comms distance. He then moves on to think that if they have planned this, what have they been planning for Voyager. He thinks harder, and he knows, it is a sleek, fast Borg destroyer. All about guerilla warfare, attack hard and disappear. The Captain may not be pleased with the war-war group in the Admiralty, but that won't stop her making sure that the sector is best protected against further Borg incursions. Our strike will have set back the Borg, who knows how much or for how long, but when they regroup, we will be target number 1.

'Good work Lanna and team' the Captain is happy, 'I am going to ask that either you or Marla and Tom join us with the delta flyer 3 as additional crew members, dependant on Miral'. B'E has an answer, she suggests that she will come with Miral, to continue to upgrade and test on the journey out, but that she will remain on whichever vessel carries them, and because of that, train and work with an appropriate engineer from that vessel to crew the delta flyer. A nod ' Marla can have Seven and Icheb as well as continuing Vorik to work with the engineering team on Voyager's refurb. Vorik may have to be technically lead due to current question over Marla's status, however...' she smiles at us all as she updates messages into the PADD, apparently Admiral Patterson has been her liaison for the ship upgrades, both to Voyager and then a mixture of the upgrades to the 'fleet of the deep' as she calls it. She looks at me, 'very pleased with your comms and analysis upgrades there Harry, will be particularly useful for recon and scientific deep space missions'

They then degenerate into general talking and chatting, he plays with Miral, who he adores, whilst eating croissant before the arrival of Icheb with Quaestor - apparently the name Q Junior has chosen currently - hot and sweating from a morning run. He is surprised when both drop a kiss on the Captain's forehead before she waves them off into the shower. Looking at the other senior crew, they are also surprised by the comfortable familiarity. He laughs and shrugs, and confesses that he hopes the second baby Kathryn is godmother to is less trouble than the first. She grins back.

He stands and leaves, and makes his way back to get ready for the picnic. Megan and Jenny have clearly gone elsewhere, so he comms Jenny who says she will meet him there.

-0-0-0-

Torres

I love how surprised Harry looks by the delta flyer developments. Did he really think I could spend a month not being an engineer? I am proud at how much faith and trust Kathryn has in me, and I have headed nearly a whole scientific research division in this time, making the best use of delta quadrant technology and knowledge. We had a full and frank discussion about the delicate balance of power and yet pushing forward defensive strategies. She, and I, want a return to the peaceful, diplomatic, adventurous and scientific starfleet. Not purely an effective stellar armada. it is 'ex astris, scientia' all the way for her. I want a peaceful world for my daughter to grow up in.

So when Kathryn and I have bat'lethed, chatted over Miral, passed PADD messages, we have also devised a strategic release of delta quadrant goodies. Starting with shielding, defensive technologies and also efficiency upgrades to make our ships smarter, more manoeuverable, do more with less. This is particularly useful for the 'fleet of the deep' and I have had a few meetings with the charmer Captain Jack on useful advances. He is chasing the Suliban, so with my upgrades, I have also seen the Captain has pressed Harry into increasing scanning resolution, background anomalous reading detection with smart systems to identify cloaked ships, and potentially cloaked people. We have knowledge of a number of cloaking technologies, and utilising this knowledge not to create a cloak, but detect one is invaluable in preparation for defence.

The only offensive upgraded capabilities we are releasing are effectively Borg specific. Clever engineers will be able to retro-engineer new and better and more efficient weapons from them, but this will take time and testing. It will not be delivered. Starfleet is determining who they will fit with transphasic torpedoes, or whether they will keep the technology until a Borg threat appears. Oh, and the tetryon cannon, though we both think that this is predominantly defensive, as it disrupts shields, allowing targetting weapons arrays and a standoff.

Eventually we added the isokinetic cannon, as it can target through a shield, though it is low impact, so again, best for use in targetting something specific, such as a weapons array or shield generator rather than a ship destroyer.

I took the weapons modifications and upgrades, with Vorik, Marla took the energy efficiency and manoeuverability upgrades with Nicoletti and Harry and Jenny have worked on comms and cloak cracking - well that is what I have called it. Unofficially, Miles O Brien has been very helpful at sticking points with integrating new technology, and Admiral Patterson has had some of his best engineers from utopia planetia implementing these on Voyager and the whales - their name for the Fleet of the Deep, as well as building a prototype delta 3, which Tom has done some flight testing with the latest Nova Squadron hotshots in between debriefs.

The world and maybe even most of the admirals think we are sequestered, cloistered away from news and interaction and just lazing through debrief. They have no idea what an engineering revolution we have started. Katnryn thinks modesty should be our watchword for now, but we are both aware that if Admiral Patterson gets his way that I am likely to be on a fast track to head up one section of Utopia Planetia if I wish too, with probably a commander rank. I will miss the adrenaline of Voyager, but this will be better for Miral, and there are still test flights and special missions, such as the upcoming one.

We have made a lot of small changes in this last month.


	7. Chapter 7 - a goodbye

Mike Ayala

Here we are at the Voyager family picnic, and I am sharing with my kids and wife. It just reminds me of the old times, pre maquis, pre delta quadrant, when we really were a family. Maria is keen for us to make it that way again, her new husband is great though, and has been a great dad for my boys in the meantime. I think I see my future with Megan, enough to need to be honest with Maria. So, uncomfortable or not, I talked to her with the counsellor on Friday about this, that I was torn between what we had, and the seduction of rewriting time and going back in the past and the start of a new future. However, I am not that man that I once was anymore, I never will be. I am now a soldier for starfleet, bonded in adversity to a different life. A tactition for most with experience and judgement and would like to rise in the organisation to a command position. None of this fits me for a life as it was. The Captain backs me. None of this will give her the husband she would like. She snaps right back that this doesn't give the dad the boys would like either. She is right, but I will try for short missions, maybe some training. I think she understands that the love I have for her is for the mother of my children, someone I did love passionately, and will always love in some form. Seven years though, that is a long time to continue loving. The kids I will always try to do my best by. I will never abandon them. I am theirs always. However, I need to also be true to who I am, help them understand the man that loves them so dearly and yearned for hem over the past seven years still can't put the clock back. Now, I believe that I love Megan. I believe Maria and my kids also love her husband. We can make it work, altogether though different.

The picnic weather is sunny and breezy, it is perfect for a huge meet up in the park. Megan and I greet Maria and the kids before Megan waves as she goes off with some of the girls to chat, sunbathe and watch life go by. Maria takes my arm as I show off the boys to the Captain, who greets us all with hugs as if she hasn't spent the morning with me. We chat to Joe's wife, who Maria got to know well, and mine and his boys take off for a bit. I take Maria to meet the people I knew best on Voyager, the bridge and tactical teams and the ex-maquis, and she gets waved into the girls group at the same time that Gerron drags me to play ball. I see my sons and Joe's are there, and Icheb with Q junior, what did he say his name was again? Kwiester? must be spelled with a Q anyway. A couple of kids I don't really know, and the younger male crew. Harmless fun with a ball, this is what weekends should be about.

I see the doc has got out with his holoimager and I wave to him and Megan before concentrating on the game. I am just going to concentrate on the kids today and sort out my lovelife before I go on this mission with the Captain with a little bit more counselling and a lot more thinking. I run and chase the kids with them showing off their skills. These boys mean everything to me. God, but we are lucky to be back here. I know who I can thank for this, one woman to whom I owe everything. Someone that the kids now call Aunty, part of the wider Voyager family. I look up and see her hugging her nephew and niece and giggling with them. One amazing leader, the old man has been a lucky bastard. I have never seen him so happy.

-0-0-0-

Phoebe Janeway

I have brought us all to the Voyager picnic. I think I have seen more of my sister now she has returned than I did before she left for the delta quadrant. The girls nights have been a scream. Seven and the twins are a hoot, with Sam and Katie failing to control them. B'Elanna is still scary though! We all laugh lots,drink some and then scandalise Katie by repeating all the gossip, rating who is hot or not. Seven has really been sheltered on that ship. Hopefully I am opening her eyes! Reading out the scandal PADDS is an eye opener. My sister and her hunk have been less discreet than Uncle Owen wanted. We loved reading out what they made of Chakotay carrying her over his shoulder up the beach! The tips on best positions in zero G made me blush, and seven screw up her face in concentration. The twins added their commentary, but B'Elanna and Katie were both suspiciously silent. They both went pink when I asked whether holodecks could make a zero G environment. Seven is single currently, and we often try and eye up dates. She dismisses them as unsuitable partners, and I am working hard to convince her to have some fun.

I wave Bill off with the kids after they have been swung around a bit by Katie and Chakotay. They are flanked by Naomi, who says they are voyager cousins. Katie keeps Chakotay's arm tucked in hers as all the Voyager families and pathfinders make their initial start at the picnic by coming up and talking, thanking, updating her and keeping the bonds. In this month I can see she has become more happily Katie, and Chakotay seems more comfortable as well. I also see her Captain side, all these people updating her, she asking questions, keeping tabs. She reminds me of Mom, even if she is planning to be an Admiral like Dad.

As most people have arrived and the picnic blankets go down, Chakotay sits them down, and with a flourish presents her with a tiffin box full of picnic goodies, Icheb and Q junior join them and Bill and I sit next to them, and Bill has a hamper full of foods. The kids see Mom and jump up and down until she joins them and gets to sit on a chair like the queen she is, holding court with us, her family around. There is a twinkle in her eye and a lightness of step that hasn't been there for seven years. We smile at each other, and then start teasing Katie about everything. We admire the tea dress she is wearing, light blue and makes Chakotay's eyes light up, he is in shirt and slacks, carelessly good looking. Apparently, says a passing Tom, these are New Earth style clothes, from the time of their own personal Eden. I can't believe they weren't together, but I know Katie when she is determined. Too starfleet for her own good and too shy in matters of love.

Thinking of love, I admire her openness with this solid piece of gorgeousness. They are clearly devoted. We laugh that they have just one plate, and share food off it. He grins, and says she always eats from his plate, so why have two. We laugh that Icheb and Quaestor are so hungry that they are eyeing up the food that Grams has bought even whilst they are eating a mountain of mixed finger foods. She has loved them staying with her, and has brought their favourites, spicy felafal in pitta breads and the chocolate brownies. She has those boys running after her to earn it though! She is ultimately in command here and don't we know it! Q cools her lemonade and creates for her a self elevating parasol to shade her. It is good to watch. I hope fed news don't catch that!

Best to watch though is Katie. I could watch her, laugh with her and stay by her side indefinitely. Before I know it, the children, my two and her two, are daring us to race to a tree and back to see who is fastest. We slip off our shoes and start to run. I am taller and have a good running stride, but she is more determined. We manage to run to the tree in sensible fashion, but are then dragging on each other and giggling so much that I am not sure we will make it back to the finish, instead clutching each other laughing. Katie then signals and four of her crew run up and then between them carry her back holding a limb each at the double whilst she shouts and curses Chakotay. I sink to the ground laughing and Q transports me back so that I win. There is a huge amount of laughing and cheering. Apparently it was a rescue the captain sign, and although she assumed with chakotay present, he would do the rescuing, he reminds her that there is a rota, since she has been so difficult to manage all these years! Luckily she sees the funny side of being dragged across the park by her limbs, and potentially having the fednews pick it up. Helped, no doubt, by a coffee icecream snapped into existence by her godson. She eats it whilst remonstrating with him for lazy use of powers until he threatens to take it away again.

As Icheb and Q and Naomi take my two to play chase and tag with Ayala and Carey's kids, a gentle version since they are much younger, Katie tells us she has a three week mission. We try hard not to go into panic mode. She says she can comm us regularly, it is perfectly safe, and most of it is traveling time or Trebus with Sekaya since she is so close. I comment how relieved we are that means Chakotay is with her, and she admits that he isn't for all of it, but she will have Mike, Harry and Tom that we know well, and Rollins that we have met a few times now. She reminds us that she is a starfleet officer, that this is part of her life. I can't help but remember her last mission was only supposed to be three weeks, and took seven years. That went from DS9 too. Mom is not looking any happier, but has her resolute face on. She asks us if we can invite Seven for the weekend as well as Icheb, as she is worried that Seven might get lonely. She normally goes to Irene's, but I see that she isn't here today. Instead Seven is with the doctor and Megan. Katie's forthcoming mission has cast a pall, but Bill and Chakotay work to change our mood by ganging up against us, alternating who can tell the most outrageous Janeway story until we are all in peals of laughter. It doesn't stop the worry, but Katie is right, we need to normalise this. I guess after the first mission it will seem less and less worrying when she goes.

-0-0-0-

Sam Wildman

What a wonderful weekend. The afternoon is slowly turning to evening, but I am warm. Since Grek picked me up for the dance last night we have been inseparable. I am feeling as I did when we were newly married. He stayed the night at our accommodation, with Naomi so excited. I think we are ready to be a family again. We are still going to take things slowly. We are going to go home from friday and come back monday morning, and Grek is going to visit for a couple of the evenings. The Voyager homecoming ball, signalling the end of debrief and the renewing of commissions is in a month. I think we will move out of our starfleet accommodation then. I intend to stay in starfleet, but work here on earth. There will be enough Voyager projects to be allocated to one. I hope in my preferred field of exobiology. There is certainly a great deal of data there. However, I am also on the Omega team, having provided my report for this.

Grek has bought wit him a number of K'tarian delicacies, that we know Naomi loves. He is currently playing kadis kot with her, and listening to her stories, laughing and questioning. I never heard him laugh so much before, he always seems serious in my memories. He tells me he was young and serious, but losing me has taught him to enjoy all the time he has now. Seven and the doctor join us, as Grek is happy to consider her a family member. He respects both her seriousness and her intelligence. As the shadows lengthen I have watched our group form and reform in different elements, dancing an interweaving pattern of friendship and family. I have had tal and Billy sit with us, then Megan, then Jenny and Harry before the doctor and Seven joined them. I haven't had the captain, and I see her holding her mother's hand and go across to join them.

Kathryn has a mission, to be expected, and she will be discussing it more during the week. She asks me to work with Phoebe to be her eyes and ears for health and wellbeing. Naomi and Icheb are good at this too. She is quite worried that Seven will be starting to feel lonely, as Tal is moving in with Billy permanently. It is an excellent thing for them, and Kathryn and I think that they are well matched. However, with Seven having this idée fixe about being part of collective, any movement unsettles her, and this coming at the same time that the senior crew goes on a mission without her may be too much. However, we will have Icheb, he will stay in Tals room temporarily, and potentially take Seven to the Janeways for one of the weekends with Phoebe.

In fact, Phoebe returns with me, and invites Seven to the next weekend with her, so that they can go shopping, enjoy some non starfleet time. She tells Seven that she is the fun Janeway! Seven is enchanted, and clearly is going to say yes. I smile over at Kathryn who can relax some more. It is such a shame the triangle she and Seven have had with Chakotay. I hope that it doesn't take too long to untangle, as both Seven and Kathryn are more uncertain in their dealings that they would like. I would suggest couples counselling for them, if it were likely they would attend.

Grek has finished his game and puts his arm around me as Seven takes his place. We are so lucky. He smiles and murmurs his forever love for me and I murmur mine back before we enjoy a gentle kiss. K'tarians aren't given to public displays of affection, so even this is a grand statement. Sitting in his arms as sundown draws closer, watching our daughter happy with friends and my wider voyager family surrounding us with sounds of laughter and views of happiness, things feel perfect. Life is very good to us. He will come back with us again tonight.

-0-0-0-

Janeway

What a wonderful day. A fitting end to our first month in the alpha quadrant. Watching the crew and families finding peace, finding peace with my own family. The upcoming mission changes the pace. It should be safe, but there are always risks in starfleet. Starfleet officers know they risk their life. It is what we do.

I hug Mom goodbye as the sun starts to set. It doesn't get any easier saying goodbye despite our good health and frequent comms. I am all to aware how much worse this has been for her. Quaestor - a name we all approved of, quite appropriate really- escorts her home in his own inimitable manner. Mom thinks that being a Q's god-grandmother is even better than being an admiral's wife for the perks. I try a modicum of grumpiness, stating the Q general unreliability and self-centred-ness, but have to agree that I haven't seen this in Quaestor since he joined us in the alpha quadrant. In fact, he has been a fairly model family member. I must remember to thank him when he returns. Icheb laughs at me for turning soft in all this safety and both of them drop kisses on my forehead as they are both taller than me. I threaten to wear really high heels to get equal, and they laugh as they help take Phoebe and family to their transporter. Chakotay and I stand, the command couple, saying goodbye to everyone, receiving another hug from Harry's mom.

This has been a perfect weekend to end our first month in the alpha quadrant. We have celebrated Voyager, and started the long goodbye, as most of us will not fly her again. We have started wider meetings incorporating our alpha and delta quadrant family. We will continue to meet up, more ad hoc, more informal, and gradually we will all settle into our alpha quadrant lives. The majority of the command team leaving for three weeks, and we will see how things hold together. There are enough threads holding people together when they need to, and freedoms to gradually move apart. They all have possible futures, current small goals, or large ones depending on their abilities and inclinations. I have today confirmed with many of them possible options to consider, some will come into play before I get back, and some are longer options. I am proud of the work we have done, the command team and senior crew. We have quietly, assiduously and without drawing attention to ourselves when already at the centre of the storm settled possible options for all our people, and also in the interim, set in motion quite a serious amount of research building on our delta quadrant experience. I am glad of the mission, because as some of the early work reaches fruition, I will not be noticeably present. My family will be able to take the credit for their excellence.

We sit in the park a while longer, Chakotay and I. We enjoy the tranquility, it feels like the pause, the calm before the oncoming storm. Both of us have enjoyed and made the most of our opportunity for peace. We have firmed our bonds, with each other and with our families. Now we are ready. We ride the waves of change, the storms of the future made current. We are made for each other, soul mates, our secrets are shared and our future decided together. His arms are around me and I am safe, I am ready to really change the future. 'Are you with me?' I murmur, and receive the expected benediction 'forever' . Our kiss is as gentle as the last rays of the sun, as deep as the night sky where Venus twinkles as evenstar, and our love and its work will reverberate down time. We are exactly where we are meant to be.


	8. Chapter 8 - preparation

Chakotay

Once upon a time I would have said that all I ask is a chance to remain in her life. I felt that it was all I needed to be a better man, to be at peace. It was granted and we joined forces on Voyager and I was truly happy. Then I greedily asked the spirits for a chance only to love her and hold her, and I was granted that too, but they were capricious and only gave me exactly what I had asked for, no more. So I loved her and held her on New Earth, for a short while only. We returned to Voyager and the idyll was over. I wasnt happy. I needed more but never pushed for it, never dared wish for it except in the silent recesses of heart and mind. My desire only saw any expression in agonised waits for overdue missions, or bedside vigils in sickbay. No overt declarations or releases. We trapped ourselves in a void.

Deanna has helped me see that I couldn't do it out there. I just couldn't free fall into a relationship that subconsciously I knew was going to be the all defining one. After losing my family I just couldn't risk a huge loss again. I never pushed Kathryn because I too was afraid. I too had unprocessed grief and loss. It was easier to blame her. Easier to walk away to a love I could bear losing. I hate that I used Seven in that way, even if it was subconscious and even if I would have done my best. I had let myself love her because she was expendable.

In the admirals timeline she did of course, die and Kathryn finally admitted the full conversation and how the admiral said things changed. I am not sure she had it right. I believe the grief didn't kill me. What did was that Kathryn 's grief was so much greater, I can picture it and picture my guilt. Kathryn had loved us both so much more than we loved each other. My self deception gave us no possibility of a future, Seven was playing house with no other role model and no experience to warn her. I would have had to admit my catalogue of deception with no counselling and no support. We were still always in danger. Instead I imagine that I spent morose hours brooding and lost myself altogether. Kathryn blamed herself for not keeping Seven safe, never entirely sure it wasn't in part jealousy.

Now, thanks to Kathryn 's extraordinary bravery, which again I nearly sabotaged through fear, we are here. Deanna has enabled us to share our deepest secrets and losses, understand how they affected our decisions and find peace with them. It seems that given who we are, our delta quadrant relationship was probably as brave as we could have got in the circumstances, and those seven years allowed us to be who we are now. It is all that I never dared to wish for. We complete each other. With her by my side I can achieve anything, it feels like the early days of our command relationship again, with added depth. We always loved each other. Holding her, sharing our passion is a revelation. Each kiss brings me a fulfilment beyond wishes and dreams. We are both generous and practiced lovers with a blend of passion and humour, we have a lifetime of exploration of desire and release ahead. Truly I never believed when I was told of couples losing their sense of self, but we do. If all we have is what we have shared it will be enough. I dare to hope and wish for more. I hope for a family.

Having finally created the private space, we now need to re-create our working relationship, achieving our command partnership and balance. The admiralty has given a very clear steer that despite our excellent previous working partnership, we are not permitted to work together. Neither of us knows whether this is purely chain of command or non fraternisation. It is not unexpected. I am, however, unreasonably concerned about her having a mission without me, even if we have picked out most of the team. They know Kathryn 's objectives - wow star fleet, ace the test, and they know mine - bring her back at all costs. We will quietly demonstrate our competence jointly and severally. We are ready to out starfleet starfleet with delta quadrant Maverick as our back up.

So we are nearly ready to go. I am reassured that it is the Enterprise that will act as our ship, with Captain Picard. Surprised too. The additional officer will be Deanna for the diplomacy and a couple of security are currently working with Ayala planning for all eventualities. We have set up a voyager in touch system as recommended by assorted counsellors who think it will help resettlement. That is the visible.

In the less visible, I have been manoeuvring Voyager personnel. Some will come with me to DS9 to consider positions in security and engineering. They will be welcome, as all ex Voyagers. It does include 2 Equinox crew, Gilmore and Lessing. Star fleet are undecided as to whether they will be dishonourably discharged, but they won't face a court martial. However, if they can find a suitable placement, Kathryn thinks they will maybe just have a demerit and be probationary. The choices seem a deep space station or a deep space vessel. Neither really want the latter. The station is jointly managed, so if they do well they may even keep a posting if discharged if Kira Nerys approves. It is her that I am visiting, predominantly. She will like some Voyager ingenuity and Kathryn intrigues her. Making alliances against the day.

In the meantime I soldier through the debrief. Clearly stating over and over again we only had a professional relationship in the delta quadrant. There is no evidence of anything else because it didn't exist. Yes, many of the crew were hopeful because they wanted our happiness, and we had permitted crew fraternisation. No, it couldn't work in command, or we couldn't risk it where there was no back up. I can't answer for now and here, depends on roles, missions and chain of command. Yes I entirely accept not being an active part of the next mission. On and on and on they go. We did Equinox, demonstrating that neither our professional or non acted upon private relationship did actually impede me from professionally delivering as first officer. Apparently that gives me a commendation.

I am relieved that we will be leaving shortly, and at the end we will both visit my sister. I am desperately in need of a little freedom and less dissection. I am a man of action.

-0-0-0-

Unknown

So they will send out their hero to us. We are not cozened by a hero's gloss. We will see just how heroic they are. A little bit of testing of mettle. There are pockets of agitators. It just needs the right few words. Come and test yourself, hero. Come

-0-0-0-

Seven

She is leaving me. I try to adjust by regarding it as an away mission not a separation. She is leaving and didn't find a position for me. , didn't need me. I am superfluous. He is leaving too, despite promising to always be within transporter distance. I am not being abandoned. She came and talked, about the mission, about the wider politics in star fleet and the federation currently. I realised that this is important too. She explained that instead of captaining voyager, she was trying to steer safely all her crew in choppy waters, and trying to control the weather blowing wind in our sails. Her naval metaphors could do with some work, but I understood. She thinks that by the Voyager homecoming ball in a month, it should be clearer where my choices lie. Currently, I need to be on earth, safe in my collective and demonstrating my worth. This is why I am not part of this team. My value is in the work I do here, in the teams I am building and the enthusiasm of the alpha quadrant star fleet personnel I coopt. I am becoming important as an individual.

Sam and I are her remaining senior team and she will rely heavily on us to see the patterns whilst she is away to advise her. Most crew members have clear options ahead, and she gives me a PADD with these, annotated with her personal views and preferences, discrete and based on crew evaluation. If I look I might see the pattern, she advises me not to look clearly. She asks that I work with Vorik and Nicoletti to overview some of the Voyager improvements as test ship if they ask for assistance. She reminds me strongly to avoid offensive weaponry. I must be seen as peaceful and efficient, not as an adjunct to war or assimilation.

She asks me to personally keep an oversight of Icheb and the doctor and Naomi, where possible. She also asks that I spend time with her family. She anticipates receiving cautious comms from me, and suggests Admiral Paris as my emergency contact in all cases.

Although I am proud in the faith she has in me, and the central role I am given, I still feel like a child left home alone for the first time. I am glad that there are still many around me. Both Megan and Jenny will be alone too. She suggests I may wish to increase our friendship.

She is leaving me. I must think of it as an away mission not a separation. When she returns, I must renegotiate our parameters.

-0-0-0-

Deanna Troi

Having worked with the command couple to place their relationship on a solid footing, for the first time I can see the harm that can come from the fraternisation policy in extreme circumstances. I also see the harm not having a counsellor has done. I have tabled this with the academy that counselling should be a command track course, and therefore there would at least be more people with the basic first aid of counselling skills.

It has also made me reflect further on my own personal circumstances. I return to the enterprise tonight and it is time for Will and I to have a serious conversation...

-/-/-

Jean Luc is clearly intrigued by the command team. Intrigued and perhaps slightly jealous of all that Voyager has achieved. Not that he would admit that, even to himself. The Captain's table discussion tonight is dominated by Voyager and its command team. Will has met Kathryn before, Jean Luc predominantly remembers her father, and has only met her in polite company. He recalls Tom Paris with little positivity. He is unconvinced by his reclamation. No-one recalls Chakotay, though Will is sympathetic to the maquis. Jean Luc is particularly taciturn on the subject. He still feels he abandoned Dorvan to its fate and is uncomfortable about meeting someone whose life was critically wounded by those decisions. He is also surprisingly antagonistic to the command relationship, disbelieving that it only started on the return. I have to admit to not being able to discuss most of this. However, I think that the command team will blow all this negativity out of an airlock. Resistance is futile when they start the charm offensive.

Only small stories have filtered out from star fleet during the debrief. The victory over the Borg, something about the loss of the Equinox, The Klingon empire has been informed that a splinter group has safely settled in the delta quadrant and we all know of the Ferengi. Jean Luc is particularly outraged for some time, expounding on their worthless devotion to profit above all else. He has always struggled to have patience with the Ferengi, and still remembers the wormhole negotiations when the Ferengi got trapped in the delta quadrant. In fact these very Ferengi! He is angry that on their return, abandoning Voyager, they didn't try and contact anyone in star fleet, and is outraged by Reg's story of them nearly killing all of the crew just to harvest Seven's nanoprobes. He sees no redeeming qualities in the Ferengi. None at all.

Geordi is effervescent in his enthusiasm. Voyager has returned with an overwhelming number of technological developments. It seems that the combination of Torres and Janeway, both ingeniously brilliant in different ways and the the Borg allowed a melting pot of technology and ideas that spilled out into an explosion of adaptions and inventions. Adding Gilmore fine tuned much of what was done. Geordi is clearly planning to monopolise Torres whilst she is on board. I notice Jean Luc doesn't share this enthusiasm and instead cautions the many times Voyager has been pushed to its limits. He doesn't want a damn Borg hibrid ship. Add Borg to Ferengi for lack of redeeming qualities. Geordi loses most of us as he expounds the advantages of the bio neural circuitry. Only Data shows real interest.

Even Beverley has her view. I think she is also interested in the command team's dynamics, and their humanity. This is a touchy subject, but steered the conversation to Icheb, Janeway's adopted Borg son. A frown dresses Jean Luc's face. Icheb is working with Wesley, as is some genius ensign who hid away on Voyager. Apparently temporal mechanics are never going to be the same after they complete their work. He says Icheb is 'an unique mind, utilised uniquely' able to bridge concept and utilisation. With Harrans mathematical skills and Wesley's singular experiences added, they are close to a unifying theory with practical applications. Ichebs best friend, a Q! Also periodically adds an insight. Apparently he is Janeway's godson.

At that, Jean Luc has had enough. 'Dammit! Did she just take a hand picked crew of genius with her? How did all these extraordinary people achieving impossible wonders come to be on one ship? And Q!...' At this, he loses all rational words. I pass him some earl grey tea to calm down.

Will ruins my attempt to stop tempers flaring by commenting that Janeway beat the Borg with coffee, apparently.

Dinner being now most definitely over, I ask Will to escort me to my quarters. I might be a decade or more late, but they were seven years. It is worth some personal exposure to see if we, too, can be happy. We both know that we can.

-0-0-0-

Admiral Nechayev

As the Admiral currently overseeing this mission, I expected nothing less than excellence from Janeway. I have reviewed quietly the variety of work and research her crew have been 'helping' with since the return, so that they can 'feel useful during debrief and start to integrate.' Very clever. I am not sure I have Captured it all, as it is spread across 6 different admiralty teams and I am sure there are additional side projects. I am impressed. It is already creating a better star fleet. The buzz surrounding the projects, mostly efficiency, defensive or comms based has our brightest falling over themselves to be part of a team. Even the more martial admirals are delighted with the research in their name. Patterson couldn't be more proud. I see that it is carefully chosen so it doesn't overtly improve any aggressive warlike tendencies. It shouldn't give our non federation neighbours cause for concern.

So, when she asks, I agree a promotion for Harry Kim to full lieutenant. It will be ratified with every other promotion in one big ceremony, but we call it a field promotion currently. We call him in, and the pride in his eyes as he looks at his captain is something to reaffirm faith. Her pride, as well as the apology for waiting so long is truthful. There has been honesty across the senior team. It is how voyager not only survived, but thrived.

Dismissed.

This is the easy part.

-0-0-0-

Notes

 _I guess that this is nearly a cross over with TNG. We are now ready to go from introspection to action! About time, I guess. I've not written action before, so fingers crossed_!


	9. Chapter 9 - on the Enterprise

Action

-0-0-0-

Janeway

Last night we made love with a depth and passion that surpassed all our expectations. It is something of a cliche to think you have touched the stars, or the soul of your partner, yet we have and do. This was our last evening and night to be truly us. We will be the command team on display for most of the next fortnight whether together or apart. We will guard our private tenderness, but display our public complementary command personae. It is time to welcome back Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, though I think they may never have left. They just stepped back slightly.

I think opening our minds and hearts with counselling has truly completed us a couple. Imzadi as Deanna would say. Also there is poignancy of moving from this period of introspection, which has been an extended honeymoon for us, back into action. We are people of action, and both feel the thrill of the upcoming chance to get back out in the world. So our lovemaking also reflected the end of our long courtship and movement into what we are, a fully developed working couple.

We have separate missions ahead, but identical goals. I am refreshed, enthused and desperate for action, even without so much caffeine to hype me, in fact the doctor has suggested I restrict caffeine as much as possible. Look out alpha quadrant! I have that flutter of excitement and nerves, yes exhilaration. I feel fully alive and energised.

We have a last word for Icheb, saying goodbye to my son, admonishing him to keep out of trouble, a last hug. Then we go and meet Harry, Mike, Tom and B'E all in the new dull grey uniforms. They will take some getting used to! Miral has a matching grey sling and is with Tom. We all pick up our duffle bags and fall in line. Rollins and Murphy will meet us at the transporter for beam up to the Enterprise and Gilmore and Lessing will also embark without fanfare. We look good, practical experienced officers. Harry wears his new pip with pride! Let's do this!

Admirals Nechayev and Paris meet us at the transporter, with Alynna looking slightly askance at the sleeping Miral addition to Tom's uniform. However, we are dressed to regulation, not a hair out of place, and snap to attention like the best of them. Upholding star fleet principals, diplomacy and tact, shining example, looking forwards not back, yes got it. I throw Owen a very direct look before we leave. I have not forgotten but I can forgive. We are all here to make the future.

I am sure that I am not the only one to take a breath of relief as the transporter catches us and deposits us onto the Enterprise. I have always wanted to see the flagship of the fleet, and meet Picard properly. I think we have a lot to talk about, even if he is another tea man. Deanna has also intimated that he is waiting on meeting us before he formulates an opinion. We also need his trust and good opinion. He is a leader in his own right, despite persistently turning down admiralty.

'welcome to the Enterprise Captain Janeway. I am Captain Picard and this is my First Officer Commander Riker' he shakes my hand as does Will and I nod to both of them. ' Chief Engineer Geordi le forge and Ships counsellor seconded to your diplomatic brief, Deanna Troi. I believe you are acquainted.' more hand shaking, though with a slight smile.

'This is my First Officer, Commander Chakotay, who will disembark at DS9 and travelling with him Ensigns Lessing and Gilmore. Also to complete the delta flyer 3 trials, my Chief Engineer, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres Paris and my Chief Pilot and acting third in command Lieutenant Tom Torres Paris with daughter Miral. My acting security chief, and head of my tactical support Lieutenant Mike Ayala with Ensigns Rollins and Murphy. My Aide and Comms Officer Lieutenant Harry Kim' the introductions leave me exhausted! Well, we all know who we are and we have been appropriately welcomed. Their security ensigns Johnson, human male, and Rala, Andorian female are also introduced as part of our diplomatic security detail.

The joy of feeling a thrum of an engine, a well aligned warp core, the reconditioned air of a starship. It might not be my ship, it isn't Voyager, but it is federation and I am again in space. I cannot help it but my heart lightens and a smile slips into my face and I straighten into command mode. I have missed this.

Their security ensigns take Mike and his team to a briefing room, another ensign takes Chakotay and Lessing to their quarters and show them the ship. I hope Chakotay and I have shared quarters and are not sneaking around. Geordi takes Tom, 'Lanna and Gilmore, and of course Miral to first their quarters and then the shuttle bay where the prototype delta flyer 3 resides. The Captain escorts Harry and I straight to his briefing room to make small talk whilst awaiting the federation envoy. I am pleased that we all have commbadges patched into enterprise. I would have preferred Chakatoy present for the brief, but we had presumed otherwise.

We are here and all set, time to deliver. It is not difficult to muster a dazzling smile as I turn to Jean Luc, who hands me a black coffee. I have looked forwards to meeting him. It is an honour for a lowly Captain to be escorted by the flagship, and I say as much. Despite himself, he nearly gives me a real grin back, and it starts. We both know that we will be firm friends before this mission is completed. There is a relaxation. Not for Harry, his starfleet ramrod is well and truly in action.

-0-0-0-

Picard

The introductions were all very formal, very acceptably starfleet, so her devastatingly honest smile in the ready room as she announced that she feels it is an honour to meet me and be escorted by the Enterprise completely mollifies me. I expected to slightly disapprove, a barely constrained Maverick in a slightly disreputable relationship with her first officer. However, I see honesty, humour and passion in her eyes. I see a friend. A fellow starfleet captain, correct in all the ways that matter. I have been captured in a heartbeat and nearly answer with the same honesty. I see from the smirks barely hidden in Will and Deanna that I am rumbled, that they had always known. I see from the impassive face of Lt Kim at her shoulder that he expects her to carry the day. He has seen this with formidable enemies, and after all we are colleagues. Heaven help us all, but I know that I have just met a weapon.

So she looks at me with her half smile and stands close. 'Captain Picard' she murmurs in her raspy voice 'you must have questions? We met some' and she pauses for effect before beaming in my direction ' rather old friends of yours, we could swap stories to get acquainted.' I give up the pretence of standoffish disinterest and suggest we sit informally and get to know each other properly, ' and call me Jean Luc when we are informal' this is greeted by another smile and her eyes dance. I realise that I want to make her happy. She extends her hand to me again and says 'Kathryn' .

Before I know it, we are spellbound by her humour and her grand storytelling style. I even give a wry shout of laughter at Q's attempt at courting, at least that is one thing I never had to put up with. It does give me pause for thought as the Q I met was very derogatory about humans and hardly likely to seek one as a mate or godmother to his child. She has even been to the Q continuum. I confess that I am disappointed when we are called to say the Federation councillor is ready to board. I depart to the transporter room to greet Councillor Rovek, a well practiced Vulcan statesman.

Unsurprisingly, Janeway greets him impeccably and it is not long before she imparts that she has the fortune to have a Vulcan best friend, who also acted as her moral compass and mentor. Councillor Rovek notes the continued presence of Vorik in her team and hopes Tuvok returns to good health shortly. Niceties complete the table gets down to business.

Janeway and Rovek get straight to it. Janeway wants complete clarity on where the expectations lie, she and Kim have all their information and want to explicitly confirm the bigger picture. Although charm itself, she is completely clear of this need. For a Vulcan, Rovek looks uncomfortable. I watch Janeway reassess and then change tack, discussing her strategies and potentially anticipated counter strategies in statistical priority. Occasionally Kim feeds her a fact or counter supposition. They are well rehearsed. Rovek is relaxing, clearly happier with this strategy and information garnering. Another observer might be impressed at the sheer volume of preparation achieved in under a week. I am unsurprised.

After two hours we break and I suggest we all go to ten forwards, and join her other crew members and my overwhelmingly interested senior crew. A light buffet lunch and refreshments are available. I watch Janeway nod slightly to Kim, who asks to escort Rovek, and I overhear a discourse on Vulcan music. Since none of us knew which Councillor would be chosen, I am impressed that they already know Rovek's passion for music. Kathryn is waiting for me to escort her, leaving Will and Deanna to follow.

As we reach ten forward our ears are assailed with a cacophony of sound, which only increases at our appearance. I wince and hold up a hand, but it takes Will's assistance to quieten the room. I am somewhat terse as I introduce Captain Janeway, I need no display to know that her crew would obey her instantly, whatever the command. I am not such a people person. she places her hand on my arms in thanks. Deanna warned that she was tactile. Somehow from her it doesn't seem an invasion of my personal space, but a sharing of hers. She is disarming. I wonder if this technique works on Cardassians, whether it worked in the alpha quadrant.

I see how she meets and greets all crew the same, being interested in them all regardless of rank or position. Lessing comes across to her with a plate of easy to eat food without an obvious request. Her crew clearly place her needs first. Kim has done the same for the councillor. Her crew are all surrounded, importuned by my crew in adulation at starfleet heroes. I notice they also have buffet food at their sides despite not leaving their respective places, I finally notice her first officer and Lessing have taken this responsibility, as they now provide the same office to my senior crew willingly.

When commander Chakotay brings me a mixed plate I am unsurprised to see it contains the choices I would have made. I request that he stops with me, to make polite conversation and understand better the command team dynamics. I then see one of the tactics officers instead providing waiter service. Chakotay smiles at my question regarding food, and he explains that the captain and chief engineer would have rarely eaten in seven years otherwise. a talaxian named neelix had always led delivery of sustenance to busy personnel, particularly in red alerts or diplomatic missions such that it has become ingrained behaviour. Without neelix it returned to his role as first officer when free. I had expected there to be an edge to our conversation, as I am all too aware of my role in the disastrous management of Dorvan. However, he is impeccably courteous in his manners. I get no sense of the man behind the uniform, only that he never lets his back be turned to his captain.

The baby cries, I really don't appreciate children in command spaces, I see Janeway take note, catch my eye and cast me an apologetic smile across the room. she makes a small signal and all, every single one, of her crew are seen to politely break free of their conversations and join to stand behind her. I notice her first officer appear out of nowhere to join behind her left shoulder. I hadn't notice him leave my side. Suddenly, in business mode despite the lusty wails of the child being passed from the pilot to the engineer, they are formidable.

my crew fall silent, and she addresses us all, an extemporaneous performance crediting us as a team they have all wished to meet, valiant, intuitive and frequently thrown to the forefront of encounters and emergencies. She heaps praise on us before, with a self deprecating smile, admitting to pleasure in the knowledge that we are keen to meet them, swap stories, and thank goodness they have some far fetched tales to tell too. By the time she draws to a close, the baby has been discretely fed, my crew are eating out of her hands, and she has shepherded her team and my relevant team plus a few senior staff to the tables I had originally planned to use. I see my crew, without request, bringing appropriate drinks to each guest and clearing empty plates. Kim still waits on the councillor to his obvious pleasure.

When Janeway is sat, her first officer sits on one side, the other side is clearly for me. She is the queen holding court, and even on my ship the world is turning at her command. Her tentative smile brings me over. My god! What an unexpected captain. I am slightly jealous of her populist touch with my crew, but her gentle conversation reminds me that she is not here as a competitor. We are a team, a very experienced one. She has just ensured, I believe, that my crew will follow her. I look at her again, I will follow her once she inevitably becomes admiral. I am not surprised she returned victorious from the delta quadrant. No! Instead I am surprised that it wasn't with a new federation as her allies!

I cannot help but notice how much Beverley is being charmed by commander Chakotay. Perhaps I have a hint of jealousy at his easy manner and blasted dimples. Even the tattoo looks dignified. That Geordi is sitting next to The engineer Torres Paris and is clearly enthusiastic about the project is no surprise. Our enterprise is likely to see some realigning. Hmmm. Well, the flagship can't be outclassed by a mere small fry. I hear the deep mission ships are all having upgrades too.

Time is moving on. I organise the teams to reconvene and after a brief word with Janeway her crew divides. This time Tom Paris , I am going to struggle with t-p for both, joins the commander, and I release my own first officer to join them and show them the bridge. I nod to him that Paris can be allowed the helm if appropriate. It is unusual to have so much doubling of senior crew.

Nursing a cup of early grey, I watch Janeway and Kim dance around the paired diplomatic mission with Rovek. I know Deanna appears periodically interested in the dynamics. Her role is predominantly to pick up on emotions. We have three days of travelling until we reach DS9. I relax.

-0-0-0-

Kim

it has been a long day. Thrilled as I am to be part of this mission, on the enterprise and also the Captains aide I am exhausted. I escort Rovek back to his quarters and then go to the Captain's assigned quarters. They are luxurious. I am the last to arrive, but we have what looks like a senior team with Ayala subbing for Tuvok, just neelix and seven are missing.

'Report' the captain bites out. It has been a long day and if we have been on show, it is particularly so for her. I have noticed both Rovek and captain Picard observing everything.

Mike answers first ' preparations for a variety of scenarios. Both enterprise additions are capable for hand to hand, small arms, protection and stealth. Not independent thinkers, slow to spot trouble in holo-sims but quick on direction.' The captain nods. Chakotay interjects 'and ours?' 'Rollins and Murphy fully briefed and at tactical peak.' The captain suggests a holo-sim with the diplomatic team might be useful' a quick run through of a variety of available scenarios and she chooses two. 'I will be armed' she states, looking at Ayala and Chakotay to assess agreement. Chakotay nods and leans back. Ayala is nervous, looking between the command couple. 'Rovek and the lead other negotiator are our prime defensive targets' she insists. Chakotay sits forward. 'If I need help I will ask', further insistence on her part. Mike agrees all code words are noted.

The captain looks towards B'E. 'Delta 3 fit for a trial tomorrow. All modifications made as planned' the captain looks enquiringly and B'E nods again. 'Tom is briefed on all the flight controls, and Mike and yourself should have an acclimatisation walk through and key to your voice commands. Basic parameters don't require voice activation keys.' The captain looks at me. Schedule this and the security drill in for us tomorrow, the latter with the diplomatic brief invited. Notify Jean Luc for permissions.' She then throws a dazzling smile at B'E 'thankyou' .

'Chakotay? Ready to babysit?' She taps his arm as she smiles at him. We definitely could be back on voyager, And he even gives a wry grin 'good to have a function captain' . She looks quizzically, clearly worried that his role of first officer is bypassed in this scenario 'Ok, the enterprise. Report' and Chakotay has a detailed brief from rikers tour and bridge inspection. Experienced, ready, skilled team as expected' she nods and looks quizzically at B'E ' yes, geordi is very keen that marla and I review enterprise with him. If you have a moment, maybe you can join me in a Jeffries tube with a hyperspanner if diplomacy loses its gloss' the captain quirks a grin, 'don't tempt me!' She makes that wave she does with her hand when deciding options.

she looks at me for the next report and I give a brief overview of Rovek, straightforwards Vulcan with no overt partisan leanings. He appears satisfied with our preparations. Giving nothing away as to federation objectives other than those stated. Mission wise, no other external risks identified. Suggest B'E grabs a chance to talk to O'Brien on DS9 about his time at Chin'toka, unlikely anything not documented, but worth a review.

the captain is pleased. She still isn't entirely sure why this mission and now, but reiterates our rules, starfleet all the way, building peaceful futures and ignore all provocation but report it to her, sign at time. Look for trouble, protect all envoys, trust her but give her any additional Intel however insignificant. She pinches the bridge of her nose, suggesting a headache, and smiles again. Dismissed until we meet 09:00 for a working breakfast for whole team at ten forward. Mingle but for heavens sake be discrete. She eyes Tom and I particularly when she says to particularly not rise to gossip or defend voyagers honour. We nod. She never lets us forget.

We file out leaving the cc together. I talk with Tom a while, but they need to settle Miral so I return to the quarters. Mike and I are sharing, though separate bedrooms, one lounge and one head. He is talking to Megan as I get in. I try to be quiet but he calls me over as Jen is there too for me. Nothing much for us to say, but good to hear her voice. I miss her already.


	10. Chapter 10 - love and hate

_Had hoped to post this yesterday as a voyager anniversary chapter but work and family crisis meant I missed it! Posting from phone. Has a homage to Laura W as the first fanfiction author I favourited - with her permission. Enjoy!_

 _-0-0-0-0-_

Janeway

'time is oh seven hundred, time is oh seven hundred'

'computer cease alarm'

blissful silence, snuggle into Chakotay, also alerted by the arm and nuzzling the back of her neck. Revel in the thrum of well maintained warp engines and the streak of stars. Give thanks.

'kathryn', spoken through hair as lips nuzzle neck and then move to clavicle.

'mmm mmm' wriggle again, press against his morning hello, hear his breath catch again. Smile and press more firmly, an invitation. 'Just an exercise thing, with the girls'

A moan, 'exercise thing? Spirits, stop, you would tempt the dead' hands on her hips to stop the wriggling backfires as she is in just *that* position, and she knows it.

A huffed laugh ' 45 minutes' and a gentle move to complete fully his embrace. Mutual sigh. A significant reduction in conversation. An increase in pulse and respiration rates. Satisfaction.

-/-/-/-

he has a light breakfast waiting for her as she comes out of the sonic shower, dance clothes on. Still making her burdens lighter, tho has not renewed or made any other promises. Small frown. It's not that she needs to define parameters any more, but she 'isn't getting any younger' and she feels that they have courted for seven years, seen each other's worst, know the daemons and yet are still here. It would be nice to, assure permanence either officially or unofficially.

She still hasn't had her boosters renewed, and hasn't done any counting. After all, that not young thing. The doctor would have said on Friday, wouldn't he? Not counting, really not counting. Hmm, she isn't sure that the post return voyager high was the right time to make such a major decision and is now caught between running scared and boostering up and hoping it is too late. Something she and Chakotay need to discuss, when they discuss what *this* is. And currently, she is content. She has Icheb as her son, a joy greater than she thought possible. She has her family. No, not counting. She, captain Kathryn Janeway is running scared from a decision again.

He brings her back to the present, 'That kind of exercise? Jean Luc aware?' He notices her outfit and she sees the lascivious glint in his eye, so she throws him a saucy smile as she kisses the top of his head. 'Work hard, be there for the fighting display.' She feels his eyes still roaming her body.

'wouldn't miss it' he grins as he responds. It is clear that there is going to be a surprise that she is a fighter. As if the delta quadrant could have been forgiving enough for anything else.

-/-/-/-

'come on' she exhorts Beverley and Deanna. 'Lanna has joined them 'it will be fun' best ingenue look. A grin flies her way from all three.

'Will told me that your dance style is outrageous'

she doesn't even blush, but grins happily and places a hand on hip, command style. 'So? Are you up for it? Maximum warp!'

Beverley is a fairly accomplished dancer, and has tried a few of these moves before. Deanna is imagining Will when they join a voyager crew party. These are already legendary on the strength of two!

The hour flies past before the women split up to shower and return in uniform to the mess hall for a group breakfast. All four have laughed solidly and bonded easily. She is happy that 'Lanna can laugh without prickles these days. It is good for both of them to increase their circle of friends outside Voyager. Friends and confidantes. It will be good to share laughter and teasing and rebuild networks of support. She is glad 'Lanna is happy to be part of this. Although younger, and temporarily very much more junior, she holds her own.

-/-/-/-

a smirk to Chakotay before joining Jean Luc as a courtesy. He appreciates her preference for a French breakfast, even if he does not join her. He escorts Rovek and dismisses the ever attentive Harry. She finds herself surrounded by enthusiastic engineers this time, and is happy to talk and listen to tech talk. In fact, by the time Geordi has joined them, she has half promised to go with two when free to review some relays that repeatedly burn out and see if she can figure out the issue. He laughs, but is soon attentive as she expounds on maximising dilithium ratios and efficiencies, which allowed them to eke out reserves and nearly do away with the grey running that was such a feature of the first two years.

as Jean Luc calls them to their meetings, far too soon it seems! She moves to tuck in with Rovek. Time for the personal touch. Carefully does it Janeway! This isn't Tuvok! After the first 90 mins Jean Luc says they will be joining the tactical team for emergency drill. She loves the Vulcan eyebrow, so reminiscent of Tuvok, as Rovek queries the requirement. Jean Luc states that it will be sixty minutes, and aims to familiarise the diplomatic and security teams, identifying possible weakness and building trust. Rovek remains unconvinced, as this isn't planned to be a dangerous mission.

She walks with him and demonstrates her homework, thanks to Harry, by pointing out his visit to the Trill home world had also not been thought contentious. He turns and for the first time really looks at her. She can sense that he is looking past the hero status that he feels is lucky rather than deserved, that he is logically adding up the behaviours and skills of the team she has brought with her. He is adding in her discussions of yesterday. He nods at her and they continue. She hadn't expected that this would make the breakthrough, she had thought she might need to work harder for it. Now, she hopes, they might really get down to what this embassy is really all about.

they arrive at the meeting room and Rovek dismisses Picard and Riker instantly. He muses over Deanna and Kim before dismissing both. When they are gone, she joins him at the table and waits patiently. She is not disappointed, and does well with her trained responses to minimise overt tells of surprise. She wonders when they would have told her. At least she has some forewarning. The bastards.

It is only as they are walking to the holodeck she thinks to wonder how he knows, how much he knows and who else knows. Damn, after all these years it has still thrown her. The stakes are raised.

-0-0-0-

Ayala

i hope to god our security training goes well. We have the diplomats with us as well as our captain. Watching is Chakotay, who needs to be satisfied. He has very directly told me the honour of Voyager is on my shoulders and then, after a pause, that I hold his life in my care in the person of the Captain. I don't need this information, it isn't just him that needs her health and well being, and we are both equally aware of her habit of throwing herself into danger, risking her life for others. She has done it over and over again. If Chakotay and Tuvok couldn't control this, I am unsure how I can. Sh1t!

They are all ready, Rollins and Murphy as well as Johnson and Rala. We have increased our security detail by one, though in the sims we vary whic teams used as plan to leave one with Tom in the delta flyer. I am not sure why we don't just beam down. Shuttles have always been a Voyager weakness. I take a breath and roll out with the security team to the holodeck. We are practiced, we have chain of command and we have designated dignitaries.

We get there and are introduced to councillor Rovek. The name is chiming somewhere. I wish Tuvok was around to ask. I am assigned predominantly to Rovek. Sh1t, what is it. We start through basic scenarios, potshots from crowd, terrorists and suicide squads to more organised militia. As the scenarios get more complex, testing us, the captain takes on a larger role, defending the cardassian dignitaries as planned. Kim and I guard Rovek, one for Deanna and 2 for Kathryn and cardassians.

We have practiced these scenarios so much that even I don't blink at protecting and possibly dying for cardies. I can see growing approval from Picard, Riker and Chakotay. Relief! The captain has not been too crazy either. There are murmurings of approval for her shooting and hand to hand skills. If only there was an excuse for a bat'leth scenario.

Rovek asks if he can't place the likely faces of the cardassians delegation for the next scenario. I note our captain tenses, and Picard is surprised, he is unaware of their delegation names. 'Just so' says Rovek. The new faces mean nothing to me, but even a blind man can see there is a point to this as Deanna steps forwards. Our captain has her best mask on, so I know there is trouble, and looking to Chakotay, he is smiling in they way of deadly maquis before a strike, he has eyes only for our captain. The captain tells us to 'do it' short and clipped, under control with her hands on her hips and chin jutting. Seven years tells me this is a bad sign, and for the next thirty minutes she protects the lead cardassian over and over again without considering her safety until Rovek calls a halt.

'Enough' he says, and bows to our captain. 'It is enough, I will rest today an rejoin you tomorrow.' She nods in return, bent partly over catching her breath, as are we all. The last scenario was a particularly tough work out with one of the delegation being traitor and taking a hostage. She doesn't even raise her head as he leaves. She misses seeing that he is impressed, that the Enterprise staff are also impressed with her level of skill in hand to hand combat and marksmanship. I will let the rumour begin that she was unbearable at Velocity. I am sure Picard will bite.

our captain also says she requires a freshen up, and asks to reconvene in two hours to take the delta 3 through its paces. She individually thanks us all for our tactical skills, Johnson and Rala have never had the touchy treatment, so are captivated. We will regroup later, but I am going to follow a hunch with Rovek. He did not help in any of the scenario us, but his positioning and following direction betrayed a military precision. If I had thrown him a phaser, it would have been caught and used.

on the plus side, the team did well. I have done well. We turn as one and aim for the mess hall. We are ravenous!

-0-0-0-

janeway

i race us back to our quarters, Chakotay keeps up but looks concerned. I didn't allow any discussion in the holodeck, just made sure I looked winded enough that my lack of conversation could be taken for lack of stamina. As if! We enter our quarters and immediately rest myself in chakotay's arms. He guessed.

'the bastards, how could they, and Owen! I could punch the bastard for not even warning you. It was the Gul wasn't it. What if You had never told and we're here with no one to support you.' I put my fingers over his lips and move us to sit on a couch. Chakotay can't have known that the Gul was my former captor in a different life, unless I gave it away. I had tried so hard not to. 'They gave me Deanna, Chakotay. At least I think we have the real reason they didn't want you on the team' I know that separately we are both imagining Chakotay's vengeance.

'Rovek told me this morning, so at least I was partially prepared. I'm not sure Owen knew, but since I don't know who knows what from the al- batani days. Rovek certainly did.' I carry on taking deep meditative breaths. It is a shock, a huge shock. At least i have done a lot of work on this incident, most recently with Deanna. I can't see that he will want to talk about it. I need to practice the line of leaving the past in the past. What are they? Hmmm 'regrettable incidents' that's the phrase.

all the while Chakotay is holding me in silence and stroking. As I look at him, he checks that I will be Ok with him on DS9. He feels very uncomfortable about leaving me alone. I huff a laugh 'oh, Chakotay, you should know that I am never alone!' And he smiles at my attempt at a joke.

'and you, Chakotay, can you still do this' I see anger as well as tenderness in his eyes. He is slow to answer, but when he does I know that it is the truth. 'I have no choice but to trust you Kathryn. If you are strong enough, then I am too. I have to be strong enough to set all of the cardassian atrocities behind me, and be able to face the future.' I nod, a best possible answer.

'we probably should brief at least Ayala, not the whole event, but enough that there are no surprises.' He agrees but adds Harry's name. I am not sure I can bear to let Harry know. In my head he is still the innocent green ensign of our journey's start. Chakotay is persistent. He is also right.

My third sonic shower of the day and he replicates vegetable bouillon and crusty bread for us,which we eat in silent contemplation. He is unsurprised when I ask him just to hold me and tell me a story. Something that I can hold to when he isn't there. He smiles gently, and we both know this story.

-0-0-0-

Tom Paris

B'e myself, Harry, marla and Mike are in the delta 3 prototype. Commander data has joined us as an observer. The enterprise has taken us to an asteroid belt where there are fragments of vessels destroyed in the dominion war. They have been hailing over the last few days to make sure that there are no salvagers out there, scraping a living from the wreckage of flotsom and jetsom after the federation clean up occurred. Of course, this increases the chance of inquisitive eyes...

We start with the dance. The captain started the trend with her aerowing once when we were in safe space reconditioning voyager. It became a game, from then on we liked playing this one for all the recon and new shuttles. So we do this for her, knowing that she is with Picard and Riker on the bridge. I hope that Chakotay is there with Miral too. I flash the running lights three times and the enterprise responds.

In my head I see our captains glee and hope that she is cheering me on as Riker gives us the targets. The enterprise starts, deflector dish, a light goes on and we have before three seconds to ping it with our targeting and can use thrusters only. It is more complex by sharing this between myself and Mike. Easy ping though. Deck 4 quarters and ping, starboard bussard collector and ping. Cargo bay, a bit more manoeuvring but a ping, port nacelle... And so it continues. There were a few we didn't quite make, and Riker was testing manoeuvrability and speed quite rigorously by the end. B'E is certainly happy. Our Captains voice hails and we put her on the small view screen. Clearly pleased, she congratulates us and suggests we proceed to phase 2. She is flanked by Chakotay and Picard, indulgently smiling. I imagine that the captain- our captain- has been very vocal in her encouragement!

i try the fancy evasive manoeuvres in free space before I wind us around the asteroid field. This ship is beautiful, it responds to the merest pressure, it is nearly as responsive as Alice, not that I would tell B'e that or risk a mauling! It is the ultimate flyer for a pilot and it has our names all over it. I try riskier and riskier manoeuvres and tighter turns, I am in love with a ship! OMG! Harry laughs and tells me to close my mouth, B'E punches me. It is a delight.

Harry has been testing all aspects of analysis and comms, not so much to challenge here, but certainly works at least to delta 2 standard.

We then try our targeting on small asteroids, to check all aligned. Mike grins as he chooses finer and finer targets. We are like cadets on their first solo experience! Finally we ask enterprise to fire at us - aiming for minimal damage to check shields. We use all the different types with enterprise slowly increasing the load. Clearly we stop before risk of damage.

As a final unannounced test we beam the captain and Chakotay on board, luckilly successfully, and announce this to the enterprise before taking a lap of honour and a warp 9.98 test and finally bringing her slowly back to the cargo bay.

this has allowed us some privacy, and the captain horrifies me by announcing the Gul she will be negotiating with is the same one who held her and my father captive. Harry and Mike are given a very minimal, sanitised version. Harry takes it at face value and Mike goes maquis, mirroring Chakotay. The captain instructs us to ignore all rumour, all innuendo and any aside mention of this if brought up. It is past and done, it has no hold on her, and she doesn't want anyone to claim it might. It should have no hold over us either. She seriously faces each of us in turn. We agree. Part of me imagines meeting the bastard in a deserted alley, but the better part of me points out this is exactly what the captain doesn't want. Why is nothing simple.

she tells us we are going to go back to enterprise as people with something to celebrate, and we agree. The delta 3 is a wonder. In the evening, all b'e wants to do is rest in. She grumbles that I just don't understand how in demand she feels. I Tuvok eyebrow her until she laughs. It is good to be recognised for what you do well, but her tolerance for celebrity palls quickly! We settle Miral and then enjoy our own private celebration. Klingon style!

/0/0/0/

 _thankyou to Laura W for her joyride and road trip which I have referenced with the delta 3 testing. I am so glad you agreed to the homage to your fabulous paired stories - def in my most favourite favourites list._


	11. Chapter 11 - on ds9

Chakotay

They have said their private goodbyes, he will see her publically before they separate.

He beams onto DS9 with Gilmore and Lessing. There she is, Kira Nerys. A polite smile on her face, questions in her eyes. This is his show, his responsibility, and he is ready for it. He is an annealed amalgam of maquis captain steel and starfleet officer tritanium. He is a weapon forged in the delta quadrant, but his goal is peace. He is a contrary, and it finally suits him. He nods to Nerys, who welcomes him aboard, introducing the security officers who will take them to their quarters and then escort the three of them to her office. They will have an hour to put the case to her to consider. Chakotay is afterwards invited to the enterprise reception, as is captain Janeway and Lt Kim. It should be, interesting.

The quarters on DS9 bear the same starfleet stamp. Beige not grey, a memory of a discussion on stripes or polka dots gives him pause to smile. After dropping the duffle, he exits to stand with his escort until Gilmore and Lessing join him. He looks each in the eye, receiving a nod. Show time.

The office of Kira Nerys is predominantly functional, devoid of clutter with only a few bajoran artefacts to give any clue to the occupying personality, and a framed holoimage of the station crew under sisko. He begins the obvious start, that of the possible postings that are suggested for him, DS9 is an obvious choice. Close to Trebus and family. Unspoken between them are big negotiations on the horizon; the key architects of this are yet dependent on other negotiations. Setting up the dominoes so that they may yet fall in a pattern.

whilst he praises Gilmore and Lessing, he subtly moves his hand in old maquis sign language. He knows Nerys will be able to read. 'Is her office safe, is it overheard'. She acts as if she has not seen.

He orders Gilmore to outline an efficiency assessment and a potential defence, in vague terms as not as yet released. He signs alynna's code name, as it is her that will sign off this information as part of, well, the future. Gilmore does him proud, is competent, efficient, starfleet. 'Who, 'Nerys finally acknowledges the signs by one of her own as adjusting her collar. He ghosts a smile 'love' he responds. Nerys asks a searching question of Gilmore wrt the Equinox. She responds well, they faced insuperable odds and failed as starfleet officers. Janeway offered redemption through service, and they wish to continue this, whether allowed to remain within starfleet or not. Lessing nods. Chakotay signs 'true' . He leaves the signs to the minimum. Even if the maquis are gone, some remain who will have known the signs, and if this office is compromised, they are like to be able to read them. It is more of a signal to Nerys to confirm there are levels to this. 'Why' she signals. 'Dove' he responds, for peace, stability and a future to be proud of. It mirrors an old biblical tale. The dove signs that it is safe to settle.

'Agreed, ideally within starfleet' Kira Nerys is known for her decisiveness, and she will know that both of them can be trusted, especially now before their futures become confirmed, whilst we still have space to move. She asks if there are potentially others from Voyager who might like a role, and agrees to PADD me potentially spaces for discussion. She looks at Gilmore and Lessing and asks if they are free to remain. ' I believe so whilst Captain Janeway is an emissary. Admiral Nechayev should be informed as they will need to return to starfleet for the debrief outcomes.' We all understand. They have just short of three weeks to show they can integrate and be useful. At that point, Kira Nerys may issue a commendation and request to the Admiral for continued expiation through exemplary service.

a good outcome. They agree basic terms, he and Nerys go to don dress robes for this evenings pomp for FedNews. It will look better than him carrying a 'near-naked' as they put it captain back to a 'secluded cabin' . To say Admiral Paris was unhappy was an understatement, and they were denied further 'shore leave' until post debrief.

-0-0-0-

Seven

since unimatrix zero was destroyed I haven't dreamed, but something sneaks in, something is speaking to me whilst I regenerate. I need to speak to the captain but she isn't here. I wonder if I can reduce regeneration. Could I talk to Icheb, doesn't it happen to him? He hardly regenerates. Can I speak to the doctor. I am, afraid. I whisper this even to myself. It is inconceivable that I am afraid. I was Borg!

I ask Icheb, he hasn't heard any voices. He checks the regeneration unit, nothing obvious. I speak to the doctor, who checks my processors. None of them find anything. They tell me to speak to the Captain over subspace. I am reluctant. I am an individual, I do not need to run to the Captain with every little problem. I am sufficient. It will keep for when she returns.

-0-0-0-

Kira Nerys

I am not keen to find myself trapped in federation intrigue. My life has seen too much of intrigue and uncertainty. That is why this tentative glimpse of an offer is so very seductive. Peace, a real hope for peace. Inevitably within the Federation, but Bajor has come so close before. Cardassia, can she hold out the same for Cardassia? Is this where she is leading? I know, I truly know her history. I am one of very few, but have had Cardassian knowledge open to me. I also know who she faces. I will meet her and then see how much of my loyalty and influence to commit.

I always forget how much I hate the trappings of diplomatic functions. Smile, laugh, pretend to agree and move on. It would be so much more efficient just to meet in a bar. We have some of the minor Bajoran leaders here, a sprinkling of Vedeks and my senior staff. A variety of spies and persons of dubious affiliation. We also have FedNews and trashPADD news peddlers. They are waiting for 'the couple' since that long distance grainy lens photo from Mexico. There has been little opportunity to review them together as all press ops have been strictly managed.

The commander is already here anyway, discreetly mingling with my senior crew, if anyone can be discreet with such distinctive facial markings. The two visiting Captains arrive together. Cue the holoimage frenzy. I put on my best smile to greet them, and see it identically mirrored. I am surprised when a maquis sign is discretely flashed by Janeway, roughly translated into 'don't let the bastards get you down' a rare one that. I nearly actually smile. We pose for FedNews images and then politely escort all the press and associated out of the diplomatic suite. Now, at least we only have the spies and persons of dubious affiliations to concern ourselves over. i introduce the brace of Captains to our Bajoran politicos and they make polite small talk, and Janeway indulges them in a 'delta quadrant tall tale' before they move away. I notice that Chakotay has gravitated to behind her left shoulder. Discretely intimidating.

Finally I have a chance to meet her properly. I have had an interesting enough career of my own to meet her as an equal, and if I am honest, I am hoping to meet someone who potentially will be a friend. I miss Jadzia, and immediately feel guilty that Ezri is not the same. I capture her hand and lead her to a side table. Once there, I wave Chakotay away, and notice that he only leaves at her nod. Very first officer of him. She tells me that I am bigger than she expected, this is quite unusual, as I am not very big at all! I laugh, and say that perhaps she is smaller than her reputation would have us believe. We start well. She asks me about whether DS9 could use some delta quadrant hybridisation, and I laugh. she doesn't need to sell her team, Chakotay has done that well enough, and some Voyagers will make their home here.

I can see she is puzzling, and I smile again. 'Captain Janeway, I just wanted to see who 'you' really are.' 'kathryn' she says in that delightful gravel voice. 'Nerys' I answer. So many topics are fraught with double meanings for us to talk about, so she starts on gossip, about our holocharacter. She talks about her sentient EMH, about what makes people people. We talk about the difficulty of forgiveness when people lose this quality, and the difficulty in holding back from retribution or vengeance. She gives nothing away, but I see this is a difficult subject. However, when I think that this is about an upcoming meeting, she refers me back to the delta quadrant, she was, on occasion, vengeful. She lightens the mood talking about her disastrous talaxian chef, and I notice Chakotay is sidling back. i wave him back over. They are both immediately more relaxed.

There is more talking that we could do, but the vulcan comes across, and I have never been one to stay in Vulcan company longer than necessary. This one is the usual taciturn, superior version. Living longer and no emotions, does not mean you are superior. I am going with small and feisty as better indicators. I smile and leave. However, he is making his excuses and returning to the ship, it is late. Shortly Picard rounds up his charges, and it is time for goodbyes.

I think all eyes in the room are on Janeway and Chakotay for their goodbye. Their relationship is like a holonovel. However, it is very discreetly beautiful. They hold hands, she places the palm of her free hand on his chest, and he used his free hand to gently pull her forwards to brush his lips across her cheek. More romantic than platonic, but hardly an outrageous show. It takes them a while to release their hold of hands, or the locking of their eyes, but she nods, and he smiles, and shortly after that he steps away for her to beam up, and then turning briskly, makes his way back to quarters.

Meeting her has been interesting, but not quite enough. I don't dislike her, but I am not yet entirely ready to completely roll over and commit to supporting the great Captain Janeway. I find Chakotay more intriguing, and will endeavour to spend time with him. Tribesman to starfleet to maquis and back to starfleet. Some journey. His spirituality is interesting too.

-0-0-0-

Unknown

They are getting closer. Our friends had their first look at them on DS9 at the ambassadorial meal. They felt she wasn't very prepossessing. A small human female. She did not appear to be a warrior, nor a hero. Is she really the one? They also passed on some grainy image of the new ship. It is smaller than I expected, and manoeuverable. The weapons do not seem to be a concern for us, they appear to be for disabling opponents not annihilation. No match for us.

-0-0-0-

B'elanna Torres

Great Kahless! Tom and Harry are full of themselves. Whilst I have been looking at enterprise specs and snuggling Miral, they have fallen right back into the good old days mentality and 'hit the station' together. BaQa! Usually, this would lead to a penitential visit to the ready room, a disappointed Janeway, and two boys promising never to let her down again. I think she must have enjoyed their antics, as their punishment was usually fairly negligible.

This time, it appears, they have outraged the local Ferengi. His name begins with a Q, so I was quite firm with them, consider, is he really a Q in disguise? Are you sure he isn't. I can hear Q laughing at the edge of my brain. P'Tak. He apparently tried to fleece Ensign Eager with gifts before they set of from DS9, and Harry, and I struggle to believe this, collected a miscellany of trash from the delta quadrant specifically to sell back to Quark. bortaS bIr jablu'DI' reH QaQqu' nay' . An icy cold dish of revenge!

The enterprise is on route for Chin'toka and tomorrow we begin. Well, I will stay on the Enterprise with Miral. Kahless, I hope that Kathryn is OK. I don't know how she can face it so calmly. She told me that she realised she was more cured than she expected. She felt anger more with the Admirals for giving her this challenge, and I am quite sure that Tom would have punched his father if he was present. She is right, somehow over the years, with the friendship, love and family of Voyager has taken away some of my anger, has taken some of those jagged pains away. However, I don't think I would be able to do what she will need to do. Those admirals. P'taks, all of them.

I place Miral in her crib and listen to my boys. They are both laughing, if they wake Miral I will make them wish that they were in Gre'thor. I stomp into them and threaten to take my Bat'leth to them. I am quite sure that the Ferengi taHqeq will make a profit on anything, and will get the last laugh. 'Go!' I shove Harry out, and push a more than willing Tom towards our bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12 - Chin'toka

Janeway

So, it is today, I am up and ready. I should be anxious, or angry, but instead I feel alive. It is exhilarating to be back on active duty. The interpersonal challenge just adds to the excitement. I tried to tell 'Lanna that the Delta quadrant changed me, just like it changed everyone. I am a different woman from the alpha quadrant Captain that survived and repressed those early traumas. The Delta Quadrant placed me into the forge and all those experiences became who I am, and a source of strength. It helped me not only survive, but enjoy beating Kashyk and the Devore. Next to the Devore, these beaten Cardassians are wildcat compared with smilodon. They still have teeth and claws, but I am here to bring them into alliance, tempt them with the warmth and comfort of the Federation, ease the transition to domestication. They would hate the analogy, and no doubt still dream of being the lion of their past.

Early to share a public breakfast with my team. All our Voyagers left on board. On display, no concerns. Johnson and Rala have joined with us, part of our team and looking comfortable. I am pleased when Deanna joins us too. This is how we work, all the Enterprise can see us looking at notes, sharing PADDS and hearing us being positive about the advantages of strengthening an alliance with Cardassia. I know many will have doubts, many have lost friends and family to the Cardassians, both in the Cardassian war, the maquis/DMZ and then to the Dominion Alliance. They are hesitant and dubious about policy. They know that we have lost too. They know my crew integrated maquis, and probably know which of us have what losses, though hopefully not all of mine. I stop that thought and rethink, and look to Deanna.

'Deanna' I begin, she already senses the feelings of my thoughts, though not the content.

'I am wondering if there will come a moment that discussing and forgiving the past is in the best interests of peace'

I cannot help but notice the slack jaws of the team around the table. Tom has an instinctive denial ready to spring out, not masking his facial expressions. Ayala has a mask worthy of Chakotay, neutral with some concern. He gives me his assent. Harry is angry too, it would hit him hard the full details. 'Lanna surprises me by her fierce grin and nod. She understands, I would be taking the final step to claim my history.

Having assessed my team, I look at Deanna, seeking understanding and agreement. I will need her to confirm that moment when it arrives. I will need to be sure that if I do own my story that it is for the right reason and will work to promote peace.

'Kathryn, are you sure about this. Have you truly forgiven?' I give this serious thought and slowly nod. To my best knowledge I believe I have.

'I believe so. I will know for certain when we meet.' I pause, to make sure I believe this, and then smile back at Lanna.

'Lanna, please comm Chakotay with a warning and ask him to comm my mother. I don't want them finding out from FedNews or trashPADDS.' She nods.

'let's do this!'

We move out to the shuttlebay, with some of the enterprise crew shaking our hands as we leave ten forward. There is a buzz, an enthusiasm about this mission. It feels right and positive, finally.

-0-0-0-

Seven

The voice is getting more insistent. The voice says that by leaving the collective, becoming an individual, I am less than I was. With each change and each passing month I become less. I am weaker, emotions make me vulnerable. The voice tells me not to trust the captain. She doesn't love me like the queen did. I demur, the captain came back for me, she rescued me at huge cost. Later she chased after me and brought me back. The captain loves me.

the voice continues, she has left you now. I disagree, it is an away mission, nothing more. But she didn't need you, didn't need your advice, doesn't want you. She took everyone else. She no longer needs you in the alpha quadrant. You are irrelevant. I am not irrelevant, I have many worthy projects. The voice is seductive . You are irrelevant. Your projects are on the sideline. Do not prevaricate, do not hide, face the truth. Resistance is futile.

I go and work on the medical use of nanoprobes with the Doctor and T'Len. I like T'Len, she is calm and intelligent. I always appreciated Tuvok and Vorik for their logical approach, and I am pleased to have a colleague who also appreciates my logic. I believe we are very compatible. Our Bajoran colleague, Tarlen, is less well attuned to my working practices. He is chaotic, messy and talkative. However, he does have a creative intellect, and provides leaps in contemplation, leading us to unique applications. Without his input, our output would be more pedestrian. Our team is well chosen for complementary skills. He is attractive, and I had considered asking him for a date, but the disastrous fall out from dating a colleague on Voyager persuades me to concentrate on my friendship with T'Len. I will ask her whether she would like to share a meal with me.

-0-0-0-

Tom Paris

I am behind the controls of the delta 3. We are finally all on board, the Captain at science as B'E is staying on the Enterprise with Miral. Rovek was last on, so here we are 4 diplomats; 5 security and me. Rala will stay with me on the shuttle. I am not sure why we are shuttling down rather than transporting, just that this was requested. It seems...unusual. This is the first shuttle to have an emergency transporter, though it does tie up most of the energy when used.

Well, there is Chin'toka 3, it looks unpreposessing as I manoeuvre towards it. It is only three years since two separate wars decimated Chin'toka and the system, we are meeting here as a symbol. As we enter, Harry is immediately on alert.

'Tom, the mount of space debris is unprecedented'

The Captain sighs, nothing is ever easy, though we were predicting this 'on screen, plot a safe course Harry, Tom'

'There are three clear entry points Captain' Harry confirms 'and I can also plot a different trajectory for emergency use'

'do it' she confirms

So now I am travelling at Warp 5, shields at maximum whilst we loop round the remains of pulverised orbital stations and federation, Klingon and some dominion vessels. Fancy flying indeed. The path is certainly narrow, and no larger federation vessel would safely make it through without significant hit to shields, or use of weapons to clear more. This place is certainly in need of a clear.

'keep watch for other energy systems Harry' the Captain warns. None of us like the tortuous approach to the Chin'toka planet, it allows for far too much opportunity for mischief. Behind us, there are some general murmurings of conversation from the four security ensigns and two other diplomats. It grounds me. This is a diplomatic mission, not a delta quadrant first contact. I look over at the Captain, she looks like she expects a typical first contact scenario. She is tense, and I can only tell by the set of her jaw as she searches and researches the data coming in for any anomalous readings.

-0-0-0-

unknown

we are ready. The first test is in place. I hope she is a worthy recipient of the title hero. I enjoy the game. The game is everything.

-0-0-0-

Janeway

Damn. Harry and I must have spotted it simultaneously. He starts to say 'Captain' as I shout 'red alert' and notify Ayala of incoming weapons fire, working with Harry to triangulate and comming the Enterprise to apprise them of the situation. Rovek queues from behind. 'Seems like there is a rogue defence platform left active' I very careful enunciate. Accidentally on line my foot! I don't believe in coincidences.

This is planned. However, I am determined our mission will be successful. Our shields absorb the weapons fire easily, 'no damage' . The weapons array is firing on repeat and manoeuvring towards us. Initially difficult to clearly spot due to the interference from multiple large debris pieces as well as the general background. I thank my engineering team for the sensor and scan upgrades we prioritised in our defenders first plan. 'Ayala' , I order 'coordinates delivered, target to destroy minimum force' as the array will be unmanned, but also I am hoping to keep some of the delta flyers prowess a secret. I have a suspicion we will need every upgrade!

The enterprise, with the improvements my engineers have made , help triangulate the source, and we fire simultaneously, this should also confuse any watching sensors as to relative damage and power. I hope they assume the Enterprise was predominant. The defence station disintegrates, as I notice more energy signatures curving towards us.

'damn! Red alert! Evasive manoeuvres Tom, Harry plot an escape route through the debris' damn, the safe routes felt suspicious from the start. I am going to do this delta quadrant style from now onwards. At least we have drawn out the threat, in part. Easier now to insist on caution. 'Ayala stand ready with ablative armour but only use if standard shields drop below 40% or we lose weapons.' I pause as my heart sings and my body thrills to be back in command.

'Harry, broadcast hail, this is Captain Janeway of the United Federation of Planets on a peaceful diplomatic mission. Power down your weapons and open channel' I know that I have stood in classic Janeway pose by the beaming smile Harry gives me. It is good to be back.

'Ayala, if necessary target weapons, they must fire first. Disable not destroy'

Tom is taking the evasive manoeuvres into the debris field approximating the course Harry has set. This flyers must have improved inertial dampeners as despite the spectacular weaving and balletic spiral movements that Tom makes, we stand steady here at the bridge. Once upon a time, movements like this would have us all clutching our chairs or grab rails, and the less shipworthy amongst us would have been suffering. Again, I thank my engineers. Instead I can concentrate on the information flying at us from the scans. The energy signatures belong to five separate points. Whilst Harry is busy on comms, I run them through a differentiator algorithm. Something special Seven worked on to help identify anomolous readings, hidden or cloaked antagonists. It clearly shows there are two slight variants. Three near identical ships, all now hailing. Two very close matches. Not hailing.

'Ayala, target weapons systems of ships D21 and D13 , prepare to take out weapons only if they don't power down with the other three. Harry, on screen.'

the screen splits to show three cardassian faces. I reintroduce myself and they say they have come to escort us, scrambled at the weapons fire. Harry confirms they have powered down their weapons. I ask about the other two ships just as one fires. It all happens so quickly. The arcing torpedo which Ayala targets and destroys just as it passes close to one of the cardassian vessels; the next target to both shadow ships weapons arrays such that they are incapacitated; return fire from two subsidiary cardassian ships even as I shout 'hold your fire' .

They proceed to bombard them with heavy fire despite my repeated insistence that we should desist and capture. Harry is unable to identify or lock onto any life signs and I desperately try and grab telemetry and data, continuing also to see if we can isolate any crew to beam aboard, but the two ships explode in a pyrotechnic display, igniting nearby debris in a wide radius. What the hell did they have on board to be so deadly.

the cardassian ships hail us. Proud that 'the subversives' can do no more harm. They ask us to follow them in. We can only comply. I ask Harry to continue analysing all we can about the two unknown ships, energy signatures, the unusual power of the explosion and also upload the raw data to the Enterprise. Something untowards is on the periphery and knowledge is key. Data confirms he will personally review and forwards results to delta 3 flyer through the subspace link, and to myself and Harry.

I ask Mike to re-brief security utilising the latest information , reviewing our options. We had planned to return nightly to the Enterprise, and I hope that this is still going to be possible, but we need alternatives. We also need to up our concern levels for external attack, so a re-review of the venue is required as well as any planetside sleeping arrangements. There are too many of us to all sleep here in the flyer. He nods, I know I don't need to spell it out. I will temporarily cover tactical , and ask Deanna to stand at science and ask whether over the distance she had anything to add from the attack. Damn, I should have had her on the bridge, such as it is, for comms.

However it is Rovek that first comes forwards before Mike leaves, whilst I realise he has been silently on the bridge throughout. 'Highly commendable' he states, with standard Vulcan imperturbability 'however, I believe that I will make tactical and leave you with science.' I feel the jaw drop of my whole team as a civilian countermands the captain of her ship. A competent captain. I raise an eyebrow for clarification and I am surprised that Ayala responds. 'He has the skills Captain, but has had a name change' I eye him with surprise and even Rovek raises an eyebrow. 'Just so' he minimally states. Damn Vulcans for their limited sharing.

'We will discuss further once secure, as you will Rovek' if he is going to take tactical then he damn well will do it under my command! I revert to science after a quick induction to the tactical station of main systems. It is intuitive to those that have manned federation tactical stations before, and this appears to be the case. Deanna has no additional information to deliver at this time.

We make a straightforwards landing on the Chin'toka planet with no further excitement or interference. I spare a thought for Chakotay. He is going to have to rage impotently on ds9. I don't need him or Tuvok to tell me that this missions safety parameters have completely changed. I wish one of them were with me. I miss them both. It is far too long since I had Tuvoks counsel. I have faith in Ayala, and I will soon hammer out with Rovek. We can no longer maintain secrets. In part, this warning shot has been too easy. Is this to place us on alert, if so, why? Why give away the danger in a mission expected to be peaceful. Why allow me warning? I suspect the classic overthinking game within a game. I don't forget that the shots fired were targetting the cardassian vessels. I miss my first and second officers!

Sighing, all the team join us on the bridge, there is no ready room on a delta flyer. 'Report' I snap. It has not been the best of starts.

Rovek surprises me. 'I would prefer my name to remain Rovek, but your tactical officer is correct, I have served before in the military, but had a life changing event that persuaded me civilian life should be followed. However, you will find that I am an able fighter if required. I would prefer this not to be shared knowledge. Nothing else about my past history is relevant to this mission. I would declare it' well, dammit! 'I therefore suggest that we keep the security details unchanged, but at the first sign of trouble, throw you a phaser.'

' Ayala, what about the venue?' He is quite detailed about defensibility, risk points and that there is no real change, as he had organised details and plans as if red alert.

'Harry, what about the safest vector to return to Enterprise' and am disappointed that he is more circumspect. Looking at possible energy signatures and compound matching, he is concerned that there may be more of the defense array platforms left functional, or reactivated. We can attempt a return to Enterprise, but this will risk exposing our ablative armour prematurely.

Hmm 'Deanna, would it be seen as good faith to offer to stay on the planet as a gesture?' She concurs, so I ask that Mike passes on information to Johnson, who is staying on the delta flyer with Tom this first day. He will look at a maximal defensive option, potentially with shift sleeping on the delta flyer if required. They both know our code words, know to be primed, and not to let the delta flyer be compromised under any circumstances.

'Let's Do It!'


	13. Chapter 13- deception

Gul Emen

I know who she is, and there is a frisson of excitement, mixed with an undercurrent of something that I refuse to admit is shame. I do not experience shame or regret. I did what was needed for Cardassian Supremacy, and I will continue to do so. Currently we need this alliance. I am not a fool. Without federation help and resources, we are too weak and we will be invaded.

This is a test for me by those that control my fate. Can I hide the hate I feel for our weakness? Can I control my pride and emotions and allow this federation envoy to be treated as an equal? Can I resolve the distaste for meeting someone so worthless? I barely remember her, one amongst so many. I would not remember her except for the admiral with her, and the overly touching concern they had for each other. I attempted to destroy that, but it is clear I was unsuccessful. I only remember because I failed, and spent the next ten years in menial exile. That has at least allowed me my current position. I am not tainted by association with the Dominion. I am a true Cardassian.

The fools with me on this diplomatic excursion are new breed. I can see that they are truly tempted by what is offered by the Federation. I am not. We will take what we need now to raise ourselves back to greatness. We will drive as hard a bargain as we dare.

I stand outside this dull looking shuttlecraft of theirs, waiting the hatch to open. She is certainly keeping us waiting.

And there she is, confident, proud and as she sweeps her eyes across me, shows no outwards sign of recognition or dismay. I see her and I bring the smile to my face. A cordial welcome. I wonder what she has told her team. Ha! I imagine nothing. It would not do to show such weakness. They must despise us to send a woman and a vulcan to treat with us.

She is there, calmly shaking my hand, holding eye contact. I see only polite interest. A diplomat not a warrior despite the rumours. Can it be that she no longer recognises me? Do we all look the same to her? I struggle to keep my hatred of the federation, of this woman who has forgotten me from my eyes, to project the same mask of amiable diplomacy. We introduce our teams, and I purposefully take her arm to lead us into the waiting negotiation space. She acquiesces gracefully. i could be anybody. I am anybody. Her team are equally controlled, as if they were all Vulcan. We pose for the inevitable staged images to transmit via the subspace beacon to the homeworlds of peace and cordiality. Transmission of signals from here is difficult with all the debris. I wonder who chose the miserable planet system of Chin'toka to be our bartering ground. Federation peace and federation rules. Even in my head I spit on the phrases. I will bear this as punishment for failure, and await the future days of glory when we have gained the strength to return to martial dominance.

Time to negotiate. I look between her and the Vulcan, these two are key. Starfleet and Federation.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

I am dining with Kira when the story arrives on Fed News being broadcast in the quiet restaurant, and I am angry that I wasn't informed before. It starts with my Kathryn, held by that damned cardassian with her most serene smile in place. I take a moment to be proud of her, be proud of all of them, their confident stance, giving nothing away. No element of doubt over this mission is visible, no hint of past discord, past torture. If anything, it is the cardassian hosts that look uncertain.

However, the voice commentary, which Kira requests an increase in volume, announces that the traverse across the debris field involved an unprovoked attack by what is being considered to be rogue platforms. No one is being allowed to leave the planet surface, as more of the platforms have activated, and some are currently firing on the Enterprise. Kira then notices a comm light flashing on her PADD.

It is true that we have had an enjoyable meal together, and for a while I have been able to put my concerns to the back of my mind. We have laughed and reminisced about people and places we have both known. We have a lot in common. We both could have been broken by our experiences, but are undisputably stronger. She reminds me a bit of a blend of Kathryn and B'Elanna. She is humorous, flirtations and intelligent, with a strong streak of stubborn self sacrifice and self deprecation. our conversation has ranged far and near. We certainly were near hysterical over the items that Quark has on display from the delta quadrant, at an exorbitant price. I will have to at least make a passing effort to reprimand our terrible duo. Kathryn will laugh too. I suck in my breath. Kathryn, I had nearly forgotten her in this meal time, and now I hear that whilst I have laughed and found comfort in new friendships, her life has been in danger.

Kira plays the comm message, it is from the Enterprise. B'Elanna has been trying to contact me. Damn. They are also notifying the orbital platform problem. Commander Data has done some analysis, and a secure transcription will be forwarded. i look at Kira with alarm, as she moves onto the message. It suggests that the delta flyer and escorts were also attacked by two unknown shuttles, passing as cardassian, but with no apparent life signs.

We move to leave the restaurant, and I notice some of the trashPADD journalists are loitering. Damn, no doubt this will be part of a story. Indeed one comes up and asks what it feels like to be enjoying an assignation with another woman whilst my lover is under fire. Under strict previous instructions from Admiral Paris, I bark out 'no comment' as we stride off. We go to Kira's briefing room, where I will be able to access my messages, and we can call both Lessing and Gilmore, and some of Kira's team to discuss risks at this point, including a subspace hail to O'Brien.

Damn Damn Damn.

Not that I regret the meal with Kira, I have a life to live and work to do. I regret not being there, Chin'toka. In fact I am desperate to be there, to be protecting her, making sure she minimises risks. Dammit, she is more likely to take additional risk to ensure that this diplomatic mission is successful. I look again at the short liveVID of her and the diplomatic greeting. There is no sign at all that any of them have had any recent combat or risk. I look particularly at Ayala and the security detail, and despite their calm visage, I can see that they are constant scanning, and ready to act. Damn but she is so exposed standing there. I calm my breathing. I trust Mike. He will do everything in his power to keep her safe.

B'E has nothing to add. communication is hidden with the team, routed to the delta flyer, giving them additional information. It looks like they will need to sleep on planet. At least until the Enterprise has identified and neutralised all the platforms. We both have our hearts on that damn planet, and neither of us are in a position to make changes. She is going to work on improvements with Geordi for scanning and transporters. Currently they cant transport to or from the planet due to interference. B'E also slips a word in that fills me with dread. Scorpion. It means that something has been affecting Seven through her regeneration unit. All these things coming together when we are separated. I will deal with that next. I project confidence to B'E, in my abilities, in her abilities and the visiting team. We are prepared, we can do this both singly and together. It is what she needed to hear.

Gilmore and Lessing work across an encrypted with O'Brien to consider every last angle of the last Chin'toka conflict, trying to gain insight into why Chin'toka, the relevance of the clearly reconstructed orbital platforms, as O'Brien confirms they were destroyed, as well as their power source in the conflict. Differences and similarities from Data's analysis. I ask Kira to do a starfleet encrypted code 47 to Admiral Paris. We need to know if he knew about the Gul. We need to route this carefully, as a rush of increased comms could be noticed by a carefully adversary, and we have no idea what we have walked into. Caution, communication, cleverness, creativity. All the words whispered by Kathryn when she chanted what made Voyager safe. command, compassion, confidence. I reel them off in my head, we need to utilise all these strands.

We need to hide our comms, we therefore need another reason for increased comms from the station. I sigh. We have the reporters of the trashPADDS, we just need to give them the hint of a story and they will, hopefully, cause a storm in the comms traffic. A conspiracy, that is what we are tangled in, we need to apply some misdirection whilst we untangle the evidence.

-0-0-0-

Unknown

So they moved past the first hurdle without loss. I laugh as my ships are shot from the sky. I would wager that the hero is astounded and angry at this lost opportunity to gather information. I, however, have gained information about them. The flyer is exceptionally manoeuverable, and normally I would say that was a nova squadron pilot. Bit in this case it is Tom Paris, the no longer estranged son of the Admiral of the same name. Oh, how I have wanted to hurt that admiral. Now I have not only his hero protege, but his son in my grasp. I also have an obvious pawn who will act as the lightening conductor for blame, censure and distrust.

I enjoy the game. It seems that it will be more enjoyable than I had expected.

-0-0-0-

Seven

I ignore the voice, but it speaks to me each time I regenerate. The voice is getting stronger. Each night it adds more details. Last night the voice tells me that I can't trust the captain. It says that the captain deceives me. To be human is to dissemble. Only the Borg have no use for such subterfuge. The Borg hear each other, minds are one. There is no space for concealment between them, they cannot lie to me. I find the untruth in this, the queen can and does lie, practising subterfuge and concealment. She is not trustworthy. Scorpion.

the voice reminds me that the captain stole my future from me. Once when she tore me from the collective to make me an individual, and again when she changed and remade time and the future, tearing love and marriage from me. She deceived me. He deceived me, he swore to love me in one future, yet even the he must have loved her more. The voice does not enable me to rest.

'Do not trust them', the voice whispers around me. 'They do not love you as I do, as we do. Return to us. Return to me.'

I know the voice. I have always known the voice.

I come out of regeneration, less refreshed than the previous day. My meal with T'Len had been beneficial, and I will ask for her assistance. I see that there is a message from the Commander. I do not want to answer it. Naomi and Sam are spending the weekend with her husband, there is just myself and Icheb. He looks at me with concern. To his questioning I respond that I am not at peak efficiency, and will report to the Doctor. He offers to escort me. I look at him with suspicion, is he an agent of Janeway and the commander? no, he has been Borg. He does not dissemble. I assent. He notices the message flashing, and queries when I delete it. I remind him that it is not his concern and fixes my eye upon him until he concurs. We are Borg.

With him, we move to starfleet medical, where the doctor is located. Icheb comms him to expect us, without detailing my concern, and I message T'Len. As I respected the honesty and emotional stability of Tuvok and Vorik, so I do T'Len. The doctor fusses around me. I take no comfort in his verbose discourse. I remember his unwanted affections in my direction. I am besieged by emotions. I am relieved when T'Len arrives. Together she and the doctor review my implants and my physiology. I do not feel so, ineffective, when T'Len is here with me. They state that my implants seem to be working at an accelerated rate. i have increased numbers of circulating nanoprobes. Both the doctor and T'Len are concerned. I know it must be the voice, but I cannot say, I cannot admit that she is in my regeneration, whispering through my cortical node. I have no failsafe to protect me.

I trust the doctor, I trust Icheb, I trust T'Len... I trust the Captain, my Captain. She would wish me treated and safe. I must contact her. Icheb suggests that Jenny and Megan and I work together when I am not working with T'Len and the doctor. That constant activity will be helpful. He will be there through my regeneration. I can trust Icheb. I accept his proposition. He cares for me, we are part of a collective.

-0-0-0-

Admiral Paris

When I speak to Kira and Chakotay I am horrified. We sent Kathryn out to meet him. Images flash through my head, her white skin, her whimper, desperately biting in the screams as she... No! We agreed. She and I. We would not let this into our waking, we forgave each other. We had counselling, we sought healing apart and with each other. I replace that young officer with the warrior captain. fearless and whole. If she can move beyond, so can I.

Looking at that damned first officers face I can see he has read me like a book. He knows then.

'I had no idea, there were four places put forwards, I am not sure how we decided on Chin'toka. A sense of pathos perhaps. Setting the scene. The Cardassians were nominating their envoys, but certainly none put forwards were.' i grind to a halt. I realise I cannot say his name. 'I am sorry, kathryn, forgive me' I stutter out. As Chakotay tells me all that they know so far, and as I realise Tom is there too, with Miral I grasp the central truth.

'this is aimed at me Chakotay, not directly at Kathryn. I don't know why, and at such a time, but it is.' I realise that all our communications must be much less obvious than this one, any further calls will be suspicious. At least for this one, I can claim Chakotay was angry about the safety of the team, requesting to rejoin them, which I denied. We agree this

'Icheb' I say 'call Icheb and keep an eye on your son' and under my breath I add 'and mine'

The call is terminated and I must get to work. There is clearly something else at play.


	14. Chapter 14 - a ground attack

Janeway

The morning first meeting has gone well. Our diplomatic smiles and handshakes have been recorded for posterity, we have greeted each other cordially like old friends, with no hint of captor and tortured. Smiling, we have sat down in the conference room for further posed images for FedNews. Now it has finally started. We are in a spacious meeting room, which Ayala has assured us appears exceptionally secure against significant force. It is decorated in the bland functional corporate look, and from the anteroom has washrooms, again functional and bombproof, apparently. There is no entrance to the anteroom from outside whilst we are in meeting except through levels of security, there is security everywhere. Only our own personal security teams are inside. It feels reassuringly secure, and Ayala is satisfied. I let go of part of the tension that has been surrounding me since our dramatic firefight on the approach to the planet. I remain on yellow alert, as does my team.

Rovek has led the initial discussion, predominantly introductory, ingratiating, finding areas that intersect. Only a Vulcan could carry that off without sounding obsequious. He looks the part in ceremonial Vulcan robes, ostentatious in contrast to the grey of the new Starfleet uniform. God, but I wish that I knew the secret of his past. I wonder why Ayala has been complicit in the secrecy. Gul Emen has mostly responded positively, but I see him watching me. He cannot decide what I know. When we break, I will talk to Deanna, as our strategy is for me to do the pressing and Rovek to be ameliorative. Warrior vs Diplomat. Deanna will nod the changes and set the pace. Before we begin, I need to know how much our past is affecting the Gul, and what this means for negotiation. I know that he remembers me, or has had it reminded. It is in the hooded look and the knowing smile on introduction. I am proud, I have had no tremor, no concerns, I am finally at peace with my past. I do not forgive the assault and trauma, but it does not directly affect me any more. I am a woman born from my past, it has given me strength, eventually. He has no power over me any more.

I continue with my calm but thoughtful air, nodding appropriately to underline the negotiating position of Rovek. I am on high alert, awaiting the next move from whoever orchestrated the attack on the delta flyer. I must ignore that, and allow Ayala and team to keep alert. Kim occasionally interjects a point. I enjoy watching him settle into his role as diplomat. I am silent but thoughtful, mostly contemplating cause and effect of our dramatic welcome. Letting my thoughts range around what we know helps my brain make the connections that could lead to the answer of who has attacked us, or at least their motivation.

At last we pause to smile and then regroup with our individual teams for refreshments. Our hosts have appropriate foods and beverages, and after Ayala checks all with the tricorder, I finally have the coffee I need. Harry cannot help a small smile as he watches me drink it. Drinking the coffee is a risk, as I am well known for my preferences, and should I be a target, it would be a prime candidate. However, I still savour every mouthful. Whilst I murmur to Deanna, who agrees that Gul Emen is confused by me, or rather by my lack of open awareness of who he is. He is also a seething mass of anger. His co-diplomats are more reasonably inclined towards the federation. Interesting. I also eat some interesting looking fruit, also interesting tasting, eschewing the standard fare set out for the federation team. Unexpected, and I see interested glances from the Cardassian contingent.

To the side, Ayala and Rollins review the possible accommodation options , they certainly seem secure. Our Cardassian hosts are keen that there should be no further mishaps to this embassy. I remain concerned. We talk the specifics expected, but by the hand movements he confirms my concern and that he will take precautions. I remain relieved that Chakotay taught all the senior team and tactical the maquis sign language, and then we increased it to cover our requirements. Here it is possible that some will understand, but it is very discreet, and they would have to be purposefully looking. Blended in is a mixture of additional signs formulated by Tuvok and Neelix. Enough disparity to confuse. Bless Neelix. I wish that we could still be in contact with him.

The high levels of security, the consistent approach to our welbeing, this just doesn't correlate well with the attack on the way here. There clearly must be another player. As the next session gets into play, I let my mind roam amongst the possibilities. I don't think this is a direct Cardassian attack, they are more keen for this alliance than us. It could be a splinter group, but I would expect by now the news of their involvement to have hit fednews and come back to us. Glory seekers and extremists don't get much glory unless their 'redoubtable achievements' are public knowledge. So, could it be another group wanting to stop the alliance, really that would only realistically be Bajor or the remnants of the maquis. Bajor is unlikely, they are more peaceful as a government, and again splinter groups would be claiming credit. The maquis wouldn't, but they are predominantly broken, this would discredit their own, and I just can't see how they would have the resources. No, this is a well planned third party threat. I don't see the political purpose clearly, nor the possible players, but it could still be part of a wider scheme. It occurs to me that the attack could be personal. That would explain the unexpectedness.

It could be personal. I let Rovek and Gul Emen continue their interminable discourse, and I can quietly see them looking at me, expecting my input. They are both a distraction. If it were personal, directed to unsettle m, that would be why Gul Emen, but not Chin'toka, there would be more, difficult, planets for me to visit. I don't believe my position is such that I am a current threat to anyone, though I am working on that with my plans to strengthen the peaceful diplomatic nature of the federation. I am not always the centre of attention! So, if it were personal, who else could it be aimed against. I don't believe Chakotay either, he is not a big enough player for all this level of pre-organisation to be worthwhile. Just a swift phaser at anytime would achieve the same. It would achieve it now. SO, this is also not about something small, this is to be shown publically on a large scale display. It must be aimed for someone not here, if it is personal. The only person I can think of quickly is Admiral Paris. As I think this, it is clear to me with the reflex intuition that saved us in the delta quadrant that unlikely as this sounds, it is the truth. Immediate red alert and my brain is hotwired to seek pattern and correlations. I thank the coffee.

Tom! OMG TOM! He is here on the delta flyer 3. I immediately privately comm the delta flyer through my PADD 'Janeway to Tom hope things are quiet, have a look around perodically otherwise recommend music 3145' there is an instant return 'tom to Janeway, yes all quiet here, enjoy the diplomacy, Tom out' The codes refer to doing a hot start in stealth mode, with the ablative armour immediately, and then to hide with the multiphasic shielding as a black op, and personnel coming in. I wish that this communication has gone unnoticed, though it is too much to hope for with a well prepared foe. I hope that he can programme the sequences in, with only Johnson, Enterprise's security detail, with him, he will be very short handed for a hot start. I look around at the peaceful conference room. Tom needs the support more than we do.

I whisper that I need to 'freshen up' to Rovek's frown, and take Kim and Murphy with me into the antechamber. I quickly key in Kim to my concern and what I suggest, and that no matter what they must keep comm silence and invisibility until I personally give them the key to reveal. I say they will recognise it. I am concerned that there will be an attempt to flush them out using me. It will be a ruse. Harry wonders if they can get clever with interference patterns. I sigh, and say we will look out for anomalous readings, but they had better be very cautious. I don't want to risk their safety, and who knows what is next on the cards, some secret saviours may be welcome. I also want everyone to be convinced that the delta flyer is destroyed if it becomes the target. Think of additional pyrotechnics, some potential evidence left. But definitely get out and stay hidden. 'Don't return till I say!' I command

They will only have a short time to get to the delta flyer. If it is the next target as I anticipate, leaving the conference room, and then the 2 staff members returning to the flyer will be suspicious whatever cover story I concoct. There may be very little time. Run! I command, and they run to the delta flyer. I have sent Kim and Murphy, because if Tom is to survive, he will need their ops and engineering skills more than I will. I thank Tuvok for the foresight to cross train on Voyager.

It isn't far to the flyer, so I count to two hundred and forty, my expectation of the time taken to return to the flyer. Thank god there is no detonation beforehand. Each minute now gives Tom time to prepare, and after all, I might be wrong. I smile wryly. I hope so, but think that I will soon find out. I exhale and mentally reset my unworried appearance, returning alone to the discussion room with a signal to my team 'prepare to take cover'. Damn but I hope that I am wrong. Everything in me is screaming that this is right. We are also prepared for a hostage situation, just because I believe the delta flyer to be the next target, doesn't mean it is now, nor does it mean that it won't be a distraction from attacking any of us.

I know there will be a recording, so on the faint chance it is reviewed when still useful I sign to listen by sweeping my hair behind my ear twice in quick succession the conceal my comm badge. This should indicate I am forewarned and there will be covert or hidden ops. I just hope that if it is as I think, Tom will get away safely. I set up my coded message for 'Lanna on the Enterprise, safe, ready on my PADD, which I make innocuous. It contains some what look like meandering messages of a bored diplomat to pass on. To Icheb as my son, to my mother, chakotay, and to 'Lanna. they all include the word scorpion, code for deception and Isaac and the green knight - an imaginary tale, but means Tom and Harry, so they know that hopefully Tom and Harry are safe. the final codeword firework means that I expect and am prepared to be prepped for martyrdom, like the St Catherine of Catherine Wheel fame. They end with my love and faith in them. I will send when I hear the explosion, if it happens. Spirits but I hope I am wrong, and give a small smile at the adoption of Chakotay's habits. I am ready.

Sensing the calm before the storm, I interject on the diplomatic deliberations. It is time to push a bit. It is as if my talking is the signal. The first thing I hear is a low level whine increasing in intensity, volume and pitch. Clearly some kind of weapon. I hope to the gods this room is well protected, as the intensity becomes unbearable. I press then the send on the PADD, and hope that it isn't my final message, that Tom and Harry get the delta flyer away. We dive under the reinforced table bracing ourselves and closing our eyes against any flash, joined by our cardassian colleagues just in time as a huge explosion rocks the building. Ayala has thrown himself on top of me, I can hardly breathe.

It is a single massive quake. I am amazed that the room has held. There is near complete silence. I move and ask for a report. I hear nothing in response. Moving, Ayala frees up my space so I turn to him. I see his lips move, but my hearing has gone. I sign that I have lost sound with the force of the explosion, who knows whether temporary or permanent. In our permitted technology, we have also an enhanced medical tricorder. I crawl to get it, and scan myself. Temporary. It is paired with a mild regenerator, which should cover immediate wounds, so run over my ears and find I get an element of hearing back. I overtly sign in standard to Ayala and Rovek, who are currently looking. Ayala also admits to hearing loss, so he and the remaining security team are next. Rala, being Andorrian appears the most affected. The medical tricorder aims to help her hearing, but it may be compromised longer. Andorrian hearing is far more sensitive. Rovek shakes his head, with that damnable Vulcan superiority, his hearing remains intact. There are no other injuries.

Looking at our cardassian team, they are also disoriented, and I think they are deaf also, I offer Gul Emen the medical device, and he permits me to scan and partially treat his deafness. It should also recover more quickly for the treatment. We still can't hear well, but communicate via our PADDS. The Gul is less dynamic in this situation that I would expect. I explain that we are currently in a place of safety, but with only one exit. It is defensible, but for a short while only, as we have light phasers only, and his team is ostensibly weapon free. That may be long enough for official aid to reach us if we are next targets of hand to hand combat. I would imagine looking at the structural security of this room, that a direct personnel attack would be the obvious choice, using the distraction of a significant explosion elsewhere to disrupt and confuse. Alternatively, further explosive devices might be primed. Since the first has not directly attacked us, and our delta flyer remains my prime concern, any further are likely to try and affect this building. So, time to make a decision, stay and defend or attempt to leave, potentially running into trouble in a less defensible area. Ayala is clear, stay and defend. There are no external windows, there is only one entrance, and the structural integrity of this area appears to be significant. I agree, and Rovek follows in this assessment, Gul Emen shrugs, he will agree with our assessment.

That determined, I attempt to contact the enterprise through communicators, which are ineffective as expected, and then a further PADD message of pure fact for Captain Picard. The pre-explosion message seems to have been transmitted, but the PADD confirms no connection currently with the outside. There could be additional shielding to the building following the explosion, or the subspace relay could have been destroyed. Damn, not for the first time I wish that we had some kind of subspace transmitter, a simple pulse emitter for basic communications. Ideally undetectable by whichever bastard is attacking us currently. I will make that my next priority for Harry and 'Lanna. I am determined to believe they are safe.

Ayala and Rollins discuss a plan with two of the Cardassian emissaries and open cautiously the door to the anteroom. It is clear to them that there is now an additional layer of shielding, as the anteroom entrance is impassable with it. We are certainly safe. I have a concern about the air recycling, but Ayala is reassuring, reviewing two discreet units which appear to be functional. It appears that we are currently safe, but trapped in our safe haven. We have food and fluids and air, and restrooms. Really, this is rather well thought out as a safe zone. I nod to our hosts my appreciation, and just hope that it doesn't end up being a trap.

I consider my thoughts again, so I know two key facts. Firstly my supposition that this is personal might be right, as they have not gone after us but the delta flyer - I think. It could be still that the plan is to limit our options to leave or to distract security forces whilst there is an attack on us. However, with the passing of time, these options become less likely. Secondly, from the shock shown by the cardassian delegates, this is a complete surprise to them. Their previous formidable security must be lax following all the losses of the dominion war. Either that, or someone somewhere is being persuaded not to notice.

I bring all the diplomats to the table, with Ayala and Rollins left to keep watch on the shields at the antechamber door. Our hearing is slightly improved, so I suggest that we record on a PADD our outlined agreement so far and highlight areas for further discussion. We may as well carry on. Rovek lifts an eyebrow, clearly surprised. However, there is no tactical advantage currently for us all to observe the antechamber, so we should work on our mission. After all, although I think it is unlikely as motivation, if someone is trying to disrupt the talks we should avoid giving them the satisfaction of achieving their goal. What they can't see is that I need an outlet for my impatience. I hate being trapped, and I hate not knowing what is happening out there. I am a captain of action. Tapping my feet, hands balled on my hips, I grin to the diplomats, 'lets do it' . I am back in my element, and I can feel the Cardassian team falling in with me. We set to, with redoubled enthusiasm.

Two hours later, and we have accomplished as much as I think is possible without retiring and individual discussion. Many more areas became compatible, as both sides realised that we didn't need to and didn't want to spend time posturing. We have both got PADD documents that have been frozen from overwrite by the combined signatures of two members of each team. There are some areas left to confirm, and we can hopefully complete tomorrow. All but Rala have their hearing returned, and we sit talking about joint hopes and aspirations. Our enforced confinement gives us time to find common ground without the pomp of diplomacy. There are no recordings being transmitted, and quite possibly the recording system has been permanently disrupted. We can relax into who we are. It is noticeable that Gul Emen does not relax. Instead he looks to me and comes to initiate conversation. Deanna and Ayala are clearly noticing. I remain in control.

'Captain Janeway' he opens 'it is so… pleasurable to meet you again' clearly he also assumes there is no further recording, as this is rather strong.

I smile at him 'It is always a pleasure to meet a diplomat and discuss peace' I respond. I neither confirm or deny our past. It is irrelevant.

He comes closer into my space 'of course, you were much younger, and with you handsome Captain, how is he?' the conversation in the room stills. It is hard to deflect this direct gambit.

Sighing, I go for direct 'does it prey on your mind? I really hadn't thought that it would be likely. Our meeting was, and I shrug rather than count, 'some considerable time ago.' I give him another clear half smile. 'I prefer to look to the future and live in the present rather than dwell in the past. I recommend that' I move to refill my coffee and ask whether he requires refreshment. When he hesitates I move to join some of his diplomatic colleagues and make polite conversation. I am proud of my crew, they shew no interest in our conversation. The Cardassian team were somewhat shocked. He has withdrawn from the conversation though, an easy dismissal on this occasion. I imagine it will become more challenging in the coming few days.

Ayala stands and signals for silence. We can all hear, there is a noise beyond the atrium, the shield is weakening. We prepare for rescue or attack. I will defend that damned Gul.

.


	15. Chapter 15 - B'Elanna takes charge

B'Elanna Torres

'BaQa!' The Enterprise is a different beast to Voyager, and yet to come under my control. Voyager knew she was mine, but Enteprise belongs to Geordi. I need to woo and coax her as a re-align her sensor schematics and algorythms. She fights me currently! Geordi is performing the improvements on the warp core to increase efficiency and markedly improve utilisation ratios of dilithium. I will not give him the pleasure of stroking Enterprise to accept the changes! Only engineers know that ships have a personality. It is not scientific, or rational, but they do. Well, I think that Captains and helm may also agree. Voyager flew best for Tom. It was not just that he was the best pilot, but that they had an intuitive response to each other. i had that intuitive conversation with Voyager. Now, I am understanding the Enterprise, as we work towards friendship. 'BaQa!' I wish it was quicker! I have placed Miral in the nursery today so that I can move these along. I don't like having my team on a planet that we can't do a quick extraction from. Too many years on Voyager have made me wary. I prefer a back up to the back up at the very least. Diplomatic missions don't make me relax. In my memory, they were always the most tricky of all. I salute Carey in my head.

In truth, the main issue is the baktag targ sh1t that other programmers and engineers have added on over the years. P'tak! they had no understanding of beauty and fluidity and just bolted on additions with no comprehension of the overall. I am surprised that these galaxy class ships function so well if this has been standard. I have two ensigns and a cadet with me from Geordi's complement of engineers. They are predominantly watching, and functioning purely as second hands. I need them to start working as individuals. I laugh as an image of myself as Borg Queen and them as my drones passes across my head. 'BaQa' i curse again out loud. assimilation was a bitch. Showing the ensigns the schematics and the rough bolt-ons, I set them the task of unifying the coding and fluidity for a section each. 'i don't want to be able to see what is new and what is old, they should be as one' . I grab the cadet. 'we have the joy of this section. Once we have done it, we can see how our efficiency has improved' We keep the originals online, and work alongside. The enterprise has been continually under attack by sequential orbital stations. tiny, and we can't currently pinpoint them until they start firing. Easy to destroy once we have them. Picard is raging about on the bridge, in so far as someone that controlled rages. They are like horseflies, he says. An insect that plagues you rather than kills you. They are enough to stop us easily providing back up to Chin'toka, and enough for us to know that this is a well executed plan in motion. I try not to think of Tom down there. At least the delta 3 is a ship of beauty and safety. Kathryn and Harry though, they are at risk. Damned targ baktag. Get these sensors up and running well and we will at least be able to *see* the danger. I wish Geordi had agreed to do the transporters before the warp engine though.

After two hours of near silent working, I am happy that we have reintegrated the original sensors algorhythms so that they work more efficiently and effectively. I ask whether the bridge can accept a window of sensor downtime when we swap over. I will keep the original configurations as a back up. We will need to also do some relay work, so there will be a max 15 mins downtime. it will affect targeting though. It is approved, and we all work swiftly to hardwire the changes. I inform the bridge that sensors are back online taking considerably less than 15 minutes. Ops confirm that all are working, and comment on the increased discrimination, they hope to be able to identify some of the inactive orbital defence stations that are close by. Good. I look at my team. They are proud of the changes they have made. I suggest they take 5 before we tackle the upgrades. They are surprised that these aren't the upgrades, so i give them a feral grin. 'Enterprise had targ shIt upgrades somewhere along the line, we have fixed them. Now she is working like she was supposed to do, we can make the correct upgrades.' they grin 'i hope that you now will never be such p'tak and care for your ships properly!' 'BaQa!' I swear for good measure, and grin as I hear them repeat this under their breath. Tom believes that in the future all engineers will curse in Klingon, because they will think that it is the language of engineers! He may be right. Most of the Voyager engineers curse in Kingon, and Kathryn cursed in every language. Kahless! that woman cursed more than even I. Not in front of Chakotay though, or the non engineers. The just her her polite 'damn' rather than the streams of mixed language invective. Cross training did undo that image though.

I set the systems, so on their return, the ensigns and I quickly make the upgrades. It is far easier without the baktag mess, and Enterprise is pleased. I can nearly imagine her humming as we make the changes. 'See?' as we finish 'much easier, and better clarity. Any future changes and improvements will be easier too' they nod. 'Aways back up previous configurations, and the current ones, with explanations of change' I demand as I do so. 'in future, that allows an engineer in a hurry a clear picture of what is where'. Deep in engineering, I have no idea that the Enterprise is currently being buffetted by an increased surge of weapons fire. It is such a big ship that it doesn't show, but the red alert is still cycling. I miss Voyager. I miss being part of the excitement. Kahless, I hope that we get to go out again. This time the bridge asks that we defer upgrade until further notice. I tell Geordi and the team I will go to the nursery and Miral until we are ready. Geordi confirms I have the same three engineers all day, so I set them the task of reviewing the algorythms for the transporter, as at a glance they appear to be in the same chaotic state. not to alter or meddle, just to work out where things are. When I am back, I will review their work and see whether we can improve the original configuration before we add our won improvements. I have been working on transporters since we lost Carey. Things got so crazy on voyager that I never got to make all those upgrades out there, and although Vorik has been given the specs, I am not sure whether they have tested yet.

Miral is adorable. I enter the nursery and walk over to her and immediately she is waving her arms in my direction. I scoop her up and mumble 'nuqneH sweeting' she nuzzles at me and I change her before I make myself comfortable before feeding her. She shrieks and argues as the nappy is changed, it is undignified for a Klingon warrior, and I agree. Fresh and clean I kiss her all over before redressing and holding close. I had never imagined the strength of the bond that I would have with my child. I have been anchored to the world through her. My life is hers. My mother is dead. She died in a timing that mirrors my own experience of rescuing her from Grethor. i believe we were really there, that we have made our peace. Our experience will shape that that Miral and I will share. When I hold her, I feel peace. She snuggles in, about to sleep again, so I place her in her wrap to hold her close. It leaves my hands free to pick up a PADD to catch up with the Voyager news, and see the FedNews of the mission. It keeps her close, so I can smell the sweet baby smell.

I look at FedNews, and see the diplomats, smiling, peaceful, calming. The Captain is there, in charge, and it will be OK. Harry has Chakotay's position. Tom is in the delta flyer. I don't bother to read the news, just seeing the picture. The captain is my mascot, despite her disavowing that role on the bridge as Voyager returned. She is the heroine in our story, and when I see her standing proudly, I know there is a wealth of intelligence and intuition behind the diplomats smile. Whatever is going to happen, she will be there for us, for Tom. I message Vorik about transporters. What we should have done is added to the commbadge, or some other device a personal transport enhancement. something that makes them easier to find or to take, through the mass of Chin'toka battle debris, a nebula, or even a weak forcefield. I suggest that Vorik might want to work on something like this, maybe with Seven. The Borg are good at transporters too.

There is no further messages from the code I put in Seven's regeneration unit. Either nothing more to report, or she has found and cleared it. However, there is a message from Seven herself. I am surprised, even though we have a truce and a regard for each others strengths, we are too dissimilar for friendship. We do the best we can, unified by Voyager, and more than that, Kathryn. Between ourselves, we have an understanding, a professional alliance but not a friendship. I open it and am immediately concerned. Friends or not, she needs someone. The writing isn't the Seven I know. She didn't regenerate last night as there are voices in her machine. She needs to speak to the Captain, but can't. Her thoughts are skipping. I try and arrange a call, but the Enterprise is tied up in the red alert. Instead I message her urgently, saying I will call as soon as free. Advice - speak to the doctor and Sam, you can trust both. Ask Icheb and Vorik to look at the unit. Regenerate with the portable unit we devised. Vorik can get it and re-power it for you whilst he and Icheb work on the main unit. The Captain can't take a call until the diplomacy finishes for the day, and maybe even then can only message, but I will message her too. 'Ghay'cha!' what a time for Seven to have problems. I pass on the message and response to Sam, Icheb and the Doctor and Chakotay, telling them Kathryn is out of comms currently.

That only sends when my PADD is covered with red of an incoming alert, simultaneously I am called to the bridge. 'Ql'yaH!' Tom. I don't even read, but race to the bridge. I'm an engineer, the ships schematics are imprinted. My heart is beating so fast that I believe the enterprise should thrum with the noise. BaQa! This is friendship one all over again. A supposedly straightforwards Federation mission plunging us into despair. I was so sure I had lost Tom last time, now I feel it, I feel the emptiness. Now that we have everything, the fates conspire to take it away. Shut up P'tak! I tell myself. We don't know this yet, it looks bad, but noone knows how to go against all the odds like the Voyager team. I will take this like the Klingon warrior I am. I make it there, the PADD grasped in my shaking hands, Miral asleep in the sling. As Captain Picard turns round I know that the news is bad, beyond bad. He doesn't even remonstrate that there is a baby on the bridge. He gestures me to a seat, but I am a Klingon, I will stand proudly as I meet my fate. I watch the increased weapons fire pouring at the Enterprise as his gravelly calm voice informs me that a few minutes ago they detected a massive energy release on the planet, consistent with a military explosion. He pauses, and in my mind, I am thinking 'Kathryn or Tom' over and over. I couldn't sacrifice either. Part of my mind becomes aware that I can here ops trying to call the away team. They are calling for Kathryn. So it is Tom. laughing, smiling, joking Tom, my lover, my baby's father, my soulmate.

'on screen' says Picard, and the faux meteor trails of the incoming missiles are replaced by a picture of the delta flyer landing site, or what was the delta flyer landing site. Now a crater extending several kilometers. Picard orders tactical to continue sweeping away the missiles, as with such multiples, they are gradually reducing the shield strength incrementally. Ops reviews the explosion site. i order a scan for the main elements in the delta flyer, and compare with surrounds as an overlay. There is no doubt. There is a higher concentration central to the blast, decreasing with the dissipation of the blast components in and beyond the crater site. Picard orders this image to be sent to central command, a provisional evidence of craft and life lost. I have met my fate head on, and now I am going to interrogate it.

i sit down where Captain Picard indicated and ask for permission to interface, which is agreed. Picard continues to tell me that the diplomatic team are under forcefield, and cannot be contacted and gives a rundown. I am surprised that he is reporting to me, but this will help when I contact the Captain eventually. We have patchy comms, and the Cardassian hosts are talking with Riker, who is organising their recovery of fact, securing the perimeters and the diplomatic team. He also is securing visitors such as FedNews representatives. Tactical behind me are looking at possibilities of getting shuttles to the planet, but with this amount of fire from the orbitals, this is not likely. We would need to take Enterprise, and there would be significant damage. Whoever is behind this has planned this well. They have had inordinate skills to set something up that is so complex. I can't understand how this has been achieved.

transporters! silently I curse Geordi for putting back the transporter upgrade. I interrupt Picard to announce we had started work on the transporter algorhythms, we should see how far we can improve them for rapid removal of our on planet teams if we can't get there. e confirms swiftly with Geordi, and this becomes a priority. I comm my team who send me their improvements. A glance through and i can see they have worked hard. I respond to that effect, with a few alterations. I ask Geordi if they can commence work on this and they start. when this is complete, I will have written the changes for the upgrade. As I bark orders to the team, whilst rewriting the second iteration, I start to smile. This is me.

As some comms come through on the screen, I look up and see the recorded meeting, skipping through fast. 'Stop!' I order as the Captain is seen to leave the room. Picard does so, and I rewind. It is clear that she is only half thinking about the meeting from the looks from Rovek and Gul Emen are diagnostic. There is no sound. Clearly, I can recognise her aspect, she is deep thinking. I can even see the moment that she has clarity. just before she goes out, taking Harry and Murphy with her. I forward again to her return. it is a counted return, to the second. No Harry or Murphy. I see her message, it is for me and those that can see. She knows, she has a plan, and it is covert. I then see her write on her PADD, just before communication is lost. She has a plan. I have faith.

I reach for mine, there is a message, from her. it is to go out to chakotay and Icheb and her mother, it appears the doodles of a bored diplomat, clearly coded, and states clearly that she has hopefully made a plan for Tom and Harry. Ghay'cha! she sent Harry and Murphy to the delta flyer! She knew! but that she is now at risk but prepared. I understand. She hasn't set a task, but I know her and what she will have said. Black ops for the boys if they survive. No contact at all. I send this on, with a message covering the news of the delta flyer, with the picture, assumed lost. I state that I will be working with the Enterprise for the recovery of the rest of the team. BaQa but this will hit all of them hard. Kathryn may still be alive, but she is assuredly in danger.

So, I need to tweak our newly upgraded sensors for a bit of non acknowledged searching. Then I will leave them. We need more than ever better transporter tech for superfast retrieval. I have all the information I need. I am a Klingon Engineer, this is now my battle. I search the debris field in a quantifiable way, and it is less, far less than it should be. There is a flicker of hope. Maybe she has done it! It could still be undeserved, the explosive device could have vaporised so much that my scans are not detecting the full load. I think not. I deceive, looking like I agree that this is the final resting place of the delta flyer and my husband. With him my hopes of a future. Although I desperately want to do a sensor sweep of the circumplanetary debris field, so soon this would be too revealing. Instead I stand, clearly mustering my Klingon pride and inform Picard that I will grieve once we have recovered the team. I expect no words other than mission related, and that I will be keeping Miral with me. He nods, sympathy in his eyes. He will invite me to the ready room when more facts are available. That I should add any input. I pause before saying that along with rescue of the diplomatic team, which is a high priority, we need to collect and collate evidence, because this is clearly a very well planned and extremely intelligent attack.

I stalk of the bridge, stiff legged, to join my team in the transporter room. My friend needs me now. Whether she has successfully saved my husband or not, she put his needs first, and tried.


	16. Chapter 16 - Chakotay strategises

Chakotay

The trash news certainly have enjoyed seeing Nerys and I together. I haven't followed it, but there have been plenty of image and gossip opportunities. We are good company for each other and have an easy banter, but we are predominantly working on the attack on the delta flyer. It is a small thing, but it fills me with dread. It can only presage some unimaginable disaster. Shades of the delta quadrant. Damn that Kathryn is down there without me. I hope that Harry and Mike can minimise her risk taking and self sacrifice. Back to the work in progress. Hopefully all the comms out of DS9, and we can see there is a huge spike, is making it harder to follow ours, masking our collaboration.

I have Gilmore and Lessing contacting Icheb and passing on news and instruction to contact - Tuvok if he is well enough he is good at patterns within patterns, and he might discuss Rovek; Seven, who is as good now at circumventing code and hiding her traces as Kathryn. We need to find out who this is! I contact Gretchen, who can pass things to Owen Paris but also to be a good son. It is so damn hard to have Kathryn at risk again. I wish we could just extract the team now. God dammit! What the spirits has Owen done in the past to see it come back in this fashion, and why do we have to be tangled up in it.

Nerys reports that the Enterprise has been under continual but increasing low weight attack, again concerning. It suggests there will be further escalation of violence, that there is more to come. I am sure Kathryn will be aware of the risks, and I hope that she mitigates against them.

I see the FedNews of the diplomats meeting, and avoid looking like I would smash in the face of Gul Emen. Calm down old man, she has this under control, just look at her and breathe. I need to look unconcerned and charming. We are breakfasting in public, there is quite a time difference between here and Chin'toka. Whilst we dine, and maintain a low level banter and flirtation, I am reviewing information we have received so far from the 'who the spirits' angle, whilst Nerys is liaising with the Enterprise. Enterprise forwards us more of the delta flyer data. I think we should send out a support vessel, or Starfleet should. Via circuitous routes, Owen concurs. One of those damned whales has finished their upgrade, and will swing past on a 'test flight' . I feel my jaw tighten. Captain Jack Gardner, hero of the hour, good looking, dark and handsome and with a very obvious chemistry with one Captain bloody Janeway. I snort at my own folly, it is not as if she has reciprocated, she is undeniably committed to us. Part of me, though, sees him and sees who might well have... comforted... her had I mistakenly chosen folly not faith. I am jealous of a good man because my love might have chosen him in an alternate universe. I snort at myself again, as Nerys looks enquiringly. 'hubris' I state.

'The recently upgraded USS Mariner might be swinging past' I say as if a non sequitur. She smiles, 'ooh, Captain Jack, now that is a fine man to grace a space station near me!' I sigh some more as she laughs. The laugh is definitely captured by the trashPADD alleged secret reporter who is so obvious he might as well be Talaxian. We get ready to leave when my PADD notifies me of B'Elanna sending a confidential message. I thumb and it opens with a picture of a crater. my heart stops. There can only be one reason she has sent this. Kathryn, no! I stand up, and Nerys pulls at my arm. 'Chakotay?'

As I turn, the news channel opens and she receive a hail. We both watch FedNews. There has been a bombing on Chin'Toka. 'spirits protect her' The delta flyer was targeted with massive force. As one, we turn and stride back to command centre. Nerys is talking in her communicator as we go. I breathe away the concern for Kathryn, and our team, letting Captain Chakotay, maquis tactical expert take over. B'Elanna is my eyes, ears and hands locally, but we need to be exceptionally careful with comms. I have a vast network of experts. We need to have trustable communication lines and free up the Enterprise from the increasing weapons fire. Death by a thousand hits. Fck! but we have our work cut out. I mutter a prayer to the spirits to guide me safely under my breath.

-0-0-0-

Unknown

My exponentially increased response should have hit home. Some nice easy diplomatic mission. If I possessed emotions to any significant extent, which I don't, I might have some sympathy for Captain Janeway, drawn into this as a fortuitous side casualty. It has been very pleasing to attack her first by the loss of someone who means so much to her, Tom Paris, and her faithful Ensign. A clever move on her side to send assistance to the delta flyer to see if she could get them safely off planet. Clearly she epitomises the old starfleet, she will put all her crew first. She should have ran when they had the chance. No doubt the private face of starfleet her father shew her has inculcated dogmatic persistance and an inability to succumb to failure. Not the darkness that has always lurked behind.

The second move I made was unexpectedly more successful than I could ever have anticipated with ultimately Voyager declared lost in the badlands, with that pair on board. I had thought that Gul Evek, I do so love manipulating Cardassians, that redoubtable maquis captain or the badlands themselves would have been my unwitting accomplice. I had not anticipated an alien from the delta quadrant! However, you do not decry the unexpected when it works in your favour. When it became known that they were alive, but in the delta quadrant, it hardly mattered. The clear anguish at that outcome was a small gain in itself. I had time, even seventy thousand light years worth of time. The blow had been further attempts, utilising first Ferengi and then a half mad Vedek were also unsuccessful. I dislike failure, though it adds an edge to the current game. Even I don't entangle myself with the Borg. Unfortunately, they returned. Sequestered away in starfleet command it has been difficult to make a move, and the game is only a game if they have a chance to win, so they need to be on active duty. Otherwise it is dull and dreary revenge. I could see where they may go, and in the last month I have made the most of that time, putting several different contingency plans into effect. Starfleet is predictable and suggestable. I was unsurprised.

I look with satisfaction at the FedNews showing the deep crater. Thankyou to Mrs Tom Paris for confirming components of the delta flyer unwittingly. The trashPADD images of the handsome Commander Chakotay and delectable Commander Nerys breakfasting caught the image on his PADD. It is the only thing of worth that I have ever seen in the media. I disregard the drivel about their relationship and the desolation of the brave Captain Janeway. Even they can't believe that. At most friendship, probably mild flirtation. He is utterly bonded. I have read and checked his maquis profile, and he would be a worthy opponent. However, he is crippled by that emotion. He will risk all to save his Captain. Until she is overtly threatened, he will be overly cautious. By the time he is ready, the blade will have fallen.

-0-0-0-

Icheb

Chakotay messages me about an attack on mom, I have already seen that on FedNews, however she has arrived safely. He wants me to alert the wider team, and has some suggestions on areas. As I start, I have in fairly quick succession two messages from B'Elanna, that is enough to have me peeling out of the academy, asking my fellow cadets to make my excuses. I am sure that once the news gets out, no one will expect me to be at lectures. That is my mom out there, not just my Captain. Though there is no 'just' in being my captain either. I have watched her and Chakotay at work enough to know what to do. Keep it secret and keep it safe. Whatever countermoves we make as Voyagers, we need to be so discreet that it is unclear that we are helping. Misdirection, anguish yes, but not the intelligence and activation of the networks that our command team have already established. I comm Gretchen, who has received something of her own, looking at her stoic appearance. I invite her to stay with me at starfleet, for my benefit. She agrees, I believe she was expecting this.

Back in the apartment I have been sharing with my parents, I ask the senior team and their deputies to join me via the cascade. The room fills. I place the only evidence we have so far. First order is safe comms. We agree that this level of assault is premeditated, no clear adversary. We need some Voyager team on the USS Mariner. I am amazed to hear that this is already organised, by my redoubtable mother. They are shipping out almost as we speak. A quick Voyager to Voyager comm. I am unsurprised that they are already on board and with the Captain. As I have been organising a team, so has Captain Gardner. Vorik suggests they 'test' all their different sensor arrays whilst on the test flight. Any doubts at reading, Lt Torres on the Enterprise will be able to troubleshoot anomalies.

i have seen my parents do this so often. No one steps into my place as we identify areas to work with. Vorik is going to work with seven to push transporter upgrades. At the same time I ask if he can tune up our portable regenerators, so that Seven and I have more freedom as required. Seven remains impassive, but I hope that this gives her a measure of relief. The Delaney's are going to see what they can do with anomaly scan upgrades to unobtrusively pinpoint the delta flyer using one of its minor components. We discussed the exponential growth of the orbital stations and Sam considered they may be self replicating. There is a lot of material around Chin'toka. I am going to contact Wesley crusher about Nanites, as that is our first thought for space replication.

that makes me reconsider our comms. We have to presume that they may be targeted and intercepted. Seven devises algorithm codes for different groups, and we have fixed comm pathways. She is looking alert and enthusiastic at last. She also transports up to the Mariner four PADDs she has been silently encrypting so that they communicate only with each other. One will go to DS9, one to Enterprise, one will stay on Mariner, and if they can, one to Mom.

when chakotay's message comes through, I am pleased to see similarities of priority. We will provide him with the information to use tactically to our advantage. It feels much better to have actions. I grin at our team.

'Lets do it!'

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

by the spirits I am proud of that boy. Proud of my adopted son. He has learnt well. Our voyager team might be dispersed across the alpha quadrant, but our hearts beat together. Against my will, I feel the joy of a challenge, of being in combat. I have missed the adrenaline, and it is certainly spiking now.

I turn to commander Kira and her team plus Gilmore and Lessing. We need to think carefully around the strands. I wish I knew who our opponent is. Someone with foresight and resource. However Chin'toka is currently cut of from comm updates, they must also be effectively blind. Kathryn's secret message, and how good it was to see her face, and see she is in full delta quadrant captain mode, and the disappearance of Harry and Murphy gives me hope for the delta flyer and we may need it for her rescue. We will need to distract our adversary from that possibility utilising enterprise and mariner.

I am pleased that the trashPADDS in their very obvious image of us, captured my PADD showing the crater overlaid with data suggesting the delta flyer was destroyed. There are no numbers on that image to lead to suspicion that the quantities of delta flyer were too few. In my hopes, I think that this was an escape pod left as target and decoy. Somewhere, I hope they are hiding in black ops mode, with all that overkill of shielding and armour being worthwhile. Admiral Janeway's gift keeps on giving.

Now, concentrating on freeing up our ships to act. Assuming autonomous replication around Chin'toka, there must be evidence of building, must need the raw materials. Most are readily available. Damn but the planetary system should have been cleaned. Why the hell did we so blithely agree Chin'toka? Why were we not more concerned about the debris fields? Keep on track old man!

The explosives though. Where the hell are they coming from. With a sinking heart I recall the impressive pyrotechnics of those two anomalous craft on detonation as seen through Enterprise and now we have the additional data from the delta flyer. Commander Data is still working on this too. Damn. Kathryn found no life signs, so assume drones. They fired upon cardassian ships, not ours. Damn, why didn't I see then! Whoever planned this couldn't assume the vessel we would arrive in, yet knew that if it were attacked, cardassian ships would escort. So they set the target to Cardassian. If they had not come up, or not attacked we would not be in this mess. Whoever planned this knew the Cardassian response.

Damn, Damn, there was probably one only orbital platform and a quiescent 'replicant' for want of better word, Once the drone vessels were attacked and exploded, the explosives were available, and the 'replicant' went into production. Possibly replicating more factories too, hence the exponential rise in mini orbital defences. I explain my theory to the team, once said, it is so clear. Damn! It is so clear and so predictable. we need to know what the Enterprise is firing compared with the orbital attack. It damned well isn't defending the planet now! One of Commander Kira's team sends this information to Commander Data.

'Ok, so we need to try and neutralise the replication rate. Look at removing the raw materials, can we alter what the enterprise is firing, can we neutralise the explosives in the planetary debris that are clearly being harvested. Can we copy O'Brien's trick and have these damned weapons firing on each other. We must keep the focus on the enterprise though, they clearly are not sentient machines, and have limited programming. We don't want them to find the delta flyer', if indeed it is there. Let our engineers work with this too.

I contemplate further the drones, they weren't quite configured right, we don't have access to the sensory data from the delta flyer, which would be more accurate, however, Enterprise suggest also that the two drones weren't cardassian ships. Were they something else, with a holographic appearance. This kind of deception is unusual. I ask, 'holocloaks, remind me. ' but before anyone does, I get there first. 'Romulans!' Fck! Damn! Romulans, I really hope not. Everyone goes quiet with this pronouncement. 'why though, why Romulans? Maybe someone who has this tech available?' I put this aside for now as a link to send through to Owen. It might make sense to him.

We review our immediate workstreams - damned orbital weapons, distract, destroy or remove materials. Scans - would be nice to subtly prove the delta flyer existence without alerting our adversary, look for other risks, can we identify the platform creators. Comms - seven has sent encryption, a more complicated system will arrive with the mariner if we need it still. Transporters - we need to really push our transporter tech, and as soon as we can get a lock, transport off our team. Extraction is a priority. We can finish the damned diplomacy on board the Enterprise. Chin'toka is no longer safe, if it ever was. Also, if Chin'toka is not safe, can we make any assumptions about the other half of the mission. Damn. i nod with Kira, and our teams split to liaise with the distant teams. We must come up with solutions, and fast.

Deep in me I feel a clench of dread. We are playing catch up against an unknown adversary. The next move must come soon. Kathryn, please be safe.


	17. Chapter 17 - an extraction gone wrong

Janeway

'Apologies, gentlemen,' I begin, with a small deprecating smile 'the exigencies of the day means that I regret that I have mislaid your names and designations. I am sure Lt Kim would have updated me, but ...' I smile at them again 'Glinn Dmak' a nod with the re-introduction, and then a nod to the side 'Glinn Kator' another nod. 'my tactical team say we are secure for a while longer,' I look up at Gul Emen as well 'so I suggest that we perhaps consider strategy for once we are at liberty' Rovek agrees and sits with me. 'since we are almost certainly off the record currently, can I ask why we have no legate at this meeting, would it not be normal for one to attend. I do not wish to give offence, but am looking to see the patterns behind the events' Gul Emen is staring straight at me 'this is outrageous Captain Janeway. I have been negotiating here in good faith. I have the mandate, even if I am not a legate' and he says this with a sneer. Glinn Dmak breaks in 'we were due to have a legate, the teams had been determined some time ago, however, due to the change in venue and time, the legate was still recovering from illness. Gul Emen was nominated.' interesting! I look closely at Glinn Dmak, and Deanna nods to the truth behind his statement. 'I agree,' he continues 'we should aim to combine our strategising'. Glinn Dmak appears to be taking more of a voice in the procedings, as do I.

It has been several hours now, since the shields started failing, it must be late evening or night. We have eaten half of the refreshments, I suggested restraint, since we had no idea how long we would be here. That we are still here suggests that the Cardassian hosts are in disarray, that they either can't or won't remove the shields, and that the weakening must be due to either power failures or external attack. Nothing about any versions of this scenario bodes well. Also, it means that the Enterprise has not sent out an away team for us. Either we are presumed dead, though I would still have expected investigation, or they are under attack and unable to. Damn.

However, it has given us plenty of time to analyse and strategise both together and separately. Glinn Dmek appears to be more of the strategist. We agree that there are effectively two rationales currently to work with. The first is the straightforwards, that this treaty is being indirectly contested as it threatens someone or some peoples as yet unknown. We decline to analyse this together, but with a nod, we understand we have both reviewed this assumption. Alternatively, this could be something more personally inspired. Gul Emen leers at me, whilst I shrug. I state that I no longer have personal animosity over past events. To my surprise, this is the case. However, again without analysis together, it looks clear to both of us that there is a personal element at play here, with a last minute substitution of lead negotiator to reflect my appointment. And who chose Chin'toka, if it wasn't us or them? In one of our breaks, Deanna confirms the leadership of Glinn Dmek, and his clear commitment to peace. She doesn't need to confirm anything for Gul Emen, he is as he comes.

'We don't have enough data here!' I sigh on return. However, there has been plenty of time to make suppositions. I believe that I will be the next target. It has also given me time to try and adapt our PADDS whilst we have carried on the discussions. I'm not sure why we never did this before, but it seems that as long as they stay within fairly close distance - I am not entirely sure of range - that I can stream from one to another and remain synchronised. Having taken the current shield into consideration, I am also trying to make away for the PADDS to stay in contact through a shield, at least in some elementary format. currently I am looking at a low amplitude pulse that I can vary through morse code with a key strike. Our Cardassian colleagues are bemused by the table full of PADD components, mine Rollins and Ayala's. I will leave Rala's to continue working as planned. The table is organised chaos, and I am ready to piece things together. When we get back from this, I have a few more ideas, but this will do for now. I eye the appalled expressions reviewing my work. They have never seen me with a replicator. I also grin, knowing that my hair is a mess, my makeup awry and I am not at all cowed at being confined with a group of Cardassians, one of whom oversaw my previous captivity.

Ayala signals that there is further change in the shield harmonics. This is the moment then. I have another message on my PADD hoping to take any opportunity for upload to the enterprise. It clearly details our diplomatic outcomes to date, a section for our joint strategising with the leadership potential of Dmek, and encode a small personal message at the end. I think that if they want to try transporters out, they could consider transporting something small and inanimate first. perhaps a PADD. I swiftly complete the reconfiguration of the PADDS. 'Report' I snap, and Ayala briefs all of us as to the plan. Rollins and Rala will defend the antechamber if it is required, Ayala will be attempting communication with Enterprise, and he will be coordinating a final defense for us, we are all armed. We are prepared as best as we can be.

As the shields fail, there is no sound of weapons fire from the antechamber, just standard being spoken. It is our hosts, rather than a further hostile attack. I can see from my PADD that there is an upload in process. I ask to be patched through to the Enterprise, but I can already hear Picard comming through my communicator. 'Janeway here'

'Captain Janeway, do you have a report'

I have a quick run through sending Lt Kim with Murphy back to the delta flyer without giving reason, and that we are all uninjured, and the preliminary agreement is on our PADD, for upload. There are a few additional items to work through. I ask whether it is possible to transport us from the surface, and, with some trepidation for a report.

'I must apologise that this is not possible at this time Captain Janeway. Our engineers are working on a solution. Nor is it possible to send a further shuttle down to the surface. We are facing an increase in orbital hostilities. Currently there is no safe movement in or out of Chin'toka. We will update you at 0800 tomorrow of any developments. I apologise that I must also be the bearer of unwelcome information.' I know what must be coming, and school my face tightly into the Captain's mask

'the explosion on Chin'toka was centered on the last known position of the delta flyer. There is no evidence that the delta flyer escaped the explosion, and there is evidence of it's components in the debris field. Moreover, until the shield around you lifted, there were no human lifesigns present on Chin'toka. I am sorry for your loss, Captain.'

I have listened carefully, to try and hear both what is and isn't being said. I have still only my hope that the delta flyer with my people escaped. Captain Picard has not dulled that hope. He has been exceptionally specific.

'Thankyou for your report, Captain. Please extend my condolences to Lt Torres Paris on the Enterprise, and all other family members as they are apprised of the terrible loss of such exceptional starfleet personnel. I will visit personally when circumstances permit' the line goes quiet 'i believe we are being moved to secure accommodation for the rest of the night. Tomorrow we will complete our diplomatic mission, and look to leave as is possible. Please keep me informed of any developments. Janeway out'

I pause, and allow Rala to move me out with the whole diplomatic team to our secure accommodation. The journey takes us through part of the building that allows me for the first time to see the devastation from the explosion aimed at the delta flyer. It is enormous. I have no idea what explosion could have made such a crater and yet buildings are still standing at the edge. I pause, letting my emotion clearly show, whilst more surreptitiously scanning the area with tricorder and recording it onto my PADD. I will review another time. for now, I feel my adrenaline high decrease, and with it my resilience. I wish for the comfort of Chakotay, even his voice if I can't have his presence. I have to believe that the delta flyer made it. They had to.

The cardassian security is eager to get us safely placed, and clearly on high alert so close to the detonation site, so I wave them an apology and before long we are shown to secure rooms. I elect that our contingent would all like to share, much to their horror, As a compromise, we split according to gender with interlocking rooms. The tactical team confirm them as being the original choices, so still a potentially known target. Two planetary security are assigned to the entrances. Needless to say, we will sleep in allocated watches, Rala and Rovek the first watch and myself and Rollins the second, leaving Ayala alert to face the coming day. Deanna confirms that there is no hostile intent that she can feel, this has been the case all along. It strengthens my opinion that our protagonist is using a version of drone weaponry and pre-planted devices. This does give them less manoeuvering if we deviate from script, and I strongly think that we should be doing this. Sleeping here is a mistake.

-0-0-0-

Picard

'make it so' I announce to my team.

As we move to our posts, I reassess strategy again.

Lt Torres-Paris has made significant improvements to the transporter capabilities, first by cleaning the programming, and then adding the efficiencies brought back from the delta quadrant. Le Forge has seized upon these, and together they have created some additional subroutines for either extending range or power. Unfortunately we are limited to either or. However, they are both ready to trial transport to or from Chin'toka. I am cognisant of the need to mask our abilities currently, and although very keen to extract the team at the earliest opportunity, I do wish to do this safely. She stands ready to make the initial trial.

The orbital stations that are attacking us, Riker and Data presented us with an intriguing solution. Having run the scenario, it appears that it may well be effective. It is only necessary for us to separate the Enterprise, so that we minimise risk. Our scanners have not found any vessels around Chin'toka, cloaked or otherwise. The USS Mariner is on it's way to support. Can we wait that long? I do not believe that to be the case. Riker certainly doesn't. Like Chakotay, he has a very vested interest. He has been filled with barely controlled passion since the first firing.

I stand on the bridge, and await the signal. We will trial both simultaneously at the same time as we initiate a huge comms burst.

0800

'it is time' I know a PADD is being exchanged, and the first assay to combat the orbital attack replication is deployed. Our comms are in progress, with large updates from the remaining Fed News team, who should be currently interviewing the diplomatic team and we will stream this to DS9 and onwards. Also some frantic messages passed to and from DS9 and to the PADDS on the planet.

'On screen' I see our diplomats announcing that they have continued discussions and made the preliminary agreements that will enable Cardassia to commence the process of joining the Federation. I am impressed, there are a number of significant changes Cardassia must make. The team appear well, in fact they appear more than well. I am relieved to see them all. Torres-Paris signals Data from the transporter room that the PADD transfer has been successful. I see via the streamed news, the tactical officer pass a PADD to Captain Janeway. Part one complete. Since there are a number of movements from the diplomatic team, I hope that Chakotay is deciphering any messaging required.

On my screen I can see the arc of our trial projectile into the zone of the orbital platforms, and immediately multiple weapons discharge fire against it until it is exploded. I believe we have our decoy.

'Number one!' I bark 'initiate operation exodus' I watch as just over one thousand altered escape pods arch from Enterprise along numerous different trajectories into the debris field. The view is obliterated as multiple strikes hit the planned targets, carefully given a warp signature, with no potential explosives on board. The saucer segment move to a secure distance.

It is a beautiful sight, and a logical answer to the conundrum of the replicating orbital platforms. It should give us a window of opportunity to extract our team, and ideally locate the delta flyer. We still have at least half the escape pods in the debris field as the weapons discharge starts to slow. this means that transport should now be possible. I pace on the bridge.

'Report' I expect to hear from the transporter room.

'we have all the non-cardassian bio-signatures, and beaming aboard. We have also identified the cardassian diplomats by proximity, sir' Torres responds 'at this distance and difficulty, we can only beam singly and cannot identify who until they arrive.'

'have you got her yet' I wonder which 'her' I am prioritising. I know which one Torres-Paris is.

'no captain, we are continuing as swiftly as possible, sir' the words are bitten out.

Damn. Would it have been too much to ask that she had arrived first? 'divert all energy to transporter' I command

'We have also two of the cardassian diplomats, but there appears to be increased interference, sir' I can hear the strain in her voice. 'we have one cardassian, two humans and an Andorian remaining on the planet. We have Deanna and Rovek, sir' I feel some of the tenseness released from Riker. I do not forget that it is his beloved that is also part of the diplomatic team. We have her safe. I just need Janeway. Two First Officers, and two beloved women on damned Chin'toka.

'keep trying lieutetnant, if possible, prioritise our diplomats' Damn, I need them to have extracted Captain Janeway. 'Data, any further information' Having transported up the FedNews team, we now have no planet-side visuals. I want whatever monitoring is available

'We have the monitor feed, Captain', I see his hands flashing over the panel, more analysis, and further review. I hope that he can acquire the delta flyer and pass those coordinates to Torres-Paris.

'on screen' and there, through rather distorted visuals are our cardassian hosts. Behind them I can see only Janeway, the Gul and two cardassian security agents. I can see that there is concern and much gesticulation, I note Janeway pulling out her phaser and guarding the Gul from a defensive position behind a large urn. 'Torres' I shout 'now' As I watch most of the cardassian security rather swiftly disabled, whether stunned or Killed is not clear. Janeway is clearly outnumbered and unsupported.

Our transmission gets cut off, and I Data announces that the subspace transmission enhancer has exploded, he is trying to accommodate. Damn! Damn! we are deaf and blind. 'did we get her?' but I know, oh, I know.

'no, sir' says Torres-Paris, 'I am trying everything, sir' I can sense the strain 'geordi!' I roar as I order him to assist.

Our scans detect a second explosion, as large as the first. I do not need to look. 'Damn! assess and report!' I wheel into the conference room to have a difficult conversation with one Commander Chakotay and then I will report to Admiral Paris. I lost her.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

It is as if I watch through the eyes of a stranger. I am no longer present.

His heart is turned to ash.

He will rend the universe apart.

It is too overwhelming to comprehend.

'wait!' says Nerys, reaching out for him as he stumbles away from the comm screen.

He waited for seven years, there is nothing left to wait for.


	18. Chapter 18 - the Knights errant prepare

Tom Paris

Hell, but I have never been happier to see anyone than Harry and Murphy as they race in. They already know the score, so when we first feel the whine, we already have dropped the escape pod filled with replicated organic matter and with a holo-emitter of a delta flyer, which we hope will confuse for long enough. We quickly cover with the ablative armour and our advanced multi-adaptive shielding as I hot start her and we shoot up just as the whine crescendo's. As we speed within the atmosphere to the pole before escaping the atmosphere, I give a hope and prayer that we have not been visualised. We should hide from any scan, but direct visuals, maybe not. We barely made it. The debris from the explosion hit the delta flyer as we moved out of the main explosion zone.

We give in to a pause at the outer reaches of the atmosphere above the pole, where we are least likely to be detected. We receive no comms, and no sign of being scanned. Looking over at our previous parking spot shows a huge crater. Hell, I look at Harry, and see my feelings mirrored there, shaken. Without the prescient powers of our mascot, we would have been smeared across several kilometers. All hail Captain Janeway!

Then out relief hits us. we laugh crazily and hug each other. Whooping and screaming. We are alive, against the odds. Harry's grin must be one of my favourite things. 'good going Buster! couldn't have done it without ya!' Johnson seems uncertain, standing apart whilst Harry and I dance with Murphy and I drag him up. 'by the end of this, you are going to be part of the Voyager collective' I say with a grin 'resistance is futile' parodies Harry. I swear that he looks more worried than honoured.

Now we are maintaining comms silence, hidden in a debris cluster with ablative armour on, multiphasic shields and hiding our minimal emissions. We are running as black as we can. Harry and I have sat and debated our best next moves with Murphy and occassionally Johnson interjecting. Harry brought just the bare outline from the Captain, as he had to skedaddle out of there. But it is mostly sit tight, don't let anyone find us, don't jump out too quick to rescue her, the Enterprise can do that. Don't be flushed out.

I find it very hard not to let B'E know we are still alive, hell! after the adrenaline of today, I just want her. But... I guess that the best way of staying alive is complete silence. Our scans our working, and we can see the fire haze that is attacking the Enterprise. Our ablative shielding would keep us safe on approach, but I am not sure the amount of damage would allow us to return to the planet if we are needed for extraction. Clearly, it would also signal to whoever that they had failed, and they may be more cautious or more aggressive in their next steps. Currently, in our playing dead status, we have become a secret weapon.

The day passes. Harry continues to work on the scans and patching into any comms he can. Murphy was part of Tuvok's cross training programme, and Harry has him adjusting relays. I see messages, he is shaking his head and using different analysis. At least they have got something to keep him sane. Johnson and I carry on helping him or feeling useless. Thank God the captain sent Harry and Murphy to us. I get Johnson to look with me at the orbital platforms attacking the Enterprise. Looking for patterns of restitution. I know Commander Data will be doing this too, but if we use some of our additional scanning resources, perhaps we can see other pockets of activity. It also keeps us busy and talking. Johnson has this as part of his tactics training, and we get chatting about our backgrounds and history. He just sees me as a bad boy, return of the prodigal. He admits to being impressed over my flying, but can I lead, he challenges. I go to make a quip about how he should damn well hope so, and then bite it back. 'fair point' I state quietly. I try and limit my thoughtfulness over the past, but looking back over the seven years, despite my command red, I was never left in charge of a shift, like Harry, my strategic decision making was questioned with the Moneans. I don't know. Did the Captain truly see me as command material, or just a damned good pilot, medic and friend. I let those thoughts linger, and the answer is clear. 'I can command' I say quietly.

Finally! Harry shows us some news. The Captain is still alive! I see the transmission that is aimed for the Enterprise. I see her signal, and that B'E will see that she has aimed to save us. Harry is trying to piggyback something into the Enterprise signal. For our cleanest, he is certainly running through more curses than I thought possible. The engineers corrupted him after all. He shakes his head. 'not this time captain proton, but maybe next'

'better be Buster, we do need some form of comms.' I pat his shoulder. We are tired and heartsick. We had thought to leave this treachery behind in the delta quadrant.

Taking turns to sleep, I get the honour of seeing the transmission of the diplomatic team as sent by FedNews appear on the screens, shouting at the others to wake. Harry fixes his piggyback in, aimed at Ayala and Enterprise. It gives a very narrow width comms band. We watch as the shimmering blue starts to take people. It looks like the Enterprise is finally transporting them out. As I turn to tell Harry we are going home his jaw drops and I turn round, in time to see the weapons fire. The Captain drags Gul Emen behind some ornamental monstrosity, as she returns phaser fire. She looks cool and determined. The leader in many away missions, I have complete confidence in her ability to fight her way out. As I fix my attention on her, she looks up at where the monitor is, she looks straight and mouths what is a final message. No! I don't. want. to see. it. She says 'love you'. I see her fall. Damn her, her and her impossible expectations, her sacrifice. My tears mean I nearly miss the final word. It is 'stay'. The transmission shorts out as there is a subspace explosion, comms from the planet is down, as is our hidden communication with the Enterprise.

'Tom! we've got to go in, we have to save her!' shouts Harry, I can see he is going for the transporter beam.

'Belay that lieutenant' I shout the order. He looks at me with desperation, but I saw her last word. It is for this she gave the original orders. 'Belay that' I say more quietly. He stops his internal struggle, though I can see the cost in his eyes. She has trained us well, we absolutely obey the chain of command. Particularly when she has initiated it. We look at each other. 'at ease' I say. In this moment I am commander not friend.

A silence spreads out across the delta flyer.

A PADD materialises, I take it.

The explosion is visible on Chin'toka.

-0-0-0-'

Seven

I observe the PADD in front of me, delivering the message from the Captain. She sent me this message. I am important to her. I can breathe again. I will resist the voice. I have irrefutable proof. We have a bond.

Since Icheb first called a meeting, I have been following all the news channels, desperate for news of the Captain, to catch sight of her face, of her smile. I scan all reports, absorbing her images from early in her career to our triumphant return to the alpha quadrant. She is there, serious or smiling. I stream the live broadcasts and watch her walk, her talk. Whenever I am not involved in my work, I surround myself with Captain Janeway. My need to grab every reference and I am reading the throwaway stories. I do this where others cannot see me, cannot watch.

I smile with Icheb, while inside me my second voice points him as 'her son'. Gretchen Janeway nearly fills the space, gracious, fiercely intelligent and maternal. I feel reinvigorated for the planning and delivery of improvements, that are sent through as we update them to DS9 and onto the Enterprise. T'Len is a suitable companion, and I am more comfortable with Vulcan social graces. I believe that I consider her to be a friend.

Reading the publically generated profiles of Kathryn Janeway is not all positive. I hadn't seen the images of their weekend leave. I had hoped Chakotay would take me to beaches. I have a brief charge of anger. The gossip PADDs also blaze pictures of Chakotay escorting Commander Kira. The way she rests her hand on his arm, proprietorial. The way he smiles at her, insinuating intimacy. I am angry. I do not comprehend that he has been restrained throughout our delta quadrant journey, having dalliances but not overlapping. Now he is behaving like a crewman, and has confused me as to where his love and priority lies. I find I am now angry on the Captain's behalf. I will desist from further romantic assignations until I understand better the parameters of normal.

I concentrate on my analysis. Via others, Harren and I have confirmed that under current transporter configurations, the transporter capabilities are at maximum. The reconfigurations that Lt Torres took with her are the current optimum. However, Harren and I are looking at something different. We are looking at a heuristic analysis of communications run through since we returned to pinpoint any linkages with Cardassia, Starfleet control, and on a hunch, Romulus. We are also particularly looking for communications that use multiples of relays or have one point that appears significantly more isolated. Together we are designing the viral programme, which when released should trawl through the significant data to find items of interest. Since we are all minimising comms, I am not aware of all the details, but I believe that he may have utilised Barclay. He is an odd man, but significantly skilled with comms and bootlegged signals. His mind is unpredictable, so ideal to introduce chaos into the system. I had not realised that in his younger years Harren had been adept at infiltration of encrypted systems, before he became enamoured of Schlezholt's Theory and cosmological mathematics. This programme he develops needs to be swift, intelligent and leave no traces. Even so, it will be some time, if at all, that this will bear fruit. Since Harren is using large mathematical processes in the metacomputer as part of his cosmological research, he hopes that this will be unnoticed.

Indeed, Harren is expecting to go unnoticed, as he has done over many years. I wish our conversations could be direct rather than circumspect and through less prominent voyager crewmembers. Mostly Billy and Tal, being those that he has always maintained a conversation with. I would that we had the opportunity to interact. He is surprisingly interesting. I did not appreciate his intellect or compatability on voyager, only noticing his inefficiency as part of the collective. However, now I appreciate his continued support of the Captain, that despite his differences he is still part of our collective of individuals. That the passion which made him inefficient is now beneficial. The Captain's lessons have sometimes been oblique to me, especially when they concern favouring and encouraging individualism at what appears to be the expense of efficiency of the collective. Now I am starting to understand the benefits of individuallism.

We are all in this together, and we have to count on each other, no matter how hard it gets. We are Starfleet Voyagers.

-0-0-0-

Tom Paris

The PADD that B'E sent us was Ayala's, and has intermittently received a biphasic pulse from another PADD, -/- , ka-thryn. We have responded with a single then biphasic pulse -/.. , which we hope she realises is tom/pa-ris. It isn't the triphasic pulse that she always wanted to hear, but he is on DS9 and no doubt thinking of her. I have also signalled 'stay safe' in morse. Now we just respond, assuming it is safe when she sends a pulse. There is Rollins and Rala's PADDs on Enterprise. B'E holds one of these. They receive the same pulses as they are not private. I know this, because at the first pulse:biphasic, there was a third signal triphasic:biphasic . Somehow just those pulses mean the world to me. They must mean more to the Captain. She is not alone.

It also had a quick update of the current position of Enterprise and the orbital arrays, the partially successful extraction, Voyager works progressing and Picard's suggestion for a variety of possible outcomes. We, unfortunately have the second. The Captain wasn't extracted and sleight of hand makes it appear that she is tragically lost.

'report' I snap . In the last day fun loving Tom falls away. I am the officer that the Captain always saw. There is no ease now, only duty.

Harry confirms that the Chin'toka explosion was at the Captain's last coordinates and has an analysis of explosives used. It matches the explosion on the delta flyer, but it is hard to identify the combustables as they are not standard starfleet or cardassian . However, inevitably, the programme will identify them. Further scan of the planet identifies no further similar explosive signatures.

Murphy has been searching the planet for a likely place that the Captain has been taken. Using all the different modalities, there are only three potential areas. They have unusual anomalies, the appearance of a shield, again not standard, and odd modulations. He and Johnson search for generators to disrupt for a quick transport away. All three areas are under surveillance. They make plans and subplans. refining, honing, each signal may pinpoint location, waiting for a sign, waiting for confirmation. Ultimately, her life will fall to us. We will be ready.

Harry has an idea. If, and only if, she has something on her that was replicated or came from the delta quadrant, it may show as anomalous on the scan. He has been scanning everything on the delta flyer, though this one was built entirely in the alpha quadrant, he scans the PADDS - also alpha quadrant, and he scans us. I am sure I was made in the alpha quadrant.

The PADD sends its biphasic pulse. ka-thryn. I tap back tom/pa-ris . or is it I love you. You are not alone, Captain.

-000-

 _I thought May 20th was a good day to be alive. Sorry for letting you wait to find out!_


	19. Chapter 19 - a family affair

_sorry for the huge delay! I thought I had published this one, and was stressing that the next chapter taking so long. family, work, exams, will finish! Thankyou Ginford for polite prompt! means the next chapter should be quicker._

-0-0-0-

Gretchen Janeway

How can it be that so soon, Katie is lost. I shouted and cried at Owen. In fact, I shouted at every single admiral I know, and Alynna damned near cried with me. I sat with Owen in Katie's apartment, surrounded by the images of her triumphant walk around the crew on the walls, and on her desk are images of her with chakotay, with us and with Icheb. She has two families that love her and will fight to get her back. I demanded of Owen to know how such a small diplomatic mission to such a destroyed planet should have gone so spectacularly wrong. Then I hug him. His son was there too, it is Tom's ship that has exploded. It feels worse, this time.

We are consoling each other when Icheb returns from the Academy. I guess this time katie has left me something, she has given me Icheb, a real gift.

Icheb is surprised to find Owen here, and immediately goes starfleet with salutes, but Owen tells him that as Katie's son, off duty, we are all family. He goes to change out of uniform, and when he returns, I am surprised to find him laying the table for all three of us. A simple spicy bean stew. Katie's only edible dish. He looks at us both.

'you are aware that we are all working to get mom home?' I nod as we tuck in, as I would have to be blind, deaf and stupid as well as old not to notice the troop of voyagers that meet here, and the persistent comm chime. It goes off so often that I am surprised Icheb can make sense of it all. I guess having once been Borg, he can filter out the noise. 'well,' and he is clearly considering what to share 'we are making progress' I tell my brain not to hope, better to just exist 'mom trusts you, Admiral Paris and I have no other data to rely on. I need to know if you have made any progress with Commander Chakotay's suggestion'

I look at Owen, who is shocked 'no!' he says quickly 'Gretchen, Chakotay asked me to consider whether this attack could be personal to me, although Katie is the obvious target, my son is out there too'

'i see' Icheb is cautious 'we suggest that there are two possibilities, both must have been embedded for some time. Either an extraordinary AI or a strikingly cohesive collective to have maintained secrecy over this time'

'not Romulans then?' Owen queries

'we have considered an aggressive species seeking to destabilise the Federation, and it is possible. However, this mission and the overwhelming counterforce do not seem appropriate for that goal. Certain elements of the attacks suggest that the adversary is utilising a mixture of technologies, of which some have elements similar to known Romulan capabilities'

'Borg?'

'again, they would definitely have this capability, and again some of the postulated technology, such as the replicating or regenerating orbital arrays are suggestive. However, the overall modus operandii is significantly outside of Borg norm.' he smiles 'I think myself or Seven would have more awareness if it was Borg' though i can immediately see his eyes cloud at that thought.

'However,' Icheb continues 'once we understood that the adversary had to have been in a position to act with pathways present from voyagers return, it was clear that these pathways must have been present for some considerable time. to achieve the full force of this current action, the adversary must have had access to yours or Mom's sealed starfleet records. Chakotay says that Mom did not know that there were such detailed records. My third consideration, therefore, has been that the adversary might be you, Admiral Paris'

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

Nerys tells me to wait, and somehow I function to turn back to her. Picard believes Kathryn lost. Nerys wants me to review the data streams. Futile now. It is my vision quest. My wolf guide had shown me a landscape of war and turmoil, of ash and devastation. I am within it. In my quest I walked the path, confident in Kathryn. I must walk the path in life now.

'commander chakotay' Commander Kira barks 'do your duty!' my head starts up, and there is a pulse of anger in me. 'this' she whispers harshly 'is your Kathryn. She needs you to look at this to see what she is saying. Look!' I close my eyes for a moment and reopen. She is right. This is Kathryn, she has survived when there has been seemingly no hope before. 'show me' I growl.

Sitting, looking at the images is painful. However, Nerys is right, there is more to see. There appears to be something that surprises Ayala, mostly masked by his position to the back of Kathryn, but that he then gives his PADD to Kathryn not as an exchange is revealing to me. As soon as she gets it, Kathryn signals three beats. 'chakotay' . there is something for me. I note when the team starts to be transported away. Why not Kathryn? Several times I wonder whether they have a lock. The newscast fails as presumably they are transported to the enterprise.

I sit, and ask Gilmore for an explanation. We rewind and forward the images until we are certain we see it. something appears to land on Kathryn and Gul Emen. Both of them make an action similar to brushing away. Nerys will pass this back to the Enterprise. Is this a Borg nanoprobe variant? Is this an AI development. Something for Icheb to review with Wesley and Seven. I already know from Icheb that there are no further transporter adjustments to make. However, we need to consider the nanobots or whatever those damn things are.

We get the following upload from the room monitor from the Enterprise to review, but there is a request from Enterprise for a private channel from B'Elanna. I go into a private office, and the first thing I notice is B'E holding an outrageous stance. It takes me a moment before I recall. Tak Tak. As if to remind me B'E faces and places her hands on her hips. i speak. 'do not insult me B'E, we have lost them.' I do not have to dissemble, there are tears in my eyes as I reach out to her on the screen. 'Chakotay' she sobs 'I have been so alone here, it has been so hard' she signals with her fist ka-thryn, to emphasise. I have no idea why she still knows Kathryn is alive. Is it just hope? She tells me about Ayala, so devastated that he can't face me over the comm, that he failed in his mission. Her voice hitches. As she hugs a murmuring Miral, and in adjusting her position also signals tom/pa-ris . She has evidence that the delta flyer made it! I nearly show joy, but close my eyes to hide it until she starts talking. The Enterprise has nearly cleared a path to go down closer and send an away team to search the second explosion site. They hold out little hope, and at that point Rovek is pushing that the Enterprise returns to DS9 before continuing this mission.

I don't need to dissemble, I am truly shocked. 'leave? leave! how can they leave. Surely they need to stay, to tear the planet apart to look for evidence. Leave!'

'Chakotay,' she begs 'we are not in charge here, talk to Owen, maybe the Mariner can take over?' and she signs whilst moving Miral, 'hope, conceal, covert bird.' Most of these are Talaxian additions or hibrid with maquis, and so subtle. I am proud of her.

'B'Elanna, I am proud of you, proud of how hard you have tried.' I take a deep breath to bite it out 'She would be proud of you. tell that idiot Ayala that I know how hard he worked. he is my brother. When you come to DS9, we will grieve together' . I nod, and we shut the line.

I turn away, my eyes hooded, not wanting to reveal anything. We are presuming every contact might be caught and noted. But I know that she is alive. B'E is confident that currently she is alive. My heart would sing except, we also know that they don't know where she is. She is concealed. i know in my heart that the tide has turned. B'E is right, and presumably the Enterprise senior team. We need covert ops now. Take the pressure off Chin'toka and allow delta flyer to find and extract. Sooner the best. I cannot forget who she is trapped with. Kathryn, keep strong, we are coming.

I leave the private space and rejoin the ops centre on DS9. I have a role to play. We need to find our adversary and leave Tom and Harry to rescue Kathryn. My life will be Tom's again, though we stopped keeping count years ago. At least I did. I am desperate for B'E and Ayala to join me. I need family.

Lessing immediately talks me through their analysis. He is leaving no opportunity for me to show further weakness. I was wrong, I have family here too. I put my hand on his shoulder, and I am sure we both think of her, and tells me that this was an old fashioned firefight. No evidence of any other technologies. I watch as she signs her love and as she starts to fall before the signal was lost. I nearly miss her signal to stay. She hasn't lost hope.

I think we should stop working on this aspect. I need the delta flyer to be able to identify and rescue her. We need to make sure in the future we have some encrypted comms that we can rely on. We need to re-look at transporter technology, something more personalised for away missions. We need to have something that will identify and overcome this nanotechnology. When the Enterprise joins us we need to damn well finish this mission. I will argue to go to Dorvan in her place. In her honour.

There are further incoming messages, and I manage these quickly, correlating facts, obtaining the overview. Discussing with Rovek and Picard, taking her place. Icheb's all is more unusual. To start with he has a black eye, acknowledged by Gretchen to have been delivered by Owen.

'for spirits sake Icheb! what have you been doing?' I am shocked, and angry, to tell the truth. Here we are, officially learning that Kathryn is dead, and then having her resurrected and meanwhle back on Earth, two people who should be working together are instead fighting. 'what the hell happened? report!' it is a command. I am completely bemused by the answer, and have to speak carefully to control my temper, with painful enunciation 'you accused Admiral Paris? Of the unconfirmed deaths of his own son? His protege? treason to starfleet?'

Icheb stands proudly at attention 'yes sir'

'What the hell possessed you?' The anger is clear in my voice. 'I am presuming that there is no evidence to this, just your *logic*' and I sneer out these words. I let Icheb explain his rationale. 'so clearly then' again sarcasm 'it must be a credible admiral who has always, and I will repeat that, always, been supportive of Captain Janeway?' I gaze at him, and then tell him that it will be up to Admiral Paris to determine whether there will be any consequences further, or whether his circumstances will give him leniency. 'dismissed'

I sit back in my chair, as Owen comes onto the viewscreen. Unfortunately, he knows none of the subtle sign language that Icheb and I have been passing too and fro as his dressing down was in progress, and I am going to have to hope that he can persuade Owen. Instead, I report formally to Admiral Paris, first updating him to the failed extraction of Captain Janeway and the subsequent explosion, that she is presumed lost. I see Owen stagger back and put up his professional guard. This is not the news he was expecting.

Officially, this mission is now officially a disaster of significant proportions, with currently 5 starfleet officers missing, presumed killed, and one bastard cardassian Gul as well as unknown numbers of local civilians and security. A planet has been the subject of terrorist activity, its communications restricted, and planetary access made near impossible. our adversary is skilled, dangerous and effective. I am damned proud that we voyagers are not naive fools. We were caught out over the Chin'toka defences, but I have hope that we will pull out everyone still. We just now need to master misdirection.

We briskly discuss the next steps, the Enterprise will investigate and rendevous with the Mariner here on DS9 before completing the two part mission. Whilst talking, Owen's commbadge is calling incessantly, so he gives it to Icheb, who in the background can tell all callers that Admiral Paris is on a mission time sensitive call, and will yes, absolutely report to command central once it is complete, and will have further information.

Completing my report to Owen, I surprise him again by requesting, as First Officer, to continue the mission of my Captain to Dorvan. I know that they are going to want Picard to do it, but it matters to me. It matters that this remains a Voyager mission.

'let me do it, Admiral, in memory of my Captain, to complete her last mission'

I hear the sob from Gretchen, and am more than sorry that she is still in the dark. Icheb can't let her know whilst the vidcomm is in use, we have no idea of our adversary's reach. It seems far enough already, and this is a comm call that is just asking to be eavesdropped. Indeed, that is my hope. Paris promises to put it to the others, and I believe it will be positive. He signs off and immediately transports out before hearing any message of hope. I am left with Icheb, who has Gretchen in his arms. I cannot say all the things in my heart and head, instead I just beg them to 'be strong' and that 'we are family'. I sign off.

I hope that somewhere the adversary is laughing, because they haven't got as much to laugh about as they think. Damn but we will get Kathryn back. All through our journey, I imagined losing her over and over. Mostly I would torture myself with imagining her broken body in my arms as I brought her home. The devastation i felt at losing her today. It would have been survivable out there. As wrong as it may appear to others, we were right to keep professional, as hard as that was. I push aside my multiple images of a dead Kathryn, and I have enough near misses to base this on. Keep strong Kathryn. I cannot bear that you may be trapped somewhere with the person that once tried to break you. His kind of breaking will not work now.

I turn back to the command centre on DS9. There is plenty for me to do, to coordinate, to take Kathryn's place as the central node on our subtle web of interest and expertise.

-0-0-0-

Gretchen Janeway

Today I have been to hell and back. I overheard that Kathryn had died, then Icheb contradicts this. I have no idea what the game with Owen was about. I have shut down my emotions until this is all played out. Instead I will aid Icheb, as I once aided Edward. I see him coordinate half conversations, as the changing needs are pulsed out through networks, channels and direct conversations. When Katie came back, the genetically programmed part of me longed for her to pass on her genes, a child to show that she had existed. I sit here and am shamed by the smallness of that vision. She has already passed on so much. She has made her mark on all these people that love her, that work as she would wish them too, inspired by her to use their talents. She has Icheb, clearly the son of her brain and heart even if not of her body. She doesn't need a child to validate her existence, to give it meaning. I am so damn proud. Should she be lost, I have the very essence of her in these people. Just as the pathfinders are my wider family, so will they be. I am not resigned to her loss, but at least this time, at least this time I will be able to see her purpose.

Katie, wherever you are now, I am so proud of you.

I hug two sisters, much more subdued than normal, who come to discuss a tweak to sensors that B'Elanna might use. I sit with Seven, and finally get to know her, and start to see her with Katie's eyes. Seven and her Aunt have left their relationship unjoined. There was too little there. I can see her yearning for family, and the disastrous interlude with Chakotay has had repercussions that she didn't anticipate, and are still unresolved. I can start this for Kathryn, and treat her like another daughter of mine. She is just a frightened child with adolescent needs in an adult body that was Borg. She needs a mother and I am here. I am here to save Seven.


	20. Ch 20 - the adversary claims the game

_Sorry, lots of family things, bank holiday and work stress [exam on friday] have given me writers block over the next few chapters. I may well come back and change. by next weds life should straighten out a bit and I can play catch up and finish this epic! ty fpr staying with me._

-0-0-0-

I am cautious as I wake up, but a quick systems check and I don't appear to have sustained significant damage, though I do feel as if I have been the loser in one of chakotay's sparring sessions. My neck and head are both sore, and my shoulders. I am more than relieved to find myself still in uniform, as by this time the last time I was held by Cardassians, and I am presuming I am being held by Cardassians at this juncture, I had lost much of my clothing. I even have the PADDs in the jacket, though no weapons. rewind Janeway, I have the PADDS? what kind of hostage takers would leave me PADDs? I do a proper stock take. I haven't got a commbadge, I wasn't wearing my voyager pin thank goodness. Hidden, nestled close, I still have a chronometer, I can't help a smile at that, for the association.

Starfleet training takes over, and I have scouted the small quarters, nothing useful, no obvious in or out, suggesting I was transported in. Unusual, especially since the enterprise clearly failed to get a lock. I am not certain, even looking at the chronometer, which is on voyager time, how long I have been unconscious. I feel mildly hungry, my bladder is full but not uncomfortably so, so perhaps 4 hours? I notice the 'convenience' and use it, handy to keep time. I check and wind the chronometer, calling this hour zero. I have a means of counting time, and now I can review the PADDs.

I turn over the PADDS, and making an abrupt decision, thumb one so it comes back to life. It is mine, it should now be sending out a stream of information. I wonder who is receiving it. There is no obvious response. I hesitate, and then, carelessly, whilst opening the other PADD I tap my call. I take a deep breath. They might not be able to receive it. They may not have their PADD on hand. They might not know what... and my thoughts are interrupted by what can only be Tom Paris, shortly followed by B'Elanna Torres.

I sit and hold still, letting my eyes closed so that I can keep from clearly demonstrating that I have had news. I could sit and breathe for a number of reasons. hysterical sobbing or punching the air, too obvious. They are alive, well, Tom is, and I have to believe that Harry made it to the flyer. They are alive. Thank God! Thank. God! My hubris over this mission did not kill them. Deanna was right, I should not have been a part of a mission so soon. How could I miss the damned obvious, for so long, that someone was playing us.

My head is singing though, they are alive. I guess that just leaves me. Time to review what 'Lanna put on the PADD that was transported to me. Interesting, once decoded with my thumbprint. Mostly in Klingon interspersed with nonsense. No doubt two messages, and the nonsense a code. It gives me something to do, as initially there is no clue as to the decoding. However, having read the Klingon, an account without discussion of events as they appeared, I realise that the code is at the end. A concern about one of my crewmembers, the first officers parable. Scorpion it is. I quickly then can read the interpretation of events, and that they had planned to transport me first. Thankyou Lanna, it gives my brain something to work on, my lifesign must be masked someway, otherwise they would have succeeded in the extraction. I remove my jacket and do a detailed search, which identifies a small metallic creature which i image with the PADD and pull off. as i magnify the view, it suddenly smokes and fuses. Maybe this was the confounding factor. I hope that I can be identified now.

-0-0-0-

Unknown/The Adversary

SO, a game has been played and my part is finished for this time. I had expected something more from it. I hadn't imagined their pieces would be so... expendable. The media has raised a hue and cry, but if anything it appears to have increased the standing of Starfleet. A shrunken Admiral Paris and his rotund wife looking stoic next to the dead-eyed Janeway widow-mother and the fiercely proud adopted Borg son made for an interesting headline, FedNews. A written comment, that they had been deemed lost before, and it was too early to be absolutely sure.

Hmm, indeed no direct evidence. However, the enterprise will have torn the world half apart looking for them. I shrug, it would be more interesting if they survived. The comms I have seen are interesting. My link into the comms is patchy due to the distance and stretch to my programmes, always at risk from a clean sweep or redevelopment. I can see distribution patterns, and there has been an explosion of patterns that my external neural net is processing for me. It hasn't been a simplistic dispersal, so I see that the comms pathways have been manipulated. Too much for me to be able to identify and arrange to access the key nodes on this occasion. However, next time…

This time, though I had compromised DS9 as part of my pre-planning. Whichever target was chosen, it seemed likely that DS9 would provide the jump off. Quark could never resist an interesting trade, and had a means to accept it without review. For him, the passengers within the packaging would have been of no interest, I doubt he gave the packaging a second glance. My remote agents did, however, place my code within the comms system and then waited.

The difficulty has been the enormous comms burst from the Kira/Chakotay faux pairing. Not only the trash PADDS, but nearly every person on DS9 must have been discussing this with all their family members. Using voice parameters initially was not possible for Chakotay, as there was no record of speaking when my agents were programmed. Kira's comms I can pick up, Janeway's and Adm Paris's but those I have captured have not been anything other than factual reports that I already know, and nothing from Janeway. I can only listen in real time if I tag one of my agents to relay. All apart from one of the comms that is. I saw Admiral Paris gain the realisation of the point of my game. That was the true moment that I won. All after that was superfluous.

Success after the initial moment is tedious. I transfer the holoimage from FedNews to my wall. A homage to the games I play.

No spouses of course. I would have been more captivating with a half Klingon ex maquis wife and new baby. Not to mention the maquis first officer fraternisation angle, currently being crucified in the trashPADDs for the supposed liaison with Kira Nerys. 'Once a traitor, always a traitor' indeed.

I will continue the game. I would like to play at being melodramatic and declare to avenge my father. It isn't the case, though the game is set around my father and will undoubtedly be considered to have revenge as a motif. This, for me, is only about intelligence. Though the sins of the father...

There is something though. There is a change in the data, a nearly imperceptible ripple. I do believe someone thinks they have the cunning to look for me. I do hope so. All these years my games born of boredom have been unchallenged, unnoticed. I hope that I can get to meet them. I also note that the agents placed so very long on the Enterprise appear to have deactivated. I will need to find an opportunity to re-infect. It has been interesting over the years to follow both Picard and team. Very, particularly interesting.

I code the self destruct to my devices around chin'toka. I cannot risk my agents being identified. This particular game is over.

-0-0-0-

Captain Jack Gardner

the mission is a total fck-up. I find it hard to believe that the confident Captain Janeway that I met, flirted with and admire could be part of such an enormous disaster, and Picard! We are not the best of friends, he professes to dislike my maverick ways. When he said that the first time, I nearly choked on the Earl Grey. However, here we sit, in DS9, working out how we can save the federations reputation. However, I finally got to meet that commander that has stood quietly in the background. The one who I now know made all my flirting slide off her sleek armour. Reluctantly, I am impressed. The tactics used so far have maquis stamped all over them, though he claims they are the Captain's. I am hugely relieved to find the situation is nowhere near as disastrous as it appeared to be at HQ.

So we spent a short while rapidly pooling knowledge and solutions together. There are clearly circles of information control, and i am presuming there is a search for the adversary. No one has claimed the atrocity. I am part of the endgame. There is the anticipation that Captain Janeway is still concealed on the planet, that a concealed shuttle is in orbit, and will hopefully be able to identify coordinates and effect rescue. There is no direct contact with either, though a possibilitiy of minimal pulsed morse code. I am required to support the remaining enterprise crew on the planet and assist the search for Janeway with my upgraded sensors. If I can snatch her, I should. i must provide back up to the shuttle, and ideally bring her and it back with the rescue credited to me. I get to have the redoubtable Lt Torres Paris [Eng] and daughter as hidden working guests. I am looking forwards to that!

I have realised my trust in Captain Janeway was not misplaced, and that she engenders faith and belief .I had not expected the overwhelming level of support and information so readily pulled together, presumably by networks she set up since arriving home. I am part of her unofficial fiefdom. I hear the disquiet amongst admiralty over the direction of travel for starfleet, for the federation. A schism beckons, unimaginably damaging. We must recover Janeway, as I think it will take her unique position to hold us to a true course.

I return my attention to the official brief! Enterprise has successfully set up field hospitals and managed citizen support, the casualties on Chin'toka are in the hundreds, though perhaps losses are suprisingly low for two such large explosions, in the tens. Chin'toka is now only a sparsely populated planet living in the empty spaces of pre-war panoply. The physical building damage was therefore out of proportion to the population effect. I will go and support the mop up and resettle. I aim to be surprised when i find and rescue Captain Janeway.

Now, time to leave, and treat myself to a dinner with an irascible Klingon. I cannot wait! Her reputation precedes her, and after all, it is significantly due to her ingenuity that y beautiful ship Mariner has had such an amazing refit. I look forwards to thanking her, and then being part of the most exciting rescue mission starfleet has run since the war ended.


	21. Chapter 21 - we are soulmates

_sorry for the delays! my written exam went well! fingers crossed for the practicals next week! Writing this makes a great retreat from facts and figures! thankyou Ginford for encouraging me to get going, as well as Mabb5 for the reviews which always spur me on, and knowing that people are following the story! So this double lengther is a thankyou_

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

If I am going to have to wait and be a spectator when the woman of my dreams is trapped on a damned planet, life in danger, then I am better being active. I knew my request to go with the Mariner would be denied. Slipped or beamed aboard, it would soon become clear that I had gone with them, and we just don't know the adversary, and their intel lines. Damn. Pacing, and raging, and then being icily polite, and all denied. Made worse by the knowledge that if our positions were reversed, Kathryn would have already have arrived at Chin'toka, even if she stole the enterprise to achieve this. Damn, damn, damn. As an ex maquis only commander, I am outranked, outgunned, and I know that I need to prove Kathryn right, that we are loyal and not mavericks. Damn, but and I know I can trust Tom on this.

So here I am, nearing Dorvan, where I have dreamt walking off a shuttle with Kathryn on my arms to start a new, simpler, life. And none of that- None. Of. That - is happening. Instead, I have badgered with single minded determination until it is agreed that I am to be lead starfleet negotiator on her behalf. It had been supposed Picard would take that role. Paris accepted differently. To show unity, I will be having Glinn Dmek on my team in place of Harry. I knew it was the right choice, and went directly to ask him, a chance to show unity between us in a wider scale. Again, Paris understood, he is a swift and effective decision maker. The advantage was clear. We quickly organised all the practicalities, the complete signing off of the treaty made on Chin'toka which starts the process that will allow Cardassia to eventually join the federation. This allows cultural exchanges for cadets, our government figures and military. Glinn Dmek has just started a six month starfleet attachment, ostensibly to Enterprise. The negotiation team at Dorvan, a currently unaffiliated world still in the DMZ has approved the cardassian presence, it eases out lots of creases. It allows for peace. Spirits, but I started off in thrall to guerrilla warfare, and I return an agent of peace. Let the stuffier admiralty enjoy that.

My spirit guide is, thankfully, approving. It was with some hesitancy I followed a spirit quest, I have not done so since Kathryn was in jeopardy. 'Have faith' she says, and 'be bold'. When I ask as to whether I will ever bring my soulmate back to Dorvan she reminds me to stay with the true path I saw before, my voyager family, and cleave to the truth of Kathryn.

I feel refreshed in my faith as I welcome Glinn Dmek into my quarters on the Enterprise. As I look at the Cardassian, I nod and smile to acknowledge the journey I have taken. He nods to acknowledge the gulf we are reducing between us. Our conversation looks to the future rather than the past. We are both all to clearly aware that there is nothing either of us can do to alter the past, other than nod to its existence. However, we can make changes for a united future. I sit us down to a light meal.

We talk, and gradually we talk about peace, hopes. Glinn Dmek talks of the horror of the dominion war, the mirror that it held up to the wider Cardassian society. He talks of personal losses and epiphany. He talks that the DMZ had the hardest of hardline military, that it seems like it was the last flourish of military madness. He offers that Cardassia may have difficulty working towards Federated status, but it is certainly something a large enough proportion of citizenry want. Cardassia, reeling from the effects of the Dominion war, wants stability. There are those waiting for rebuiding to again try for military might, and those, and clearly Glinn Dmek calls himself in this group, that hope to move beyond this phase. His group is now very influential, with many forward thinking legates and Guls committed. After all, with the Klingons moving into Federation status, it is not so hard to see Cardassia might. I hold back the thought that at least Klingons understand honour. Something must have shown on my face, as he stops. I smile wryly. 'trust is hard, but I am no less committed to peace'.

Somewhere, over sharing tea, I find that I have after all gone into the past. I have poured out a personal account of what he already knew, the loss of my family, the hard years of the maquis, trying to save others. My friends lost, my close friends violated, tortured, injured. Then, through the unexpectedness of fate, I have redemption from the anger and pain. i fall silent, thinking of Kathryn. Kathryn who is currently in the hands of the unknown, maybe violently treated. My fists clench at that thought.

Glinn Dmek offers his hope for peace, that there is no easy atonement other than a commitment to the future. He tells me that as Voyagers, with our history, he had thought it a brave Federation choice for diplomacy. Then, he met our Captain Janeway. Very little of our voyage has made it to Cardassia, nothing of our personal stories and individual redemption. However, when he met her, particularly when she brushed all the history aside and really talked after the shield isolated them , he understood. He gifts me his recollection of the pieces of PADD strewn across the table, as she cuts through the diplomatic dance to a very pragmatic agreement. The sparkle of humour in her eyes. Indefatigable. He says it must have been something wonderful indeed to journey with her. I agree. Something most definitely wonderful.

He leaves me thinking as he returns to his quarters. Letting go of prejudice is difficult. It is difficult for me, even having watched Kathryn appear to do it so effortlessly time and time again. If she could reclaim me, the maquis and serried Borg, I have no doubt but that she can reclaim Cardassia. I wonder whether this will be our new future. Envoys to Cardassia. If she can be by my side, I will have no qualms. I pause. Even without her, if this is how I best serve her memory... I invited a Cardassian to my quarters, but it was an individual with whom I had started the process of friendship who left. The spirits surely have a wry sense of humour.

I look at the angry warrior I was, and know that I have put that role aside.

-0-0-0-

Seven

The voice that has plagued me during regeneration is in retreat. I dismiss it when it tries to communicate, and remind it that 'dismissed is starfleet for get out'. Quoting the captain that the voice claims to despise. It cannot compete with the woman whose presence gives me peace. She sleeps now where Naomi has slept. She sees me into my alcove with a soft kiss goodnight and she greets me as I awaken with nutritional sustenance. She sends me out on my day, and makes enquiries when I return. Our relationship is ostensibly built all around the small spaces in life. She tells me that personal interaction is the mortar that holds the building blocks of life steady. I should find it inefficient. Instead, it is comforting. She manages Icheb and I with the skills of an experienced and practiced mother. I am unexpectedly, but completely inescapably home in her presence.

I have slowly perceived that the seemingly inconsequential communication has been finely tuned and delivered with surgical precision. I have reassessed all that I knew of relationships on Voyager again through her non judgmental discourse. She has no censure, even though my actions clearly wounded her daughter, and on reflection were intended to do so. I was gaining my independence from a mother figure that I loved most dearly. I was craving her attention and I was challenging her leadership, confident in my superior reasoning and youth. I used the oldest method, and stole her mate. The mate that I was competing with for her attention. Now I perceive that this was illogical, failure was the most statistically likely result. The Captain would have stepped back, given us her blessing, and I would have lost that which I most craved. Her time and her love.

Through the quiet support of The Captains mother, I see that the Captain did indeed love me, as a daughter, a protegee. She was proud of me, and honest in her dealings. She would have allowed me to win her mate and marry him in the delta quadrant, and bravely be happy in our happiness. She would have been wrong in that sacrifice. Her mother allows me to see the flaws of the captain that I love, and the guilt and sacrifice that runs through her, without it demeaning the overarching generosity, quizzical humour and inquisitive intelligence that characterises so much of her personality. Gretchen allows me to forgive both of us, and so the voice is quietened. The inner voice, I understand now, was mine speaking as Borg. It was my clinging to the certainty and uneventfulness of Borg, the life where I was not required to make adjustments, to be challenged by humanity, to review my own actions. I have gained confidence to accept the perils of individuality and emotion. My heroes can be fallible and are no longer diminished by this. It was not the collective calling me back, but cowardice, an echo of my former self.

I see that my desire for Chakotay was a mirror only. that I desired to have the depth of love and companionship that he shared with the Captain. It was not for him that I loved. The relationship would never have moved beyond this. Through stubborn dedication we may have made it successful and been happy. We are saved this, here on Earth. I have the opportunity to find what it is that will make me content in a relationship, if I wish it. I finally am cognisant of the misplaced anger I feel towards Chakotay for the deception that after all he didn't commit. We were both sublimating other needs.

As I am drawn closer into the family of the Captain, I find laughter with Phoebe as a sister who uncover the humour in my personality. Mrs Janeway would like me to call her Mom, we compromise on mother. I prefer the formality. Mother, who shows me unconditional love. Then there is my relationship with Icheb, my not-son, in this Janeway family I find the peace that I never quite achieved with the Captain, except that once. The time that she rescued me with her own unconditional love, unusually freely shown.

I tell Irene Hanson that I am discontinuing our familial relationship. She appears momentarily surprised. Mostly, I believe, she is relieved as we have found no points of reference between us. I state without unnecessary emotion that I cannot make a familial bond in good conscience, that I had already given that role to my Captain, and will now aim to formalise that relationship. Irene acquiesces, noting that I should 'look forwards rather than backwards'. A singularly unhelpful comment. Feeling the stern expression of Mrs ...Mother, however, I agree.

It proves simple for Admirals Paris and Patterson to stand with Mother as she formally adopts me as her youngest daughter.I have a new designation, Seven Annika Janeway. Initially they had made light of the request, suggesting that it is an inappropriate requirement since I am an adult. A few well delivered and forthright intercessions from mother, enhanced by the clearly hereditary death stare, and the process is swift and uncontested.

Phoebe squeals, twirls and overwhelms me, Icheb grins and declares we were always destined to be family, and we all agree that we will officially announce this only when my oldest sister is returned to us. Mother reassures me that my biological parent status is unchanged, I have only realigned my future designation. I finally have family and a place in the alpha quadrant, home. Indeed I have the right family, and this is demonstrably more conducive to inner stability than a collective. I have what the Captain all along was offering.

-0-0-0-

Janeway

I find myself on the floor, with my head against the low cot. That will leave a bruise. reassessing, my 'convenience' has been emptied and there is simple food and water. This appears to happen twice a a day. Each time, I signal, and get the signals back. I must hope to be rescued, as I cannot find a way out.

-0-0-0-

Harry Kim

I have done it! I have found the Captain. i have found the captain! I look up from my station, to where Tom is poring over plans with Johnson and Murphy. He glances my way 'report' and I grin.

'I have found her Tom!' i can't help but continue talking 'she has something from the delta quadrant, it was only for a short while, but I found her'

I show Tom the data, her geographical locality and the short time window that her presence registered. Less than a minute, but should be able to transport in that time.

'it was the resonance of the metallic signature, ambient radiation was different in the delta quadrant, we required no medical adjustment, but I recalled that we changed our sensor sweep parameters to adjust for it. So I made a specific adjustment change that made it more sensitive. I used your wedding ring to fine tune the parameters'

Tom grins at me, and then sweeps me into a hug.

'you heard the guy' tom shouts, 'we have her! just need to transport her out'

'A skeletal lock' i say, 'difficult, but we can set it up with the next appearance of the captain's biosigns, such that we are ready' I look around, and Murphy is nodding enthusiastically.

'torres manoeuvre' he states 'she did it when we interrupted that species 8472 attack on the Borg vessel'

'do we have that manoeuvre here, on the flyer?' tom is in officer mode.

'negative' I respond, 'but I can recreate the programming. I believe we have 12 hours before we can attempt the extraction of the captain'

'let's do it' tom unconsciously mirrors the captain's tone and speech ' and harry, see if you can get comms to B'elanna. We may not get a second chance, so notifying the Mariner of the coordinates allows us to consider a joint approach.'

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair

'and we all know the captain will want us to have her captors if possible, and Gul Emen too. Mariner can work on that' 'johnson, Murphy, we need to review shielding, power sources, have an alternate plan to transporter extraction. we review options in 2 hours'

I run through the narrow bandwidth comms to the Mariner, to B'elanna, and with Tom beside me, briefly recount findings and plan. We are using an encrypted modulating frequency designed by Seven. At this close proximity, noting the paucity of comms to and from the planet, I have reassured Tom of the safety. B'elanna confirms the skeletal lock, with an adaption which specifically codes for the captain that she had planned for standard transporter. She is clearly angry that she didn't try a skeletal lock at the last extraction attempt. with the modification, she is certain of our success. The Mariner will aim to coordinate with destruction of shields and generators, and simultaneous removal of all other life signs direct to the brig. Assuming our success, we will then rendevous shielded with the mariner, the shuttle bay will be open to our approach. We will only have comms with b'elanna.

If we are not successful, at our signal, B'elanna will send notice and a prearranged team will transport down as she continues to scan for Captain Janeway and extract. We will break cover and attempt a low flight extraction. We synchronise our alert for an hour before the expected shield fluctuation that allowed me to detect the captain twice before. There are no wider comms, or reassurance. Even this link, as safe as we can make it, is a tactical risk. Any further comms risks exposure. We return to black ops mode.

We all have our tasks. Tom is talking vectors and orders with Johnson and Murphy, reviewing all the tactical data, making a physical extraction possible. I am keying in all I need for the skeletal lock transport. The captain has only used a transporter once since returning to the delta quadrant, but B'elanna took that stored pattern from the enterprise to base the key on. I keep to the back of my mind what Cardassian capture could mean this time. I had been too young and too innocent when I took up my first post on Voyager.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

Spirits, but it is overwhelming to be here on Dorvan, kicking off my shoes, sitting with my sister at the end of the first full negotiation day. First and last effectively. Yesterday was publicity, official welcome, host and guest smiling and minimal discussions.

I returned to Enterprise, rechecked with Rovek and Glinn Dmek our positioning and near wept at the final version of Chin'toka, which Dmek confirms. An official Cardassian apology for actions in the DMZ. Help in rebuilding and familial reparations, though he admits that Cardassia may not actually have the ability. They would wish to help protect Dorvan from future invasion in the future, along with the Federation, allowing the spiritual community to flourish. Finally, and apparently at Kathryn's insistence, a complete pardon for all previous maquis, an agreement to release any that can be still found within Cardassia and relocation back to the federation for any medical care and rehabilitation required. Again, reparations for Tevlik. The Federation will also pardon previous maquis and offer a rehabilitation program. Rovek confirmed this has admiralty and federation government approval. I was speechless, and needed to remind myself again to never underestimate a Janeway with a hatred of bullies and a natural tendency towards reclamation.

So today I negotiated as a Janeway. Dorvan, on behalf of the DMZ worlds joyfully accepted all proposals. Starting with the reading of the Chin'toka Accord and a commitment towards peace, an understanding that the planet wishes for non technological spirituality. The discussions were straightforwards, and Dorvan and the DMZ planets are all now back into Federation Space as Federation planets. Each will support a small centralised federation hub, which will include hospital, technological and legal functions. All Dorvan citizens will have free access to these, and to go offworld, join starfleet, as their individuality suggests. Continued help to reclaim damaged land, free from contamination and then appropriate replanting with local custom. The grand picture is displayed and approved and signed. The government functionaires will now take over the implementation.

hence I am here, with my toes on Dorvan soil, sitting with my sister outside of her lodge as the sun sets. Her husband, a good man, is fixing the dinner, and my nephew is already asleep. Since I saw her last, only a month ago, I can see from the swell of her belly that our family grows.

'Se, I see that congratulations are in order' I wave my beer in the general direction of her abdomen. I am surprised that she frowns before her smile.

'brother, you need to return here, to your people. No!' she stops my interruptions 'please listen, we are few and we lost many of our leaders, we lost many of our bloodlines. Our tribe needs to be renewed, it needs you. You need to come home' she pauses, and puts her hand on my arm 'Kathryn is gone, what can hold you to starfleet?'

I start at that. Spirits! Sekaya has no knowledge of Chin'toka other than through FedNews. Even so, I am stunned by her easy acceptance.

'Dammit Se, we are not having this discussion.' I glare at her 'do you really think I could be relaxing here if I thought Kathryn lost?' i am angry with myself also, for relaxing on Dorvan instead of racing back to DS9 and the onwards. I had devolved responsibility for Kathryn, knowing they could do it and I was needed elsewhere, to make the appropriate picture. Spirits be damned, I have let Dorvan suck me in. My anger flared, I stand up to leave. 'I am going now, I should have left already'

Se grabs me harder 'Spirits weep, Chakotay, but I don't see it, I don't see you with her. What is her hold over you? She pushes you aside for seven years, snaps her ghost white fingers and you just go running? Its not as if you are even faithful? What about that Borg girl? O yes, I heard *all* about that. I *saw* the images from Voyager. What about Kira? Parading about on DS9 with no cares? No wonder I don't understand you, do you even understand yourself?' She sits down with her back to me. 'go! be a contrary! you leave and you are no longer my brother, no longer welcome here!' I stand, torn between indignant anger with the desire to rush after Kathryn, and the undying love I have for my sister, who clearly does not understand. The shake of her shoulders makes the decision. I love her. She is my family, and I need her understanding.

i move round to her and place my arms around her. 'Sekaya, sister, you must listen' I realise I have no idea to start what I need to say, and then I sigh.

'I can tell you the start of the story, It's about an angry warrior, who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe...' and I find myself telling Sekaya a story that i told Kathryn many thousands of lightyears away, a story to share my love for her 'And in that way the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace. ' I finish and smile and feel the anger leaching out again.

Sekaya is comfortable in my arms. I murmur and tell her of the joys and laughter, the bravery and spirit of my woman warrior, of her strength and wisdom, seeing the best that everyone could be. Her vision and leadership shining light on our pathway home. Without her, we would have settled and been lost in the delta quadrant, without her we would not have passed the Borg, and they would remain to threaten Earth. She is a visionary leader. More than that, she is my friend. I cannot live without her.

The sounds of Dorvan night begin, as birdlife is roosting and the crepuscular animals slink around the trees. I notice that the lights are shining from Sekaya's hearth, but we are left in peace, to make our peace.

I restart my love story of Kathryn. I talk of shore leaves, sailing on Lake George, Sandrines, talent nights, dinners by candlight whilst laughing about the antics of 'our children' Companionship as close as any marriage. Then, more slowly of bitter rows and how, inevitably, the strain both of us were concealing pushed us apart through misunderstanding, perhaps willful. How hard that was for me, but how devastating for her, and how it had in an alternate timeline driven her to the ultimate sacrifice. that she had given her life so that I could live and love Seven, and so that Seven, Tuvok and 26 other crewmembers would survive. She willingly gave her life so that we would come back in time to thrive.

The night has fallen and stars appeared as I tell her of that final day on Voyager, my realisation that after all she had kept one final piece of hope close to her chest, my warring contrary nature nearly pushed her away again. My tears fall on Sekaya as I recount that she released me from my promise, she would sacrifice her hope to my happiness, and I let her. I feel Sekaya as she hugs me, and her tears fall onto my shoulder.

I pause, breathing in the pure and fresh night air, and think how different things would be if I had let that future unfold. Instead, I tell her, I realised that I could release myself from the trap of safety, that I accepted the future that was always ours. I tell Sekaya of our kiss that sealed our future. That surrounded by friends and family on voyager, the noise of the universe was silenced as I held her in my arms. All I could hear was the beating of our hearts, insistent of the move together. All I could see was the brightness of her eyes, and the love reflected there. A smile so wide that I could live within it. She stepped forwards towards me, and I couldn't breathe, that the whole of time paused as I awaited her movement. she raised her face to mine in full surrender to the love that had bound us for Seven years, and the sigh that left both of us as I claimed her lips, her love, her life as mine. In that claiming, I relinquished my sovereignty too. There are no words to explain the rightness and joy of that kiss, that it was more than a promise, it was the completion of an unbreakable bond. All our choices and decisions led to that kiss, and following it, there were no more to make as individuals. We are pairbonded. We are soul mates. I feel the unutterable peace of this spread through me.

Finally, I tell her of the desperate deception and subterfuge that surrounds the Chin'toka mission, of an unknown adversary who mustn't know that we have not abandoned Kathryn until they show their hand. That we have a team who will, Spirits willing, rescue her at that point. She must say nothing. That after our meal, I will return to Enterprise and then from DS9 get myself to Chin'toka and tear the planet apart with my bare hands if necessary.

'So. Se, talk no more of Kathryn except with love. Talk no more of my returning to Dorvan and taking a wife from the tribe. Should the unthinkable occur, I am already a leader of a tribe, co-leader of our Voyager family, and my first duty is to them. If, with the fullness of time, the life of my heart is lost to me, only then will I return and offer what you have wanted. Do not wish it of me, Se.'

We continue to hug in the starlight, finding comfort and understanding. She stands first, wiping away her tears.

'come then brother, let us eat, and welcome you home. When you have your wife at your side, return to us, so that she can become part of our tribe too'

I need no further prompting, the meal smells good and I am very, very hungry. Arm in arm we enter her home and settle with laughter and new-found unity to enjoy the happiness of family.

So relaxed am I, that when my commbadge signals, and we play the streamed comms through my PADD, as Sekaya lacks a home comms system, I am completely unprepared. I stare with horror and the sensation of impending unmitigated disaster at the bruised, battered but still beautiful and unbowed face of my beloved.

Kathryn.


	22. Chapter 22 - Speeding back to Chin'toka

_I'm a brit, and starting to write this as awaiting our election results. the exit polls look very hopeful! [not a tory!] I did also, however, pass my practical exams! So this is a short one._

-0-0-0-

Janeway

This time, when I come around, I know that something is different. There is a change. I sit on the bench and send my message, it has a response. Tom, then another ?harry and then, in morse, it says 'alert' and I know that means that the planned extraction will happen at any opportunistic time. I need to be ready. I presume that there are other changes that I am not aware of. I have been completely isolated apart from the heartbeat of hope from the PADD. It is time to be ready. Time for our endgame.

As I review my cell, there is no food this time, a bad sign. A square tile of the wall appears slightly different. As I look, it is clearly changed. i am slightly oblique to it, so turn to stare at it, presuming this is passing my image to who knows. I sign in the universal sign language, in case this gets sent out. I sign to 'be strong, laugh and love well' . It is a poor attempt at a last message, in case that is required. I do my best to maquis sign less obviously 'ready'. I have never been good at being patient and waiting. However, I school my face into neutral, and attempt Vulcan meditation whilst I await the next move.

-0-0-0-

FedNews broadcasting the live transmission from the self styled Cardassian Coalition for Cooperation

[still image of the diplomatic teams to Chin'toka 3]

'This is a recorded message. we claim responsibility for the events on Chin'toka 3. We believe that Cardassian Gul Emen was planning to sabotage the agreement, so rescued the Federation negotiation leader. We know the negotiations were not commenced with good faith.

[excerpt of grainy recording of torture within a cardassian facility with young female red headed human]

Captain Janeway was forced to treat with her former attacker. We wish to further peace with the Federation to save Cardassia. To this end, we are prepared to offer her the chance to enact justified retribution. Indeed, she must do so to rejoin her crew. By this act, we will expose Federation hypocrisy.

[image much clearer of a bruised Captain Janeway in a cell, sitting calmly. She makes an overt signed statement - captioned by FedNews. This continues to play with no further sound]

-0-0-0-

Admiral Paris

'Shut it down!'

I shout to the FedNews reporter who is attempting to get my comment on whether I can confirm that is Katie. Damn her. Of course it is bloody Katie, and that wreck to the side is me. I am both shamed and devastated to have this image now played on loop across assorted news stations.

'I cannot comment on any past service of Captain Janeway, the poor quality images you are showing, or her current status. Nor can I comment on the possibility of any Federation or starfleet mandated intervention.' I glare at the reporter 'as you are well aware'

I stalk in my best admiral fashion across to the the podium in the starfleet media room and deliver my statement.

[image of the negotiation team on chin'toka]

I talk about the outstanding achievement of Captain Janeway to achieve a statement of concordance with Cardassia, that has been confirmed as the Cardassian Accord. It negotiates peace, reparations to the DMZ worlds, and closer integration of our different political systems with the aim that Cardassia will in due course plea to join the federation. I talk briefly of her strong history of diplomacy, strength and ingenuity

[image of voyager coming home scenes played behind me, images of the command and senior team disembarking Voyager, the brave captain making her emotional first statement to cheers from her crew and all around]

I talk of the continued joint negotiations on Dorvan with Commander Chakotay taking her role, working with a Cardassian for success.

[image of the Dorvan negotiation team shaking hands on conclusion]

I talk of peace and hope of a positive future for the federation, restating its aims and goals, restating the starfleet goals of peaceful exploration and science.

[image of starfleet logo]

By now, I am being comprehensively heckled by all the associated press. It is entirely expected. We admirals are made of stern stuff however. So I surprise them by finishing with the Janeway 3 rules of being a Captain.

'There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship... and never abandon a member of your crew'

I don't explain, or offer any hint of plans, and instead walk away from the podium, explaining that we will update as updates suggest.

Back in private, I place my head in my hands, and send a prayer that the Voyagers will pull this off. What wouldn't i give to be the Captain of the Mariner, and have the ability to tear the planet apart to find her. Standing tall again, I return to HQ, where a small group of us Admirals will try not to interfere in the completely unknown Voyager rescue plan!

-0-0-0-

Unknown/the adversary

Damn. My news tag flashes up Janeway's name, and I look in surprise as she appears, currently alive, if in a cell. And the cardassian revolutionaries. Honestly! ridiculous! However, they did manage to transport her away from my retribution. I wonder who else they rescued. And they are claiming all my clever machinations as their own. On reflection, this is no bad thing, it distracts the chase.

I review the solitary and near stationary Janeway. I have no agents left in that area, I can only be a spectator to this unexpected epilogue. I had set my next game assuming Enterprise will take on the mantel, if she survives this, it may be Voyager after all. I can adapt.

I wonder how many of us are watching this broadcast from different places within this carefully woven web of mine. I wonder what web Janeway has woven. Fate seems to be holding her safe. I will learn more about her before entangling her in a game of mine again.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

I am glad for Sekaya, holding my arm and giving me silent strength, as I look at Kathryn, so calm and still, so ready for movement. I am glad that my sister and I have found our relationship again, and that Kathryn has a role in it. I cannot resent the time I have spent with Sekaya to make this right. Now, I must return my focus to Kathryn, my Captain.

I see her clear and obvious signing, which is heartbreaking in its meaning. She is in no way certain of rescue. I also see the very subtle maquis signage. Spirits, please walk with her and keep her safe. Damn, but there was no doubt of the authenticity of the short historical images. It is my Kathryn. The warrior in me is rising up. I apologise to Sekaya, but now I must go, I must rescue her. I kiss her goodbye, with promises to return. She blesses me with the traditional leaving chant. We both know that my home is a person, not a place. She needs me.

'go, brother, and bring her back to us'

'enterprise, one to beam up'

I am greeted by Riker, who stalks with me to the ready room, where Dmek has already joined Picard and his team. I note that he also immediately gravitates again to Deanna. He has also been a patient first officer, and his time of waiting is also clearly over. The transmission is playing on the screen, and is currently showing Admiral Paris, and I am impressed by his impassivity considering I am certain that he is also captured on that film. He cannot sign to us, but his words are clear, we have a free reign to do what we see fit. His final quote confirms that he expects us to effect the rescue. We only need a short discussion, we are all in agreement, there is no need for covert action. Who in the spirits name are these cardassians. We are all sure that they had no part in the explosions. This appears to be a second group. Time to rescue her, and then unpick the interactions and inter-relation of all the conflicting information.

We spill out onto the bridge where Picard takes charge

'set a course for chin'toka, maximum warp. Make it so'

'hold on Kathryn' I murmur, 'we are coming, I am coming'. time to talk tactics.


	23. Chapter 23 -finally to the rescue

Gul Emen

I sit impassive in this room. Decades of training in the Cardassian military, both giving and in receipt of torture, and I am well trained to resist this low level deprivation. It seems pointless.

In my head I list my regrets and stoke my hate. I regret the fall of Cardassia from military strength. I regret the weakness of my countrymen, pandering to the federation. I regret we are not instead seeking military might. I regret that I have needfully been weak infront of the starfleet bitch, agreeing to the demeaning federation stipulations of societal fairness and justice. I regret that I had no weapon, and my life now is due to her protection. I regret that. I regret that she ever lived after here captivity. I was only a Glinn then, doing as ordered. I would have killed both of them the moment the rangers attacked. I let the hate increase my strength. One day, Cardassia shall rise again.

I realise that again I have lost time. there must be a sedative through the ventilation. This time, a box has appeared. I pay it no attention. If my captors want my compliance, it must be worth my while. A voice tells me that they have provided the means for me to prove myself, to atone for my past actions. My character will be determined from the outcome. I hide a sardonic snort. The voice is Cardassian, but the phraseology isn't. Cardassian's don't 'atone' we are right or we fail. Failure and we pay in political and military exile until it is determined we are needed again. Whoever these Cardassian's are, they have assimilated ideas from elsewhere.

I ignore the voice and the box. A countdown appears and gets to zero. No explosion, but a monitor appears, and it shows her, also sitting in a room with a box.

A door opens.

I internally shrug, and look in the box, arming myself with the federation phaser within, adjusting the setting to kill, and leave the room. If this is a chance to see whether Federation or Cardassian envoys leave alive, I will not fail.

As anticipated, the floor appears consist of corridors with doors into small identical rooms. I revel in the anticipation of violence and action, kicking the door open, and preparing to shoot on sight. Will she be in a room, or will she appear in a corridor? Inside her calm exterior, there will be a broken desperate woman. I imagine that she will attack, but being federation, on the stun setting. I know her marksmanship is excellent.

I am prepared, as I methodically clear each section before moving on. If I chose to share my emotion, it would be a fierce joy.

-0-0-0-

Janeway

the box is present. This time they didn't even cause me to lose consciousness. i am losing patience with this. I get up and look inside. A phaser, set to stun. How original. I have experience of phasers having settings other than they appear. I leave it. I have no need of such a weapon.

A clearly cardassian voice is talking, it tells me that they are giving me an opportunity. It is an opportunity, apparently, to prove myself and the federation, to obliterate the past failures and torture. To show myself to be worthy. I harrumph to myself. Just who do they think they are talking to? I then huff a laugh at my continued hubris. Voyager's exploits in the delta quadrant are still lock down classified. It could have been a seven year pleasure cruise. I ponder at the 'show your wort'h, and the allusion to my captivity and torture. I wonder what records Cardassia may hold from that. Hell! i hope there is nothing broadcastable.

Damnit but there is an expectation that we might duel for supremacy. The classic prisoners dilemma. Our outcome is better if we cooperate with each other. Do they teach that in Cardassia? I rather suspect not.

Who are they trying to bully! I know my core beliefs. They have been tested over and over again in the delta quadrant. I am confident that these are rooted in my starfleet and federation training and background. I am no executioner. I am not Ransom, prepared to commit an atrocity to live. in my heart I know he was doing it for his crew.

I don't dance to another tune and potentially invalidate a much needed alliance. I certainly don't give into bullies, I don't give into terrorist demands, particularly if they risk an innocent. I amend that to diplomat. I think briefly of the Kazon and the Devore. Both bullies, one overt and the other much more subtle. I don't like bullies. I will not compromise for them.

So even as the door beckoning a false freedom opens, I remain still. I speak and sign clearly to where I believe the camera is on the wall. I need my captors, starfleet and family to understand my position of non-violence. I determinedly leave the phaser in the box . thanking my hosts for the opportunity to demonstrate how I live by federation ideals, I speak and sign my abiding belief in the principles that underpin starfleet and the federation. Equality, the hope that we can live in tolerant peace, supporting, enabling and mutual cooperation. I talk about exploration, science and expanding our horizons in space and knowledge. I talk about the prime directive, avoiding exploitation and allowing cultural diversity. I talk about strength in diversity, cohesion across the peoples of the federation. I talk abouthow I have tried to put this into practice, my own crew, human, Vulcan, Klingon, bajoran, bolian, Klingon, talaxian and ocampan and working with shared values, the whole being greater than the sum of the parts.

I make my final plea that whatever the outcome of this captivity, that we should promote peaceful cooperation, friendship and rebuilding a firm future between federation and Cardassia. I briefly mention my previous captivity, as if it were a mere nothing, and vow I have long forgiven and been ready to move forwards to a shared peaceful purpose together. Hence my positive determination to be one of the bridge builders between our two governments.

I can hear the crashing open of doors coming closer. The loud violent noise shocks me after so long without sound. Deep breaths Janeway. I hope that the delta flyer is ready or my diplomatic career may be very short. I presume Gul Emen has not chosen to repudiate violence. I am not convinced he will be swayed by my talk of peace. I therefore restate and sign my trust in the federation and starfleet, the love I have for my crew and my family and thank them all for shaping my full and exciting life. I stand, my hands in the cardassian position for peace, and await his arrival. The lights start to flicker, and I can hear distant sounds of weapons. This facility is under attack. I am tempted by the phaser, but stand resolute. Instead I put my powers of persuasion into my impassioned speech to Gul Emen, and whoever else might hear me, on the benefits of peace.

Honestly, now Tom! Now would be ideal!

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

Shit, fk. I stand with Picard on the near silent bridge of the Enterprise. It feels huge and cavernous, impersonal. I wish it were Voyager. We are racing at warp 9+ towards Chin'toka, with Geordi cursing at the pressure this puts on the Enterprise. I don't effing care if we arrive half broken. Spirits, but I wish it was B'Elanna. It just isn't going to be soon enough. We have Kathryn on screen I can see her living and maybe dying by her damned starfleet loyalties. The screen has been split by her captors, and we can also watch Gul Emen crashing doors open with phaser poised. It is palpably clear that he plans to shoot first. She hasn't even got the effing phaser in her hands for defence. Kathryn! please try, please live, for us!

I take back my anger. I am angry that we may not make it, angry that she is in this position, angry at the fates for taking her from me just as we have made our home together. I am not angry with her for staying with her ideals. I am proud of her. I am damned proud of you Kathryn. You are very the epitome of a modern starfleet captain. I just effing wish that this didn't look likely to kill you. Spirits, but I have had enough of losing you.

Riker announces we are in range of the Chin'toka system. His calm exterior belies the tightness of caution in his voice. I am desperately holding in my need to pace. I am a starfleet officer. This diminutive woman has us all racing towards her. Transporter range within 5 minutes. Spirits, but that is so long. Hold on Kathryn. Please. We have coordinates from the Mariner, who have sent down a team as soon as the broadcast began and it was clear that the endgame had arrived. I have no idea what the hell they are doing down there. Surely they should have cut the shields by now, extracted her? Only once the shield is down can they can beam her out. Where is the delta flyer? I am frustrated by our lack of coordination due to black ops.

'Have faith Chakotay', I hear her in my head as I watch her sign her love for us all, a clear last message. Damn you Kathryn. Do you always have to sacrifice yourself for a cause? Spirits please take this woman I love and keep her safe.

Kathryn!

I barely breathe as we all watch Gul Emen race towards the clearly open door in the corridor. Like him, we all assume that this is Kathryn's cell. Time is up. Some of the lights appear to flicker, there is a power surge, the first sign of the Mariner extraction team. I am too late. Spirits forgive me. Kathryn, forgive me.

I see her sitting there so patiently. FFS Kathryn, couldn't you have left the cell and tried for an exit? Kathryn, can't you hear my heart screaming to you. Run!

As he heads towards her open door, it is clear that she hears him, her head raises. I can see her mouth moving, she in't signing. This is for him. She is begging him to consider peace, to work together for a peaceful future. That death her is wasteful and pointless. He is running, he is by the door. Kathryn! He goes in, her mouth opens and...

No! not now! the damned link is lost. Damn everything. Shit! My mind howls as I hear Picard comm to Gardner. Damn him too! Kathryn, by all the spirits, please be alive.

We are 2 minutes from transporter range, and I notify Picard that I *am* on the away team. He doesn't deny me. I would go anyway. The blank screen taunts me with the lack of Kathryn. I will tear that effing facility apart till I find her. Riker and I silently stride to the transporter room.

I will find you, Kathryn.

-0-0-0-

Tom Paris

'Harry, dammit, now! we have to get her *Right Now*' I know he is trying everything, beads of perspiration on his head. We both see the Captain, our Captain on the split screen, with that bastard Cardassian coming for her. Johnson reads her words to us. Damn you Captain, for being so strong to the end. Damn you for trusting us so much with your rescue.

Comms with the Mariner tells me that they have sent down an extraction team the moment that the transmission started. They are aiming for the shields.

'harry!' I shout as the bastard strides down the corridor towards an open door.

'I have her, Tom, I have her!' he screams back 'shut the fk up whilst I complete the skeletal lock'

I bite my lower lip to stop shouting. I desperately, we desperately need Harry to make this work.

I beat tom/pa-ris on the PADD, and I know that will signal to Kathryn, B'E that we are going for it now. As I do this, all hell breaks loose. The bastard Gul reaches her open door, Kathryn is talking, and the transmission ceases. I can see explosions registering from the planet, I can see the Enterprise is coming, and I don't need to start any betting pools to tell that Chakotay is on board.

I can't help but bite out 'Harry, have we...' when a familiar voice drawls from behind

'cutting it fine! certainly a most... dramatic... exit'

and she is there. she is with us and in a most undignified and unprofessional way Harry and I throw ourselves at her and hug and laugh. i admit to a tear. She hugs and kisses us both, ruffling our hair and then linking arms with us. Harry has clearly adapted to being a recipient of her tactile nature. This moment is wonderful We actually damned well did it! whilst we are celebrating, our comms is going crazy, Johnson accepts the hail. it is B'E

'P'tak' she shouts as she sees us, as she sees Kathryn large as life between us with a huge grin on all our faces 'did you not think there were others wanting to know? get your sorry ass back here now, helmboy' but her huge smile gives her away. ' and captain, your away mission privileges are hereby revoked' and we all laugh, hysterically, with relief. None of us are going to admit quite what a close call we have all had.

A final group moment, and then I firmly take Kathryn into our tiny sickbay - cubicle really.

'Tom!' she expostulates 'really? are you turning into the doctor on me? I am fine!'

In the end she lets me do a quick scan of chest and head, where the bruising is and a quick run over of the dermal regenerator, and with a gentle smile, absolutely refuses to me to scan below her midsection. 'on the enterprise, tom, not before. Now, lets get going, as there are some impatient people on a ship above us! oh and thankyou, I always have faith in you' and she gives me another quick squeeze of my arm, quirks a grin and bounds back onto the bridge. She smiles as she takes the science station and waves me to the conn. 'Paris, take us to the Mariner.' and then she gruffly thanks Johnson and Murphy before moving to harry.

I can't hear her whisper, but I do hear Harry stutter his response. I look to the side, and see the two with their eyes locked, Harry still in adoration. Enough of this soppiness, and I take the delta flyer through a barrel roll as I spin her back to the Mariner, a huge grin on my face. We did it. I laugh out loud as she pushes the back of my head forwards as reprimand as she walks past. We actually effing did it!

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

I am on the transporter pad when the command comes from Picard to belay the transport. Damn him! As I start to question, his orders continue, and Riker pats my shoulder before he and the rest of security step off the transporter to Picard's orders. Through my haze of anger, I don't clearly catch the command. Dammit, I need to search for her.

As my hand raises towards Riker to turn him round for an explanation, the transporter catches me, and I find myself unceremoniously appearing in the transporter room of an unfamiliar ship.

'get off now, p'tak' I am greeted by my cheerful sister. 'Now!' she shouts, and disorientated, I follow her order.

'B'Elanna' I beg, as I walk towards her. But she is smiling to someone behind me, the sound of the transporter is active again, and I turn as five figures appear. B'elanna is hurtling like a torpedo to the tall blond with a huge grin. And although I know I should acknowledge them, and thank all the team, all I can do is stride and capture their leader, who stands undismayed with her fists on her hips, a challenge in her eyes and a smile just for me. 'miss me?' she lilts.

'damn you Kathryn' I shout at her, as I pull her into my arms, into my embrace. She tilts her head and accepts my impassioned kiss. I kiss her like a drowning man holds onto the spar of a boat. I cannot believe that I have her in my arms again, that she has escaped. Spirits, thankyou. I just kiss her, and allow the world to narrow down to just us, alone in the universe, in each others arms. My god, but I kiss her. I empty all the love, frustration, desperation and passion from me through this kiss, and she responds as fully. We reclaim each other.


	24. Chapter 24 - preparing for the future

Janeway

The exuberant release of tension on feeling the transporter catch me and I am transported to the delta flyer. I just wish I could have seen the shock on Gul Emen as he realised I had escaped. I stifle a laugh, and can here Tom biting out a query to Harry. He sounds every inch the commander that I have always thought he could be.

With undisguised joy and relief surely shining on my face, I make my entrance onto the bridge of the flyer and am engulfed by Tom and Harry, both throwing caution to the winds and winding me in close, I laugh out loud for seeing them, we have succeeded! Stroking each dear face and kissing each on the cheek, gods but we have been lucky here. They both babble at once and as I turn them about, linking my arms through theirs, I see Johnson and Murphy grinning too. I grin back, as Johnson takes the hail from an outraged 'Lanna. We all cannot help laughing at the huge relief, even as she acts like an admiral. Apologies made, it is time to get us onto the Mariner before anyone else notices the delta flyer.

Paris, irritatingly, decides to channel the doctor despite my best death glare, and is insistent despite my protestations. I let him take away the bruising, but I am damned if I will let him do any intrusive scans. As if I am unaware of what he dreads to find. Dammit but I am so glad that he is alive, that we have all, again, by some massive miracle survived. Q, divine intervention or our own good fortune!

A thanks to our security detail, whispered word of huge thanks to Harry for his ingenuity and a sibling slap to Tom as a thankyou for everything and payback for the barrel roll which saw me lurching towards him. 'tally ho!' I declare at Tom seeing the mariner appear on the viewscreen, hoping that I have got the archaic phrase right. A jerked response suggests I have. It is good to keep him on his toes.

Then Enterprise is also detected, and I am overwhelmed with the need to speak to Chakotay, but will stick with the plan whispered days ago to Harry and just recently reiterated to B'Elanna. I don't want the delta flyer and its capabilities to be so apparent whilst our adversary is unknown. The recent hostage takers I am sure were secondary. We will sneak into the shuttle bay of the Mariner, and they will beam us aboard from there. All credit to 'Lanna and the Mariner. Since it is all classified, it can be assumed that the boys were somewhere in the same complex all along.

It only takes a short while before we are on board, I have heard the essence of the delta flyers planning, and been amazed that Chakotay's chronometer was indispensable in finding me, its delta quadrant signature acting to pinpoint my location. The use of this and 'Lanna's skeletal lock transport as well as the disintegration of whatever that nano-robot has led to my extraction. Quick thinking, determination and my team are triumphant. I heap praise upon praise.

Nothing quite prepares me for transporting onto the Mariner, and the sight of Chakotay's back, radiating fierce anger at 'Lanna as he walks towards her. He spins round and his eyes claim mine. In the exultation of the moment, there is only one thing my mind and body clamour for. He doesn't disappoint, and as his arms envelop me and his lips kiss away all the unacknowledged terror of the situation, i am sure that I am never going to leave his side again.

Finally, a need for oxygen breaks us apart, and the noise of the room is finally processed. As we both turn, we note Captain Gardner and his first officer patiently waiting to welcome us aboard, well, I guess we have given them a damn good show and are undeniably busted! If any further proof were needed.

I beam a huge smile and thank him for my presumed rescue, gaining an answering grin in response and a quizzical wriggle of eyebrows. hmm indeed!

'this' I raises our joint hands 'is my first officer, Chakotay', and I am sure that my damned face has defeated me as I feel the heat of an expansive blush. The somewhat smug grin on Chakotay's face just increases its heat.

Gardener laughs, turns to his male Klingon first officer 'don't think that I am ever going to greet you in a similar fashion, prime!' the klingon remains stoically unmoved. I like Klingons.

I hide my blushing by introducing the rest of the team, but Tom, completely enwrapped in B'Elanna's arms with a sleeping Miral crushed in between is also fairly obvious. 'your number four?' Gardner asks. 'Gods, but you ran a lax ship Kathryn!' At the immediate uproar from the Voyagers to my defence, I break out a smile and raise my hand for silence, thankful that the banter allows me a more even footing, and even Harry closes his mouth, though the scowl remains. 'I ran a family ship of survivors, Jack' I say proudly 'the damned best starfleet officers and crew in the delta quadrant!'

Gardner understands my silent thanks for this moment to rebalance. the un-named klingon murmurs 'the only crew...' and earns his own glaring challenge from 'Lanna.

'Now, i think we need to make a short broadcast, freshen up, and then perhaps have a small celebration?' I smile at Chakotay, who destabilises me again by dropping a kiss tenderly on my head. He is my first officer, but also my lover, my soul mate, and I can see that he will not be moving from my side for the foreseeable future and nor do I wish him to. 'let's get the first part done and dusted, so that we can perhaps welcome each other back properly'

-0-0-

I stretch out in the quarters on the enterprise. it seems a long time ago we were here last. our lovemaking, once chakotay was convinced that this imprisonment had been significantly different from the last, was both explosive and extremely tender. lying in his arms is a moment of respite from the clamour of starfleet. His hands trace an aimless path on my belly, the short captivity hasn't reduced the gentle swell, and I know I need to up my exercise regimen. He is murmuring love poetry, or at least that is what he declares it is, in his native tongue. It sounds more like a softly whispered prayer. I let myself relax further into his sheltering embrace.

My short debrief with admiral paris had stuck to the 'official rescue' and Fed News were allowed the sight of us all spruced up and shaking hands with Captain Gardner for their headline, and after that Tom and 'Lanna disappeared leaving Harry to do the comms for the Voyager family, limited to classified no story on the planet, rescue by the mariner and crediting them and 'Lanna. There are no details, but I hope the adversary is out there listening. We won't be caught so unprepared again. I have a list of areas we can follow, and no doubt some at least have been started by my family. I am itching to get back!

The call with Mom and Icheb was altogether more emotional. Seeing the direct effect on my stoical mother hit home again how the voyager disappearance must have been. I cannot comprehend her strength. She has a shock for me too. When she said my sister would be with them in a minute, I had not expected Seven to be that sister. Temporarily I lost all power of speech, even Chakotay nudged me as Seven's face started to fall. When she asked if I wished to dissolve the familial relationship I managed to get started again. It had been a surprise, that perhaps I had always thought of her as, well as perhaps and I couldn't say daughter out loud. I had to laugh and say that I would happily adapt, resistance being futile, whilst Mom scolded me and reassured Seven that this was sisterly teasing. Mom is planning a Janeway party to welcome Icheb, Seven 'and any other waif or stray that formally joins our family' with a pointed look.

I hope that I didn't look as woeful as I feel, Chakotay has made no mention of formalising our relationship, and I no longer even have his warrior promise. Instead I raised my eyebrows in a 'back off' and after the comms let Chakotay distract me with his stunned acceptance of Seven's adoption. I even managed to joke about asking him whether he was going to make a hattrick of all 4 Janeway sisters. That at least distracted us both, with his robust physical denial.

And that leads me back to here. Slowly being aroused again, his spiral tracings are becoming more daring, he smiles at me, and we let love sweep us away again.

-0-0-0-

Seven

'mother' I interrupt her intimacy with Icheb 'I am concerned that the Captain does not approve of the change in our relationship status. I do not wish to ... take advantage of her absence.'

Mother assures me that the horrified look of Captain Janeway was a temporary response. I am not so sure. I am relieved to see that she has survived. Chakotay also looked... I am not sure. She tells me that I need to give 'Katie' time to come to terms with the idea, and that she has clearly always felt some connection with me.

'i will comply' I state 'but I have been told that I was her 'reclamation project' which is not compatible with sisterhood and is unacceptable'

Icheb this time rushes to reassure me, he has been living with the Captain and Chakotay, and says he is well aware that it is Paris who is the reclamation project.

I had not researched the initial crewmember history and evaluations, and I clearly was remiss. I had thought Paris' behaviour to be irresponsible and inefficient, and his history suggests that he should not have returned to active duty. Both my new family members give me a look reminiscent of the Captain, the one that suggests there is some 'human individuality learning' I need to achieve. Icheb has adapted far more quickly.

I volunteer to tell Naomi and Sam that the whole team is rescued. As I could predict, Naomi is overcome with excitement that her hero is not in jeopardy, and ensures me that she was never doubting her. Clearly this is in contradiction to the woebegone tearstained face that has greeted me each day. However, I have learnt the lesson that I must accept at face value such dubious emotional statements without overt reaction.

'indeed' I answer, with a smile. I feel tenderness for Naomi.

The news quickly spreads and soon there is a gathering forming at the mess hall. Insidiously I have become part of this family. Accepted as an individual. I attend with my family, and now I have the security of an alpha quadrant family, I regain my confidence in my delta quadrant compatriots. Human individuality is complicated, more so now I have full exposure without the failsafe. I understand the need for home and security, and now I have one, integration and adaptation will more readily occur. I have my collective.

I comm Harren, we concur that the adversary is still unknown, the cardassian terrorist group do not have the requisite technical distinctiveness. We have an understanding and will continue to cautiously search for the truth. I am surprised by the positive emotion that continued working with Harren releases.

-0-0-0-

Picard

personal log:

It is with some considerable relief that I have welcomed the Missing Voyagers back onto the Enterprise. It would seem that Captain Janeway is as reputation suggests... reckless, with an unerring knack of running head first into trouble and then bending the known laws to her own design to not just escape the crisis, but effect positive change on all those around.

I believe that she is almost certainly 'unmanageable' for the admiralty. I would almost feel sorry for some of the old windbags, but i know that they will promote her to make her independence appear planned. And, after all, her sheer personality is a gift for the popularity of starfleet, added with it her survivors story and now this... I hope she gets a chance find her landlegs first.

Even my own crew, who have barely met her, are personally affected and delighted with her survival, but also take note of her clarion call as to the strength and purpose of the federation. Deanna was right, I was unreasonably jealous. I had got complacent with my own position of Captain and her success and popularity have currently left me in the shade. I am dammed if I am going to cling to her coat tails!

It behoves me to take stock and consider trading in my pips for a bar and working with her to create the starfleet we can be proud of again. Rather than leading by example to a small group of people, she has shown that even a small contact with the right message creates a lasting effect. She will need a group of sympathetic admirals with the right gravitas, and I am ready to answer the call. It has never been more needed to steer the direction of starfleet for the future.

It will also present an opportunity to look at making other changes in my circumstances. Nothing precipitous or rash. I am not nearly so reckless.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

I have no idea why Kathryn is being so damned difficult. She didn't leave time for her medical debrief with Beverley yesterday, and now I am being harangued. There is something going on, and kathryn is not talking to me.

'Dammit Kathryn!' I yell at the door. She locked the door to take her shower, I can only assume it was so that I didn't drag her to the sickbay. 'now I am worried. What the hell are you so afraid of her finding? You never even bailed out so much on our Doctor' I rest my head on the door. How can we be arguing about something so stupid. no, not stupid. I know she is shutting me out of something.

'fine, Kathryn, you take your time, whatever this is. When you want to go, go.' unfortunately, I shout this too. I move away and sit heavily on the couch. Breathing our my anger, I can continue in a softer tone 'I'm sorry, Kathryn, i don't need to go, you are right, it is none of my business'. none, I think, except that I love you, I want your health to be my business. I thought we had committed to each other. I can't help the grip of worry about how terrible whatever this is might be. After all, if it were going to be a pass of the tricorder bill of health, I have seen the doctor do this with her before many times. It worries me that whatever this might be is going to affect our future. Tom said she only had a minimal head and neck scan with him. I wonder if there are other, hidden injuries. Clearly, I have kissed and caressed her whole perfection from top to toe since our reunion. It must be nothing.

When she exits from the shower, I can see from her expression that it isn't nothing. She looks haunted, apologetic and guilty. I make a space for her in my arms on the couch, and am relieved when she snuggles in, her head on my shoulder. She doesn't look at me, but starts to speak. I can tell from the way she sits that she assumes I am not going to like this. In a better moment, I could nearly smile at the way she delivers the start of her monologue in the same way I start bad news when discussing options she isn't going to like. I drop a kiss on her head.

'Kathryn, I love you, I worry about you. Just tell me what is clearly bothering you. We can face it together'

At this a tear streaks down her face, and I prepare for whatever the worst could be.

'I saw the doctor, on our voyager walk' I nod, remembering back, we had visited Miral, she said it was a temporal migraine, and I knew it was a lie then as she had freely given me the information. My heart sinks a bit further. 'I am sorry, Chakotay, I have not been fair to you' dammit why does she pause! 'I was just so... carried away by my love for you, I just didn't stop to think quickly enough. I... I have deceived you.' I watch a few more tears track down and wipe them with my thumb, turning her face to look at mine. I have no idea what this deception is. 'Kathryn, just tell me' .

She nods, and then unwraps herself from my arms and strides to the window, looking out in space. I can't hear her, so i move closer. 'Kathryn love, I have no idea what it is you just said' at this she turns around, contained within the Captain pose. 'I don't think that this, us, is going to work out Chakotay.' I have to hold onto the chair back to stop the tremor that this statement delivers.

'kathryn!' I am shocked. 'what the...? why? what is it, dammit! I thought we had talked through everything? We can talk with Deanna again? How can I help you, show you? Spirits, woman, but I love you! and you, you love me. SO ?' I am not a begging man, but I am not going to let this happen without a fight. we are meant to be together.

If anything she stands straighter and more determined. 'I can't give you everything you want Chakotay, I am not enough. I, I couldn't abandon starfleet principles to stay with you and...'

As if that clears anything up at all. Spirits, but she has used that time in that cell to overthink things. She has a wonderful brain, analytic, makes connections, solves problems, but it is woefully, abysmally, appallingly bad at emotional reasoning.

'Kathryn' I take a step forwards, my palms open as if she is a wild creature to be reassured by my safety 'you know that you are all that I want. your love, your time when you can give it. If you are thinking that I won't be able to share you with starfleet, that this' and I stroke her face now I am close 'terrible away mission will drive us apart, you are mistaken' I smile at her, as I feel her listening ' I *heard* you Kathryn, I believe in you, I have always believed in you. I love both my Kathryn, that I see in the quiet moments but also my Captain, that I gave my heart and my loyalty to. I don't need or want to divide you from your destiny. I want to share with you your passions, support you in your endeavours, fight your cause, and 'i cannot help a grin 'make your burdens lighter, always. I love you'

'Oh, Chakotay' she breathes as i gently enfold her back into my embrace.

'when you determined to embody all you love about starfleet down there, I did have a moment of jealousy, wishing you would make more selfish choices. But that woman down there, that marvellous starfleet captain is the woman i fell in love with. I don't want to change her, change you.

'but' I say, as she stiffens ' i will argue, promote your safety and step over the line. I am going to do my damned best that you never need to choose between life or principles again! and when we are off duty, I am your equal, you will let me in'

'noted' and a sniffle.

'so,' I say as I move her back and tip her head up 'are we agreed?' and my heart settles as I hear her 'agreed'

'Honestly, I was so proud of you Kathryn. It damned near broke my heart, but I was proud . I would have torn that damned planet apart with my own hands if Paris hadn't got there first. but why does this stop you going to see Beverley?'

'Because there is something else Chakotay.' an even bigger sigh, completely out of character for her. A deep breath and she looks me straight in the eye as she delivers the coup de grace 'I also can't given you children'

I go back to that chair and sit in it, running my hands through my hair. She is facing me as if at a court martial, expecting dismissal. Spirits, loving her is never easy, but it is impossible for me not to. She is my soulmate. In my head I see my image of our children fading and leaving the room. I give myself a moment, and know I will need to grieve over what cannot be. But looking at her, I see that she will be grieving too.

Leaning forwards I take her hand and gently pull her until she sits on my lap.

'I would love to have children with you, Kathryn, and share a family. I cannot deny it, and I cannot pretend not to care. Is this what the doctor told you? but, and this is the most important bit, I love you more than any imagined children. It is enough. If we can't have our own biological children, then we have our Voyager family, and no doubt many babies to share. But, shouldn't we discuss it with other doctors before we give up? That is, if you want children. If you don't, Kathryn, then tell me, and I will still be content. I am going to be uncle after all to many, many voyager babies and I have Icheb to share'

As I hold her, the captains mask now a thing of the past, between her sobs I can hear that she does want children, but that she is worried that she can't, she hasn't recommenced her cycle since stopping her boosters nearly two months ago. that pulls me up 'Kathryn, why did you stop your boosters then? and why didn't you say?'

'now I am as bad as Seska' she sobs ' i was going to tell you, but I wanted to make sure that everything worked. I wasn't trying to steal a baby from you! I was hoping we would get together, and then there was Seven and the Admiral, and then there was just us and you got your boosters renewed when we got back, you said so' the words just cascade out. I have never seen her being so overly emotional. She usually wraps her emotions to her, but they are all over me. It must be the stress of the captivity, much too soon for an active duty.

'Kathryn, love, I am going to be executive. we are going to Beverley together, and will will ask about the future. We need to start the answers. We will spend hours with Deanna sorting the emotions out until Will is too jealous, and whatever the outcome, we will love and be happy. We face these things together, always. understood?'

she gives me a watery 'yes sir!' and goes to freshen up before we meet Beverley. I try and ignore the hopeful voice that reminds me that I wasn't on boosters on voyager for that last night.


	25. Chapter 25 - the scientific method

FedNews

[silent video of Captain Janeway promoting starfleet values in captivity]

voice-over: In a dramatic turn around to recent events in the peace talk on Chin'toka and Dorvan, Captain Janeway and the missing starfleet team have been rescued by the USS Mariner under the command of Captain Jack Gardner

[silent stock image of Captain Gardner released from starfleet]

He is usually part of deep space missions, but his ship has been a new refurb, and was on a test flight to DS9 when diverted to help with the unfolding civilian casualties on Chin'toka after terrorist explosions.

[silent video of explosions of Chin'toka moving to images of starfleet officers setting up emergency facilities and helping injured cardassians]

In a daring rescue mission, which is currently classified, the Mariner extracted the captain and her crew as well as Gul Emen and the cardassian captors.

[still image of the diplomatic team from the original FedNews report]

Whilst the Mariner stays on Chin'toka to continue the humanitarian aid, and works with the Cardassian administration there, our Voyager heroes have been transported to the Enterprise, who will take them to DS9. Our reporter waits there for further word and an interview with some of the key personnel. Now, live from stafleet headquarters we have a prepared statement from Admiral Paris.

[image of Paris at Headquarters briefing room flanked by Admiral Nechayev and Lt Cmmdr Barclay to the other side]

'Thankyou for your attendance. We have received information of the daring rescue of Captain Janeway and the missing members of the Chin'toka delegations from a Cardassian splinter group holding. The rescue was effected by the deep space vessel USS Mariner under the command of Captain Gardner. This vessel had been on a test flight following a refit and was able to divert to Chin'toka. The Enterprise continued the very successful mission of peace and rebuilding bridges both with Cardassia and the free worlds of the DMZ centred on Dorvan. It is important for the stability of the federation that we can develop peace, work in harmony and rebuild the agricultural and economic viability of this sector.

It is also important that after a protracted and difficult period of war, loss and adjustment that we reassert our nature desire for peace. It is too easy to fall into the trap of mistrust, to expect betrayal and hence encourage it. We must listen to the voice of one of our most experienced officers as she makes a clarion call for peace. '

[Paris pauses as Janeway's transmission is shown on the screen behind him, and then we move it to full screen with subtitles]

We will continue to promote peaceful cooperation, friendship and strength in diversity, cohesion across the peoples of the federation and allies. Rebuilding a firm future between federation and Cardassia, the free worlds in the DMZ and any other species that wish to ally closely or seek union with the federation.

In trust and faith with Cardassia, the Cardassian emissary Glinn Dmak will take responsibility for the investigation into the capture of our team, and the actions of Gul Emen subsequently. We will continue to work jointly to create stability and prosperity in the area, and hope for closer relationships in the future.

Our team are all at full health, and on the Enterprise making their way to DS9 for debrief and at that time, Captain Janeway and Glinn Dmak will make appropriate statements. All families have been contacted. Apart from the official statements, we hope that after this stressful time, that the Starfleet team can be allowed some privacy.

We are unable to take questions at this time until debrief has occurred. thankyou'

[The starfleet team leave the briefing room to shouted questions]

-0-0-0-

Adversary

The nets I have quickly realised that the story breaking was something I would require to see, and the alert brought me into consciousness to acquire the information. My cardassian agitators had been phaser stunned by Janeway before the explosion and eliminted from play. My nano-agents blocked the federation transporters, but clearly i hadn't considered those of the dominion might still be active on Chin'toka. Nor had I anticipated that there would be an entirely secret faction who would snatch away my victory. Not just snatch, but claim as their own.

However, the game was acceptably played, and a diversion. The alternates are still prepared. I believe after the federation success of this mission, that it is statistically significant that there will be an emissary to at least one of the prepared scenarios. I review the reports and scan automatically for my family member. Perhaps for the next game, I will attempt to entice him into the game more fully. After all, Paris is not my only person of interest in this game. Yes, this option is acceptable to me. I have new work for my agents. I have a process to accelerate.

Interestingly, there is also evidence of significant data load on the system in and out of starfleet. I will aim to introduce an agent to the Daystrom Institute where all such metadata inevitably is analysed. It will be a complex procedure, far harder than the inflitration of DS9 or the planets that I have corrupted systems to date. A new element of challenge to the game.

-0-0-0-

Commander Data

Intriguing. With Torres, I have analysed the remains of the nanobot that Captain Janeway believes hindered the federation transport attempt. We have done computational scans for each of the elemental isotopes identified, with the aim to have identified the origin of manufacture. All the elemental components appear to originate on Chin'toka apart from the iridium, whose isotope ratios are non Chin'tokan.

I place the iridium in the computational database to see if the isotopic signature is recognised.

Meanwhile Torres scans the Chin'toka field debris for the same iridium isotopes signature with cross confirmation via radiometric decay ratios. Since the escape pod deception, the constant barrage of attack stopped prior to our original departure to complete the diplomatic mission. Picard had requested samples to be obtained with the busard collectors. Initial analysis was incomplete and inconclusive. From the quite comprehensive overview of Klingon expletives, I assume that Torres is not making the headway anticipated in finding further examples. The elusive iridium signatures are microscopically present, and filtering will be complex.

Whilst the programme for this is running, Torres moves onto analysis of the microspectral sensor data transferred from the delta flyer with Geordi and Kim. Cross referencing against all variables, but again isolating and highlighting the iridium tag when it appears, including the specification of all elements and compounds in close association. This 4D analysis is computationally intense, and Torres suggests it may require an alternative by either using the metacomputer facilities at the Institute of Cosmology on Orion 1 or potentially the Daystrom institute.

Captain Janeway also scanned and imaged the device before the destruction sequence was activated. An adequate demonstration of her command prudence. It is this that I am now analysing. A micronalysis is suboptimal due to the optical limitation of the PADD device. Extrapolating from the variance gives degradation of quality. however, initial findings are intriguing. It is clearly not of nanite or nanite extrapolated technology, although certain structural components have some similarities. It is less easy to exclude Borg origins. I require confirmation from Seven Janeway. Utilising our encoding proclivities to request further information on Borg nanoprobe usage and configurations, especially within the parameters of the very small rather than microsopic objects, a compressed data stream has returned.

There is a carefully worded treatise on sub and supra microscopic nanoprobes as well as a cautious consideration of the small visible. The Borg have made negligible use of this extrapolation of nanoprobe technology due the the success of their direct method of assimilation. However, very small devices have on occasion been used in self replication and reintegration of remote or difficult to access ship processes. They also were a consideration in combat with a species that is currently classified. Using a complicated regression log encoding requiring knowledge of atypical fourier based encryption algorhythms, I finally release the compressed data, which also requires a further safety feature of both Kim's speech recognition pattern and Miral Torres DNA sample to unlock. Within the information carried is the resonant frequency for what I conclude is her regeneration cycle, and a mitochondrial DNA fragment pattern, unnamed but from its mitochondrial origin, so clearly will not be human. I return the images and the information regarding the iridium to Seven with appropriate quantum level fractal encryption, with secondary requirements as stipulated. It will be very difficult for any third party to access and analyse our data.

It will be 5 days before the Enterprise returns to earth, when Seven and I will make comparative study of our findings. I relish the opportunity to complete this puzzle first.


	26. Chapter 26 - revelation in sickbay

Janeway

Resilience is taught in command track. How to manage failure, how to bounce back from disaster, how to limit PTSD. It is taught through the experience of working on a starship, through the courage and acceptance of peers, superiors and ultimately yourself to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I have had, perhaps, more resilience strengthening moments than many. But it has run out. A damn fine time to be left with no reserves.

I approach the sickbay with some trepidation. Somehow, I made it through 7 years in the delta quadrant, mostly intact. However, here, in the alpha quadrant, I have allowed myself to lose the armour, and now I need it more than ever. I am lacking the fortitude needed to face this discussion.

Chakotay stands with me, arm through my arm, partly, I believe, to stop me from making a break for it! Looking up at him, he gives me a reassuring smile, dimples blazing, eyes dancing. 'It's Ok, Kathryn. It's just some information'

I do believe him, his declaration of love was unconditional, heartfelt and overwhelming. Dammit, but it was everything that I have been hoping for. I have always relied on Chakotay, his strength and support. I just, I just wanted to be able to finally give him what he wanted. A child. What I wanted, a family together. I have just wanted too much. He is right, we will have each other, a wider family. Its just...

'stop over-thinking, Kathryn' he murmurs as me as we arrive at the sickbay 'it will be what it will be' and drops a kiss on my head.

Chin up, captain's mask on, time to meet Beverley.

'at last, Kathryn' she smiles warmly as we go in ' i had thought you had forgotten where sickbay was, or perhaps that we are friends! or maybe that you were having too rapturous a homecoming' and she eyes Chakotay 'though that might be forgiven' and he dimples a sly smile in response. I try to ignore the blush creeping up my face. Yes, rapturous homecoming just about covers it.

I airily wave a hand. 'tom cleared me on the delta flyer, and I had no health concerns' Chakotay snorts and harrumphs at my side. I glare back 'no health concerns with regard to my mission' I clarify.

Beverley smiles at us both, 'so health concerns that might make you not wish to be scanned, for example, below the chest?' I nod. she reads my records again and then frowns 'i may have the wrong end of this conversation though, as your records both say you have updated boosters?'

time to come clean 'Ah, mine is a mistake. we discussed boosters, but decided against them as I was going to be landlocked'. beverley frowns. I pinch my nose as I take a deep breath.

'beverley, at that consultation with our doctor, I, um, asked him not to record most of it.' Chakotay and Beverley both look at me. 'go on' she insists

'Miral had been born, and I, er, wasn't definitely aware of erm Chakotay's availability as a life partner' both raise their eyebrows. This is quite offputting, and not supportive. I glare back at Chakotay. 'so I asked about the likelihood of having a child once a, erm , suitable father had been acquired'. I won't look at chakotay, though from te side of my vision I can see he has leant back in the chair and folded his arms. Disapproving stance number 3, that is.

'At that time, I was told I had good ovarian functional reserve, and it should be quite possible. In fact, i had a vitamin boost, and the doctor seemed quite positive.' I trail off. It is hard to recall feeling so positive, whereas now I feel deflated.

'Kathryn, so are you telling me you think you are? out with it?' beverley demands

'I haven't resumed my menstrual cycle Beverley, it should have happened within a week or so of returning to the alpha quadrant, and I am beginning to think that I left it in the delta quadrant and it is far to far to go back and rescue it!' I try and make something of a joke. 'and Chakotay has been on boosters, so I guess I am not and I'm worried about ever...' sigh. Honestly, bargaining with the Hirogen would be preferable at this point.

'we-ell,' says chakotay sheepishly, 'not entirely' now it is my turn to frown at him. I am sure he told me he had the doc update his boosters. 'i hadn't really expected the, er, celebratory first night. If you remember, it didn't seem particularly likely' I grin, but when I look at him and think of that crazy day, I mostly remember the stillness of the universe as we took our official first kiss on the holodeck, that sensation that it was destiny and how quickly the conflagration took us. We both share a slightly embarrassed smile.

brusquely, beverley interjects, derailing our memories ad bringing us back to the matter in hand. 'so, let me get this right, your health records are inaccurate, there is at least one occasion where conception might be possible' and we both blush, as I am sure we are both trying to count the opportunities in that night. more than I might admit. Seven years is a long time to be waiting. 'and presuming you have done no tests, nor had any symptoms, instead assuming the worst Kathryn' I nod. 'well, let us do the basics first, a scan, hormone profile of you Kathryn, and if not pregnant, what our options are. Chakotay, if you are both hoping for a pregnancy, once we have discussed the options, and there are many now, you will need to reverse those boosters.' Beverley smiles at me. 'Honestly Kathryn you are young enough for most of the options, and even if you have managed to become peri-menopausal since the doctors test, which is most unlikely, there are still a number of straightforward options'

A beverley begins, she notifies me that this scan will include all the ritual post mission invetigations she goes through, she murmurs at my need to eat a bit more healthily, but that my hypothalamic hormone profile is not indicative of menopause. There are no injuries commensurate with ill treatment, and notes the bruising from falling that Tom had healed, and a stun to my chest, presumably when captured and transported, also healed, good cardiac and lung volumes and healthy tissues, a small pause to commend our doctor or keeping us so physically healthy despite all the trials we gave him. A catalogue of clearly healed =injuries from the past, removed borg implants where there are still some signs. She is then pretty silent as she scans my abdomen and pelvis. I reach out to Chakotay, and he holds my hand. This is te moment. I feel a flutter of hope, and whisper a prayer to his spirits.

'hmm' and she looks at me seriously 'Kathryn, i agree that your menstrual cycle is currently on hold' and she must have noticed my face fall, and chakotay squeeze my hand tighter whilst preparing to hold me against the news 'i think it will only make a reappearance in approximately seven months '

I am just not processing what she is telling me, but Chakotay lets out a huge whoop and sweeps me off the bed into his arms. At my befuddled expression, he is exasperated yet laughing 'kathryn, my love, she is telling you that you *are* pregnant. We are going to have a baby my love!' and disregarding Beverley's presence is busy pressing kisses over the side of my face and hair, as I have hidden my face against his neck to conceal the tears that spring uncontrolled. I am an abject disgrace as a captain.

'Come on Kathryn' she says reassuringly allowing me time to consider the facts, 'lets see what else you might want to know. Your baby is 9 weeks, as we date from last menstrual period not ovulation, using the crown to rump length on this scan, it's not entirely accurate, but good enough. The placenta has implanted well. though since you are an older mum, and at risk from blood pressure complications, we are going to commence you on an neo-aspirin to reduce the risk and complications. It is too soon to see the fetal sex, but I can scan a 3D fetal image for you and send to your PADD if you wish. And we can arrange a genetic assay from fetal circulating DNA in your system Kathryn. this can run through our sequencer so that we can initiate any genetic treatment that may be required.' I am still too stunned by the being pregnant to really listen, but Chakotay talks about his genetic heritage, and a sample is taken from me. I am given a hormone and vitamin booster, apparently I require one monthly, at which point another scan may be advisable.

'are you ready to look at your baby then?' and I nod, still not trusting my voice. And there it is, the image on the screen as she performs a quick ultrasound scan, still the best and least invasive diagnostic modality for early pregnancy. The 3d image captures the baby move and appear to wave, and from the dopplers, I can hear the heartbeat, steady and fast. My baby. Our baby.

Beverley is hugged by my gleeful Chakotay, who looks as if he might never stop smiling, and patronisingly pats me on the back. 'I think you need to take her home, Chakotay, decaf only from now on in, and a specialised dietary profile' she gives Chakotay the programme code for the replicator. I still cannot get a word to escape my brain, let alone leave my mouth. They both laugh at my expense as Chakotay notes how rarely I am lost for words. I let him lead me back to our quarters and place a decaffeinated coffee, abomination, in front of me.

I am pregnant. I am going to have a baby. Chakotay's baby.

-0-0-0-

B'elanna Torres Paris

Another meeting in the conference room. At least Kathryn and Chakotay have attended this one. Last time, despite the raised eyebrows, they were not only not present, but the ships computers announced they were unavailable. Tom and I should perhaps copy this.

Any thought that I might be less busy when everyone was back on the enterprise did not last long Kahless but I have been fighting the data with Harry to try and get something we can use to our advantage in the future. Sitting in the conference room with Kathryn and Picard, it was unanimoulsy agreed that this was a highly planned attack, and the lucky blundering of local cardassians may have save Kathryn this time, but that the hidden adversary was likely to be met again. Currently all we have to go on is the iridium isotope profilometry.

Analysis further will be divided between the daystrom and Harren at the cosmology institute, and also Seven and Data. In fact, it is possible that Seven may be seconded to the Daystrom on Mars and create her own team there, ostensibly to consider the peaceful research into nanotechnology, but also to develop a counter to Borg assimilation. Kathryn wasn't certain if Seven was ready for such a transfer. Kahless but I miss Seven, she and Data would have made quick work of the analysis together. At least this means that I can currently sign off from this.

Yesterday I nearly lost it with Geordi, when he was reluctant for me to take a break. I needed to remind him that i wasn't in his staff, that I wasn't even officially working, and that if I needed a break to feed and change Miral, then I was certainly going to do so. He was so shocked, I think he had forgotten that the sling I wear contains a baby! The p'tak! He did apologise, and we finished early, both recognising that the enterprise just doesnt have the computational power to do what we need it to do quickly, so might as well set up the run and then leave the analysis till the morning.

My but my husband is looking hot in the new uniform. the half smile I give him should leave him in no doubt about my intentions when this meeting is over. I think we bot deserve some shore leave, or at least rest and recreation. We will have a while before the gathering on ten forward. Tomorrow we arrive back at DS9. Our return has been slow so that we can collect data, and give time to allow some pomp and ceremony. luckilly not for Tom and I. We can continue our own celebration. Thank Kahless for his return.

I'm being distracted by Chakotay. something is definitely up. Kathryn is more cranky with him, and he is hovering. he has always been attentive, but even I can see he is driving her demented, hopping up to get her a herb tea, as if she wouldn't prefer a coffee. Or maybe it is that smile that he just can't put away. Well, I guess they have been unavailable alot, and it doesn't take any imagination to guess the reason. He did think she was dead, she thought she was going to die. Just the kind of thing that pushes starfleeters together. He is looking damned smug about it too. Smug, satisfied, happy and possessive. no, scratch that. more than happy. She is certainly grouchy about something, but is surprisingly tolerant of his possessiveness and that damned hovering. It is already annoying me. treating her as if she is crystal rather than the duranium she clearly is. p'tak. they deserve this happiness, so I smile at them with a question, and am surprised by paired blushes.

Interesting.

I would watch them leave, Chakotay protecting her all the way back to their quarters as she waves him away with her hands, starting to get snappy, he is unabashed. I momentarily feel sorry for Harry, as he stands bereft before Mike takes him away. I have no idea what they have in common other than delaneys. mostly, I feel the urgent need to race back with tom to our quarters, settle Miral, and then make the most of the time until we meet in ten forward. After all, I did nearly lose him too.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

'A-coo-chee-moya' I speak through the akoona to the spirits of my people, to my father in particular. In my medicine bundle is now an image of my child to be. My heart overflowed when I saw my dreams realised. I have the woman of my heart and soul to walk alongside, and she will grow big with my child. My role is to protect them and keep them safe. My warrior story remains apt. As the vision opens and my spirit guide awaits me, I thank her for her patience. She advises me to enjoy this time of peace, as it will be short lived. My chosen woman is a seeker, and will never bide long by the quiet lakes of contemplation. It will be my challenge to hold and knit us together, and create the havens that will intersperse her quests. I nod. This I have realised. Acceptance may take longer.

My father appears, and I share with joy the news of my woman and my child. He asks if we are wed, and I laugh that i accepted her gift and live at her hearth. He frowns and shakes his head at me, to remind me to live within her customs too. I have a lot to learn still.

Leaving my spirit quest, I return to awareness of our quarters. Kathryn, heart of my heart and now mother of our child, is where I left her drowsing on our couch to conserve strength for this evenings gathering. I am not to hover. As I sit and dictate my personal logs, I could not be more content. I thank the spirits for my good fortune. These are the moments I waited seven years for, and I will savour them.


	27. Chapter 27 - a series of announcements

Janeway

I awoke with a start. I had been dreaming of the stars, of Voyager, of us. I had dreamt that Voyager gave us her blessing.

in my dream I had replayed our passionate love exploding as we kissed in the chaotic holodeck, the silence of the universe and the beauty of the stars made manifest. As dreams will do, this shifted to the moment that we first felt skin against skin. In my quarters, his linen shirt opened and partially slipped from him, myself in his arms, rapidly swept up in the heat of passion, the kisses raining against me, each exploding on contact, independent detonations of love and joy. I don't want to wake from this dream, I clutch it to me. Maybe this frantic cataclysm of passion was when it happened. Maybe instead, it was the later, slower, focused act of love making, feeling him roll beneath me, every nuance magnified, anticipation and delight extended. Maybe in the playful, humour filled coupling, following our call out to the holodeck, a true tumble of laughter and delight as we became comfortable with our newfound pairing. Hmm conceived through passion long contained, gravity and adoration or humorous exploration or the last, sleep and seductive.

But I am awake, aware that Chakotay is close, and aware that I am pregnant.

'dammit chakotay!' my loud outburst clearly surprises him, and he curses as tea spills from his mug, in transit from table to lips. 'I am pregnant. I am actually pregnant!'

'spirits, Kathryn, we have known that now for 5 hours and 31 minutes, why make me jump?'

'I don't know how to be pregnant. How the hell is a starship captain supposed to be pregnant? dammit Chakotay, what were you thinking!'

he smiles at me 'this is going to be a long pregnancy my love. firstly, I don't believe I was thinking of anything other than how much I loved you and committing my self fully to you' i give a tut to this flim flammery designed to soft soap me 'and secondly, kathryn my love, it does appear that you did actually think about this, albeit earlier in the day when we visited Miral' I wave my and to dismiss this idle speculation. 'so, I could ask, what were you thinking?'

He puts down his pad and comes to stand in front of me and when I glare at him for making me strain my neck so far back to look at him, he obligingly crouches before me. 'I imagine starship captains probably take a more strategic role, and let their devoted first officer run about for them, as well as co-opting any crew that seems reasonable, and they will all be willing Kathryn' he smiles up at me. 'I feel more anguish for the star ship captain's poor crew, who are likely to be reprimanded for hovering, being too slow or too quick, helping too much or too little, and treating you like crystal when you are duranium, and like duranium when you are crystal, and worst of all, keeping you to doctors orders!'

I smile my winning smile down at him as I beckon him closer to whisper in his ear 'we are having a baby!' He laughs, 'Kathryn, it will soon become the worst kept secret in starfleet!' at my outrage he reminds me that my coffee is limited, no whiskey, regular meals and sleep will be required. 'The crew will assume you are under alien possession my love! or pregnant'

i have to grouchingly agree. I pat the couch and when he joins me, wind myself onto his lap and in his arms. 'it is just', I say with a grin of my own, I was really hoping to do a bit more... practicing'

'hmm, well this PADD' and he points to the table with one hand, whilst the other starts to trace seductive spirals across my pelvis 'suggests that there is no contraindication to 'practicing' and improves the bonding of the parents' I love it when he talks fake science talk. 'well then, Doctor Chakotay, perhaps we should test the scientific merits of that statement' his lips are lightly brushing my forehead and following the line of my cheek down to capture my lips. Hmm, divine. I don't know whether this is a hormonal reaction or not, but his scent is magnified and I breathe him in as I return and deepen the kiss. I unwind against him and allow sensual pleasure to burn us both.

It is quite a while later, when I am back to just smiling, held firmly in Chakotay's arms, when B'elanna comms to remind us that the ten forward do starts in thirty minutes, in case we had been distracted, she laughs. i have to soundly berate Chakotay for taking advantage of a pregnant woman, and making us late. At least this is a uniformed affair, it saves thinking.

Nothing though can dim our happiness and joy today, not even a starfleet organised informally formal drinks that i cannot have celebration. We stride out together, arm in arm, as we have done so often before, ready to smile, talk and befriend everyone.

he whispers as we leave, 'I think it was our second time. I was sure in the ecstasy that space time was destroyed and rebuilt, and that we swapped a portion of our souls. I could see the spiritual connection between us my love' I smile. There is a lot to smile about. I am pregnant with my First Officer's baby. oh my word! Starfleet Admirals are going to have a field day. I couldn't be happier.

-0-0-0-

Kim Harry

Standing with B'E and Tom in ten forward, laughing at our recent narrow escape, making jokes about our nine-lived mascot. Tom dares us to call her Kat, but even though we have got closer over the years, that is something I can't see happening. She isn't here yet, nor is chakotay. B'E is laughing that she commed them to give them a thirty minute warning. I am still blushing, whilst Tom cracks jokes. Certainly they have made no attempt at all to censor their relationship on this return home. If I had thought their love clear before, it is overwhelmingly obvious now, initially from the transporter welcome, from the missed attendance at the senior meeting and Chakotays overwhelming attentiveness.

It is good to have the banter back, carefree laughter, listening to B'E call Tom a p'tak, and both asking me to take their side. i just laugh and enjoy the feeling of closeness, it is a little like being back on Voyager. I might have been the guy that was mot desperate to get home amongst my friends, but now I am perhaps the guy who misses Voyager the most. I know that my life will be on a starship. It might need to be a generational one.

I miss Jenny, as Mike misses Megan. We have had a lot of time together to talk, and Mike has straightened out his conflictions over past and present. Jenny and I have talked so much over subspace since we were apparently rescued, that I am contemplating racing our relationship forwards. One thing that life in the delta quadrant taught me was to embrace it, seize each day and the possibilities. I found love out there, and let it go, and i am not going to let this love go. I have some shopping to do on DS9

Tom is currently putting odds on our welcome to Quarks. B'E thinks that he will welcome us having made a profit on the worthless rubbish from the delta quadrant. I really hope not! Mike is sure he must have something from the delta quadrant to sell too, he says he needs to buy something sparkling. I guess that suggests that he is going to be my brother.

I don't need to look to know she has arrived. there is spontaneous cheering and Captain Picard walks towards her and Chakotay to greet them, and unofficially welcome her back from captivity. She looks fresh, and Chakotay is still stalking pridefully behind her. She makes a short and too the point speech about her thanks for everyone working together to ensure a successful mission outcome, her pride in starfleet and its values, the innovation that can come from sharing and trust, and the laughter from friendship. At that laugh and cheer, she moves around ten forward talking to everyone for a few moments before coming to rest with me and Mike. She links arms with us both.

'so, how are my boys? Happy to be going home?' her quizzical look offsets the big grin. I belong to her still. stuttering, I say that I am looking forward to seeing my folks, and Jenny.

'hmm, still going strong Harry, i think you have a good match there, we need to make sure you get posted together don't we' and I feel she has given her blessing. Mike interrupts. 'I think we may have two more in that posting' he grins at Chakotay 'you may have some best man duties coming your way if our return is as successful as I hope' The captain gives him a huge hug, and announces how happy that makes her, she turns to smile at Chakotay, who is not looking overjoyed. 'are you sure, Mike?' he says. 'Not too sudden a call?' Uh oh, I appear to be standing in the wrong place, as now the Captain is looking disconcerted, Chakotay is avoiding looking at her or Mike, and Mike is bristling 'its like someone once said, you have to live in this day, and not wait for the future to find joy' and hearing that, Chakotay walks off.

All our eyes swivel to the Captain, who shrugs 'no idea, dammit, but honestly, I am very happy for you!' and moves off after him. I wonder if that means the Captain has said no, or asked for a delay, but they have seemed closer than ever. Tom reminds us that we have never managed to understand their relationship, and as we watch, the Captain has charmed him completely, and they are now sharing a plate of food, laughing. Mike says that Chakotay always got on well with his wife and family, and it might just be that he just 'has to adapt'.

The food and music are good, and I am very proud to be approached by Commander Riker, who asks whether I would consider working with him on the Titan. He has a so far under wraps captaincy that is coming to him, and would like some good crew, particularly with the voyager spirit. I say that I need to know what is happening with Voyager first, but that it sounds like something I would like a lot. but also, that I might prefer to come as part of a team, with two scientists and security. He grins, and says that certainly could be easily arranged. He suggests i look at some command training in the meantime as 'kathryn' had boasted about my skills on the gamma shift, and in particular about some of the more crazy scenarios, and asks me to keep it 'under my hat' for the moment, though he is happy for me to discuss with her.

He laughs as he turns to catch sight of her. We can clearly see that Chakotay has been reprimanded for some infraction, though both of their eyes are dancing, and he barely looks abashed. Dr Crusher has also joined in, so he is clearly in trouble, but I know that when he pulls his trademark smile - and there it goes, dimples peeping - that he will wriggle out of brig time.

'for a relationship that starfleet currently want kept under wraps, they would never win prizes for deception' Riker says. I keep my eyes on the command couple, 'but they denied it for seven years so that we could get home, they nearly lost this chance. Starfleet should be less judgemental' i claim hotly. 'hmm' is the only answer I get. 'time to make my own announcement'

I watch Riker sweep up Deanna Troi, and with Captain Picard calling us to order, Riker announces his own engagement, to which there are many cheers and calls of 'about time' the couple are laughing and happy, and the mood is infectious. They are hugged and congratulated by everyone that can get close, and when they get to the captain, who happens to be close to me again, Will laughs that she should never have run out on their date, else she could be the lucky party! I can't imagine the Captain dating Riker, but she and Deanna laugh at this, and chakotay does his best Tuvok eyebrow. there was clearly a good story there.

This party may not be quite as off record as some of the Voyager numbers, but it goes with a swing and I make new friends as well as spend time with the old ones until the time is late indeed and the Captain and Commander must have slipped out quite some time ago. Will has introduced me to some of the other enterprise staff that migt make a move with him onto the Titan, and it is good to feel the thrill of being part of a big starship team again.


	28. Chapter 28 - three reflections

Epilogue

Glinn Dmek

I have been busy. I have made an accommodation with Kira Nerys on behalf of the Cardassian government to hire space to be considered an official cardassian embassy. My team will be configuring this space over the next fortnight whilst I ratify all sections of the current provisional agreement with the government. When I return, I will have had a significant uplift in status. Legate Dmek. I will need a wife as well as loyal staff.

There is much to understand more fully about the Federation, especially since it seems to be changing direction, towards a more peaceful and hopefully prosperous future. Emen clearly had no idea how out of synchronicity he was with the mood of the Cardassian people. We lost everything by becoming a foreign power's puppet. We did this, driven by old, outmoded tropes of conquest and power. Now, we can see that we are a clever and inventive people, that we would work well in the Federation. Our skills are complementary. Why strive through conquest, bloodshed and loss to control through fear and further bloodshed and hate swathes of territory to garner respect for Cardassian supremacy. Why not work to be a part of something bigger, and have respect for positive characteristics, intelligence, data manipulation, boldness. To try and be successful at peace.

The heart has been ripped out of Cardassia, more so than Earth, more so even than Betazed, which is rebuilding rapidly. Ripped out because we are alone, stuck in old ways. The Federation has offered its olive branch and we will grab it with good faith. If I had any doubts, they disappeared on meeting Janeway. The Federation didn't send a mere Captain. They sent a hero. They honoured us with the emissary, and she didn't disappoint. Knowing her full history, I had been surprised by her appointment, horrified by Emen's in response. It was clearly a test, and it was worthless. She required no testing. Even I watched in horror as it looked as if Cardassia would dim her light, instead it was brightened. A luminescence that can shine across the voids of space and help unite us.

So as we stand side by side for FedNews to syndicate, I am surprised to be proud. I am proud to be Cardassian and part of this history unfolding.

-0-0-0-

Nechayev

it is a concern. The private patient records are easy for me to review, and as soon as this element appeared in hers it was flagged for me. Pregnant. It's going to be harder to sell that they didn't have a relationship whilst in command structure. not that I care, hell, they got nearly everyone home and did a damned good job of it. Even now though, there are a few chauvenistic male admirals that seem to think women have to be held to a different standard, be better, live within archaic morals. The war seemed to bring a bit of resurgence in this pre-technological conservatism, and of course, we did promote into the admiralty some that may not have made the cut if our losses had been less. Hmm, Picard has put out a tentative feeler at last. 'Bout time he stepped out of that hot seat and took part in the wider picture. Apparently that is a Janeway related decision. Damn me but she is a glowing beacon for a successful captain, gender be damned. There will be, no doubt, some calls about this, but not of any importance. I am happy to support her whether single, partnered, married or in any damn kind of relationship she chooses.

In a way, it plays into my hands. I did have a concern that she would be hard to persuade into the admiralty, but with a child, the ability to vary how desk bound or active she is will swing it for me. The rest of the crew, I can see she is gradually shuffling them into places that will suit them, suit her and also improve starfleet. I hope Chakotay might take on the captaincy of the refitted Voyager initially, confirm his starfleet status before perhaps building on some of his other talents.

I can't help the tingle of excitement. The tide is turning in starfleet, just from popular opinion, the ranks are all pretty unified behind the Voyager mythology, and Janeway's clearly off the cuff passion supporting the starfleet values has helped sway all the moderate admirals.

It is not all so easy, as Paris warns, there is still this damned adversary out there, who potentially is anti-Federation, or perhaps just anti Paris and maybe Janeway. Tracing all the interactions, we are looking at their Al-Batani days, but also the Paris/Edward Janeway missions. I have to be cautious about the pretext, and I have suggested that we are preparing a speech for as and when Owen retires. The focus is on cardassian, romulan and 'clever' adversaries who are either long lived, or have children to carry on a grudge. The net is wide.

-0-0-0-

Gretchen Janeway

I have sat with my suddenly widened family in the comfort of our Indiana farmhouse watching FedNews. Phoebes kids cheered their Aunty Katie, fighting over who gets to sit on Icheb's lap. The loser will sit on Quaestor - the Q godchild Katie has acquired. They love having a cousin, and when Q arrives too, they are sure to have a fun time. Pheebs and I don't ask very many questions. They are a bit more nervous of their new Aunt, Seven. partly because she is clearly more nervous of them. Icheb, though, says she was initially nervous with the Borg children on Voyager, but then managed to find her balance. She was apparently always more a strict governess rather than playful. Pheebs will be good for her, a confidante to put the disastrous foray into relationships in perspective, develop a different aspect of humanity, and perhaps leaven the need to live up to the lofty ideals of Kathryn.

Icheb is quite happy with Kathryn's slightly erratic parenting. Clearly loved by Kathryn, and loves her back. But perhaps she also is more of a mentor and champion than pure mother. He has bonded with Chakotay too, and I can see for a lad his age with such an unusual family story, that this stability and permanence is perhaps all he needs. He has been talking to me about moving into the academy dorms, much as he loves them, he is getting ready to stretch his wings now he has somewhere safe to return to. I am proud of Kathryn for her consideration of all her crew. I am not sure whether biological children will be in her future, though now she has her handsome lover, i can but hope. She has managed to collect over 150 crew members that will always be her family.

So I have sat, with my hugely extended, unusual family, filled with joy as I watch my eldest daughter gracefully talk about shared values, with the Cardassian second agreeing and acting with chivalry. She looks well, glowing perhaps, waving away any questions suggesting she should want retribution. her only regrets are the worries she gave family and friends, and that she missed seeing Dorvan on this occasion, but is hoping to return in the near future on vacation. Her first officer remains impassive throughout, but there is no doubt that he is there to make sure she is safe. As they leave, his hand guides, as always, in the small of her back.

We are going to have a joyful family reunion, and then I am going to patch up the relationship between Seven and Kathryn and with that, the Chakotay issue. My own brand of maternal counselling and re-framing. It is a good thing I have decades of experience of mothering both my own children, and the waifs and strays cadets that Ed picked up for me to mother. I am overwhelmingly content in my role of Janeway matriarch.

-0-0-0-

 _This is where the credits roll on this particular adventure. I probably should have divided the story into two! This story, like life, isn't over. It will be continued in 'the measure of my dreams' which will be a bit more personal to J/C and family dynamics. There have been a lot of changes to consider. Some of the pointers have obviously been spotted! i need to get better at subtle hints that are only really noticed on a re-read! Following that, the next story will pick up the hunt for the adversary. I can't believe I have written over 200,000 words! TY to all the readers, followers, favouriters and particularly commenters! I now comment much more as I realise what boost it gives to know someone is enjoying your story._


End file.
